tkjon21 Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 K im new on this site but i had to find something to talk on for some help. Aight my names Jon n im 18. I hav a lil sister whose 12 n our parents r divorced but live in the same house so obv its driving me crazy lol. Aight so im leeving fer college in about 3 weeks n i cant wait but im worried about my family being able to last. Btw this is guna b mad long, ok so my dad n mom have bin fighting n all n its insane. My dad is the evil one here n hes gettin away with alot of ****. At first my moms bin doing everything wen we were kids n he was never home n w/e but now my dad treats my mom like crap. their divorced but theres so many issues with our house n idk it just keeps going. My dad took like thousands of dollars out of the houses payments thing idk n hes just ruining this family. The sad part is hes bin telling lies to both sides of the family about my mom n has bin being fake to everyone. Hes trying to ruin my moms life by turning her family on her, canceling her phone stuff, denying her money fer a doctor, the list goes on. My mom cries to me daily n i just cant handle it ne more. me n my sister plan on having a huge talk with him but i dont c it werking. This guy is ruining my moms life, has bin seeing another girl, n acts fake to everyone n it really pisses me off. Hes like got no soul. He tries keeping my sister n i on his side by buying us things n all but i c how it reely is. My sister on the other hand obv buys into it n thats y i worry. She confused n doesnt wana pick sides n without me their idk wuts guna happen. My dad scheduled a hotel fer my moveup day but didnt include my mom im like WTF. This guy is pissen me off n i really need help. Im not suicidal or nething like that i gotta good head on my shoulders but i wana help my mom n i really dont no how. I wana get her a job, i wana get her back with her family, i wana get her happy. Basically i need a miracle. I wana win like a lotto or somethin n juss giv it all to her but thats not happenen ne time soon. SO rite now im talkin to a family mate on facebook about the same ****. My moms life is being destroyed n i cant c her cry ne more. My dads being the worst n i no wut hes doing. I really wana curse the **** outta him but that wont do no good. Hopefully this talk werks if not idk but my mom needs help. Thankyou
Sophia8 Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 It's a really difficult situation that you are in, and for your mum. If you haven't already done so talk to your mum, explain that her unhappiness is really making you unhappy and that you want her to get a job, get back with her family and ultimately be happy. I would also recommend talking to your dad, try to stay calm whilst talking to him because shouthing would make things worse. If you feel that you may get very emotional talking to your dad then write it down, that way you can always refer to that if need be. It may be worthwhile for your mum to even see a therapist to help with self-esteem etc, but then as you mentioned that your mum is not allowed to have money for the doctors this may be difficult. Other than talking to both your mum and your dad, seperately and maybe even together there is not really much more that you can do. Your mum is the only one that can make a decision about what she wants to do. Be there for her but try not to let their relationship consume your life. I'm 23 and my parents have been married for just over 30 years in a far from happy relationship, I suppose that this has resulted in me being far more mature for my age. It's a different situation to the one that you are in, as my mum's family deep down dislikes my dad and only tolerate him because of her. When I was younger, probably younger than you, I used to worry myself sick about my mum, a lot of the time when I used to go out I used to worry that they would have a massive row etc. However, I've realised, probably in the last 4 years, that I can not force her to leave him all I can do is be there for her. Both parents know how I feel, my mum knows I'm there for her and if she decides to leave I will help her all the way, and my dad knows how I feel that I only tolerate him because of her. Things do get extremely difficult at times but I have learnt a way to control my frustration etc and way that works for me, of course I still worry about my mum but accepted the fact that there is only so much that I can do. You mentioned that you have a good head on your shoulders, so you will probably be quite good at talking to your parents about this. I don't know where you are from but in the United Kingdom our schools, colleges and Universities have therapists available to children/young adults for free. If you have this available to you where you are it may be worthwhile talking to a specialist about how you feel.
quankanne Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 do what you can to get her to a women's shelter ... because it really sounds like she's being emotionally and psychologically abused by this man. The red flag? When you said he turned her family against her. yes, it means losing her house, but material possessions can in no way stack up against a solid, healthy self-esteem. Your sister may be old enough to choose where she wants to go, though for her sake, your mom will want to take her with her to ensure that Sis doesn't get the brunt of his abuse since she's the only one there. sorry I cannot be of more help, kiddo ... you'll be in my prayers.
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