spots94 Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 My H was the one who wanted the separation. I did not I was upset and heart broken about it. It has been a month now since. When we first separated my H was not really sure what he wanted he sid we would not date others an give each other our time to work on oursleves and see what happens. About a week and a half later he started saying he most likely wanted a divorce and that he probably would not change his mind. I wanted to work on our marriage and do everything I could to save it. Well since then my feelings have changed some things have come to my attention to help validate that I do want a divorce from him and that I do not want to be with him anymore. I was having these feeling before I know what I know. I just didn't see any chance in there being any hope and about him changing his mind and I realized I probably would be better off without him since he brought so many bad things into my life! I also would like to start dating again. Should I tell my H that my feelings have changed? I am going to file for divorce shortly after I take care of another debt that I have. He told me before he was in no hurry for a divorce or to do anything.
spriggig Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I also would like to start dating again. I suggest resisting the urge to date for the next four months. Your desire to date is coming from a phenomenon known as "hysterical bonding", which is a strong desire to reconnect after a fight or separation. It's the basis for make up sex. That your ex is no longer available to reconnect with hasn't lessened the urge. The desire will pass shortly, wait it out to avoid making any mistakes.
Author spots94 Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 I didn't mean dating now but in the future couple months down the road I am not ready yet for that. But should I tell my husband that my feelings abot our relationship have changed?
cavedweller Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 spots94, If you and your husband can not work it out soon you need to file for a divorce.. Question: Is he seeing another woman?
Author spots94 Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 No he isnt I am pretty positive about it. Actually he is isolating himself and will not talk to anyone and he will not talk to anyone about what is going on. Anyone in his family brings it off and he will cut them off and change the subject. I am afraid he is going into a deep depression he does have a history of depression.
cavedweller Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 spots94, Hmmmmmm? He does not want to talk about you, his marriage or the separation, because, he is seeing another woman... my 2 cents
spriggig Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 I say you go talk to a lawyer before you talk to him again. I tried an online divorce site first. It seemed OK and maybe it would have worked, but that's just it--the doubt that I was going to leave myself open or make a stupid mistake. I ended up getting a lawyer in spite of the fact that my ex is not contesting and has agreed to everything I've presented. I paid $700 to cover the paper work and court fees. I sign, she signs and the judge approves--we're done.
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