marmaliade Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Broke up with my ex like 4 months ago in a very ugly way. In the begining he jast ran away, didnt explain anything and just was doing what was best for him. We stayed NC for some time, afterwards I met this guy that i really liked, just it's LDR and I really dont know if he likes me... Went to a trip where spend amazing time with him, when I came back I was all confussed and actually fell in the same mess again. Started contacting my ex quite often, he was rude to me or either didnt reply. Now started NC, but I think it is even more difficult then the first time. I dont know if I love my ex anymore, but I care about him and I am also feeling lonely and sad and even thinking that I actually can't let go off him because I'm used to him and it is difficult for me to open up to other people and I have difficulties trusting them. Lately feel depressed like hell, dont go out, though did it just after breakup, not a lot of things interest me, lost my drive, just feel like sleeping all day, making plans wih my friends and afterwards breaking them, basicly don't care about anythin, what still interests me a bit is a new guy I met, but I don't feel he shows me enough attention and I know him only for few months and don't want to appear this crazy needy person, so I basicly feel sad and lonely with no motivation whatsoever...
bonpaw2008 Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Broke up with my ex like 4 months ago in a very ugly way. In the begining he jast ran away, didnt explain anything and just was doing what was best for him. We stayed NC for some time, afterwards I met this guy that i really liked, just it's LDR and I really dont know if he likes me... Went to a trip where spend amazing time with him, when I came back I was all confussed and actually fell in the same mess again. Started contacting my ex quite often, he was rude to me or either didnt reply. Now started NC, but I think it is even more difficult then the first time. I dont know if I love my ex anymore, but I care about him and I am also feeling lonely and sad and even thinking that I actually can't let go off him because I'm used to him and it is difficult for me to open up to other people and I have difficulties trusting them. Lately feel depressed like hell, dont go out, though did it just after breakup, not a lot of things interest me, lost my drive, just feel like sleeping all day, making plans wih my friends and afterwards breaking them, basicly don't care about anythin, what still interests me a bit is a new guy I met, but I don't feel he shows me enough attention and I know him only for few months and don't want to appear this crazy needy person, so I basicly feel sad and lonely with no motivation whatsoever... Sounds like you slipped back into the same pattern that you were in when you first broke up with him. You need to maintain NC for you. He doesn't care about you, especially if he is a super big prick to you all the time. Why do you want to go through that? What makes you think that you deserve that?? With the new guy, you aren't ready for that. You are just going to freak out and scare him away. You need to do all the things that you have been cancelling, get back into life, before you start up with him. You are needy because you need him to validate you. You are trying to use him to make yourself feel better, you are the only one that can do that. Start to love yourself, don't try to get it from someone else.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Some symptoms you describe sound like clinical depression. It can't hurt to see a psychiatrist and try one of the SSRI class meds. It's your life, there shouldn't be any stigmatization about it but it may be best to keep it to yourself. I see going this route a sign of strength not of weakness because you are getting real with your symptoms and not denying them or worse, thinking that someone else will fix them. It simply can not hurt you to try this route and there's no such thing as a "zombie". Most SSRI's are completely transparent and you do not feel them at work--you'll just notice over time that you'll gain some leverage over your blues and feel like you have a choice to not let them overtake you. Million of people have turned their lives around with these new meds. It's not a feel good "pill"--it's a remedy that helps you tune your mind rather than having it untune you.
bonpaw2008 Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Do I really need antidepressants? If you are at the point where you feel the need to go see a professional they will be the ones to determine that. I had a terrible experience on them, I was on Lexipro and when I got off them it was literally the worse experience of my life. I was incapacitated for a solid month, not able to function, see, a f-ed up "swooshing" in my head constantly. I would exhaust all other options before going this route. I am not saying this to offend or belittle anyone that these types of drugs have or are working for, just letting you know there are serious side effects that my doctor was not forth-coming with, and you need to know the risks.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Sounds like you slipped back into the same pattern that you were in when you first broke up with him. You need to maintain NC for you. He doesn't care about you, especially if he is a super big prick to you all the time. Why do you want to go through that? What makes you think that you deserve that?? With the new guy, you aren't ready for that. You are just going to freak out and scare him away. You need to do all the things that you have been cancelling, get back into life, before you start up with him. You are needy because you need him to validate you. You are trying to use him to make yourself feel better, you are the only one that can do that. Start to love yourself, don't try to get it from someone else. I think Paw knows her stuff here. Also Marm, don't feel like you are the only one. I did it too. It's hard not too if you really have deep feelings for someone. How do you not? You probably aren't ready for the new guy, just like I'm not ready for the new girl. It's hard though not to try to have crutch of some sort. Loneliness is tough. I'm not good at it either. I've stopped the sexual relationship with the woman I'm seeing now, and I know it's driving her nuts, because she is very sexual. I'm sure it will blow up in my face as well. This is a really bumpy road and it's hard to know where you're going most of the time. I'm there with you. Sending you hugs...
HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 If you are at the point where you feel the need to go see a professional they will be the ones to determine that. I had a terrible experience on them, I was on Lexipro and when I got off them it was literally the worse experience of my life. I was incapacitated for a solid month, not able to function, see, a f-ed up "swooshing" in my head constantly. I would exhaust all other options before going this route. I am not saying this to offend or belittle anyone that these types of drugs have or are working for, just letting you know there are serious side effects that my doctor was not forth-coming with, and you need to know the risks. Just to add my 2 cents in on this, I'm currently on Lexipro and have been for 2 weeks. I'm still trying to determine whether it makes a difference or not? I'm not having paws experience with them. In fact, they don't really seem to do much at all. My folks think it's eased my anxiety somewhat, and it may have for a the first week, but this last week, lots of interaction and disappointment occurred for me so I'm kinda back to square one and feeling depressed today. I wonder what I'd feel like if I wasn't on them at all? Guess I'm going to stick with it for a while. Again, I don't have the same effects as paw, but these things affect everyone differently. Both my counselor and my psychologist are on lexipro if that tells you anything. Wow... Guess everyone is f*cked up...
bonpaw2008 Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Just to add my 2 cents in on this, I'm currently on Lexipro and have been for 2 weeks. I'm still trying to determine whether it makes a difference or not? I'm not having paws experience with them. In fact, they don't really seem to do much at all. My folks think it's eased my anxiety somewhat, and it may have for a the first week, but this last week, lots of interaction and disappointment occurred for me so I'm kinda back to square one and feeling depressed today. I wonder what I'd feel like if I wasn't on them at all? Guess I'm going to stick with it for a while. Again, I don't have the same effects as paw, but these things affect everyone differently. Both my counselor and my psychologist are on lexipro if that tells you anything. Wow... Guess everyone is f*cked up... Hey High - i was on Lexipro for about a year (divorce time). I think it did help me for a while, I was really having trouble concentrating especially at work. I was on sleeping pills too, but I really just wanted to get off everything and see how it went. When you are ready to get off them, PLEASE ask your doctor the best way....I think that most suggest lowering doses until you are down as low as you can go. I went from a pretty high dose to nothing (because my dr didn't tell me not to) and it was serious Hell. Like you need another board to read but go searching on the internet for Lexipro side effects.....I just want you to be ok.... I really do think that these drugs are worthwhile and helpful. I just wish that the withdrawal symptoms were not so severe.
Author marmaliade Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 Thank guys for your insight. I really dont want to start antidepresants, just a feel like my whole life is a big black hole, I'm still crying, still can't get my head straight and basicly spent the weekend in bed. I wish I could have my ex by my side, but I just know it's not worth it and our relationship would never work or be the same because of all the **** he did. Basicly I'm still hurting that he ran away and he never explained me normally and now I just wouldn't want to hear it, because it would be like putting salt on wound, he never said sorry for anything, though I was there for him through all his problems, depressions and so on, never gave up on him, while he did on every opportunity he had. Sometimes I struggle to keep myself in one piece, that it's crazy, it takes a smallest reminder to fall apart and then try to build myself up again, everynite the same feeling of loneliness and every morning tha awfull feeling in my stomach, still hurts that i wasted so many years and so many opportunities for this guy and now i'm 26, alone, really not very independant... And feel very lonely and hurt...
Feelin Frisky Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Do I really need antidepressants? I did not say that. I said you may greatly benefit from trying something like Prozac or Zoloft because the symptoms you describe in your OP seem to suggest that you may have chemical issues driving your emotional issues into worser case scenarios. I'm very pleased with my experience and these meds help millions of people. It is unwise to throw the baby out with the bathwater because one person reports a bad experience. Brain chemistry is a very sensitive thing and each person has to make assessments when something prescribed seems like its not helping or producing undesirable side effects. The patient in this case is in charge of the treatment because there's no test to find out what one's chemical malady might be. Therefore the patient must tell the psychiatrist that he or she wants to try something else and why. The psychiatrist will recognize the symptom that you don't like, like some anti-depressants like Effexor or Lexipro or Cymbalta work not just on Seratonin but also on nor-epinephrine. Messing with the noreprinephrine system can make one hyper-perceptive and self conscious whereas just working on Seratonin might be completely invisible but if you give it time, you'll just be able to look back and see that your cycle of negative thinking has subsided. That's the way a successful anti-depressant should work--you don't feel it as a presence affecting you but you begin to notice that your mind doesn't slip into negativity wells because you have a new presence of mind to pick yourself up and get on with changing your life for the better. As I said it can't hurt or damage you and it is old fashioned misguided morality to stigmatize yourself or anyone else for trying to overcome the blues that are cutting you off from possible happiness. Medicine isn't a feel-good tablet anymore. It's a cause-focused solution instead of a symptom masking band aid for something that won't go away.
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