Tangerine Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Hey everyone, Just need a little advice on my situation to ease my mind. I will try to make this short and quick. I have been dating a woman almost a year until now. I met a woman who moved to my area to start graduate school. She came here still in a relationship. An open relationship that her and her bf (of 5 years) agreed to do since they could not always be near each other. When I met her she made me aware of the situation. I didn't think so much about it at the time, all I saw was a wonderful woman that I wanted to get to know. So fast foward a little over 4 months, things became very intense that we fell head over heels for each other. She ended it with her bf and wanted to pursue a relationship with me. This is where it gets complicated. 6 months later, he comes back in the picture trying to plead with her to reconcile even if it meant him moving with her. Things started becoming tense between us, because he would not go away. During these moments she became distant with me. It wasn't until one day I called her to ask what is going on that she told me that she could not be with me anymore. She wanted to try and work things out with her ex. I didn't know what to say, I was shocked. I did not argue or beg her. I have learned from the past that is not the way to go. All i told her was that I hope she figures out what she wants and that I am sorry she did not feel the same as I (I was being bitter). I decided to avoid contact with her because I did not know what to say anymore, but two weeks later I sent a text stating that I hope only the best for her and I hope this opens her eyes to what she really wants and maybe one day we can work on being friends. She replied saying thank you and that it has hurt more than you could know. I did not respond, but it left me wondering if I will ever get another chance with her. I know most of you will tell me to move on...and I am prepared to do that, but I love her and it is not as easy to just walk away. Any advice would be appreciated, Thank you
jsa100100 Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 yep. move on. You know we would say this, but what you might not be thinking is that everyone one of us has loved and lost just as you have, and your love, believe it or not, isn't all that special compared to the rest of ours. Once you realize that, it'll be much easier to move on. Also, I suggest you read some of the other posts in this topic, they're much more messy, heartbreaking, and sad than yours. Good luck.
Author Tangerine Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 Hardly gave any details and automatically my situation is not worthy to be posted. Maybe it isn't. Maybe my love was not strong enough as every other heartbreak on this forum. The feelings that I have don't matter. Okay...understood. She is forgotten. I feel so much better. A little angry aren't we. Maybe if I added a little information...This past year my mother and father were killed in a car wreck a couple of months before I met my ex-girlfriend. When she came along she was a blanket of comfort, love, and something that I have not felt in a very long time. I invested alot of emotions for this woman and I know she did too, but was caught in between me and someone who she was with for a very long time. Maybe you are right, I should just move on...but as I said it is not as easy when the person you loved and gave your heart to one day just leaves. I honestly do not know why I posted, maybe looking for someplace to vent and let my non-story be told and get some advice. I sure got it. Thank you Jsa.
Scruffydog Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Hey Tanj, you have every right to post your story on this forum. And please don't think of it as a non-story either; we each have our own stories, we are all here to some extent to vent our feelings, hopefully pick up some advice but what I've found most helpful are the kind words and understanding. But, as in any public forum, you'll get a whole range of replies and sentiments. You've had a tough year, more than tough, and it's truly sad that this lady has let you down in this way. Chin up as best you can, there'll be good days and bad, but time is a great healer... Sd
Always A Lesson Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Tangerine, I'm so sorry for your loss, ....your parents. My heart goes out to you. I totally understand your loss in your breakup too. Your GF brought you comfort and now she's gone ( a double-blow). I know what that special bond is all about and pooof, it's gone. Your heart bleeds, and you feel only she can stop the bleeding... Well, you know the drill around here, work on yourself, get out w/friends, basically stay busy. But You want to know something? It actually works! But it works in it's own time..... I didn't release until the 6th-7th month of NC, when I became tired of hurting. I mentally told myself.... it's time....it's time to let go... I wanted to feel the wind blow in my hair, I wanted to feel the sun on my skin again. Before that I was just numb, didn't feel anything....and heartbroken (walked around like a zombie). Putting ourselves back together is a challenge indeed. Along the way, I've found that I'm my own best friend after all. it sounds kinda corny, but it's true. My self-inspection during this time of heartbreak made me stronger and wiser. It's like I was torn apart and I had to put myself back together again. I'm more cautious to who I connect with. Haven't started dating because no one qualifies in my town. Not even for a dinner companion. Don't think for one minute your situation is not important, whenever your hearts involved, it's important it's...MAJOR. Seems your GF was caught between the two guys. He did have a lot of history with her. Can't say if you'll get her back or not. if she chose him, you must move on....I promise, it does get better over time. (hugs)
Scruffydog Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Always A Lesson - great post, compassionate and truly inspiring... Sd
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