anna100 Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 so, after being in a long term relationship that didn't work out I now find myself in the same situation three years down the line. I am completely aware of the pain I am about to go through and I just really don't want to go through it all again. I have done everything right this time... cancelled all our trips together, deleted his number, reset my phone, deleted facebook completely, hid all his things and took them to my parents house and hid them, told him not to contact me untill I was ready and wasn't wanting him to change his mind anymore... the thing is i KNEW that the break up was coming, he didn't want to spend more then 1 day a week with me and he stayed over once a month which was really upsetting when we had been together for 2 years, it hadn't always been like that and when we were out we had the best times. But I guess there is no point dwelling on it because... I will never be inside his mind EVER. I just don't want to go through the stages again. I haven't slept in days so I know that it's happening all over again. I know that now I feel numb and when it sinks in I will want him back and probably send him some crazy desperate message which I will regret. I'll think about what he is doing every second of the day for about a year and when he moves on I will be crushed and feel like I am back to stage 1 again. BUT this time... I will have no idea of knowing any of this so i am hoping that it wont be the same. I just don;t want to experience that all over again. it was the worst year of my life. My heart hurts so much right now. I feel pathetic
Beeotch Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) I feel your pain I too have had this conversation with my bestfriend before saying that after all I have been through, I don't EVER want to go through it again and you know what? I don't think I will.... Reason being is that my ENTIRE mentality about relationships and life itself has drastically changed and improved since my break up. I realize truly in life, your happiness is dependent upon you and not other people and I have undone and am currently still undoing subconscious patterns of thinking that usually result in all the "drama" and pain and cycles of crap that most relationships seem to be built on these days. I'm saying that to say....sometimes, you go through the same thing over and over as a sign from the universe that you didn't learn the lesson intended therefore you are re-enrolled and will continue until you "graduate". I KNOWWW that this is a difficult, nerve-racking, sickening time period and we're only human and will feel the pain all too well BUT the good thing is, you are where you are supposed to be and you have the chance to take this experience and truly examine yourself, your life, etc. I now realize that break ups, no matter who initiated, are about US. They happen and when they do, as with any other emotional trauma and pain, it's a time to go within yourself, learn about yourself, connect with your Source/the universe/God and realign. Something was amiss...and you're being given the chance to see it for what it is and move forward with a new understanding so that you really won't have to experience "the same" thing again, but new lessons. In my opinion: if your only goal post breakup is to simply "get over" this person versus truly learning bigger lessons that encompass the broader picture of the situation, life, yourself etc....then you truly didn't learn anything and most break ups will feel like the same thing. There wasn't any true change or growth but simply blind tactics to get over the person and the pain. (Which is why NC without understanding the role and purpose makes absolutely no sense to me, because you are not truly comprehending what you are doing for REAL change but blindly following rules to not hurt).My advice would be to make this break-up more about YOU and the changes you need to make and the things YOU need to understand and see how things change. That is what I have learned and truly feel like makes a difference, that I did not realize in prior break ups (hence my most recent ex was a repeat of "the lesson" so that I could get it finally) Remember: "All endings are new beginnings" Edited July 31, 2010 by Beeotch
bonpaw2008 Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Reason being is that my ENTIRE mentality about relationships and life itself has drastically changed and improved since my break up. I realize truly in life, your happiness is dependent upon you and not other people and I have undone and am currently still undoing subconscious patterns of thinking that usually result in all the "drama" and pain and cycles of crap that most relationships seem to be built on these days. I'm saying that to say....sometimes, you go through the same thing over and over as a sign from the universe that you didn't learn the lesson intended therefore you are re-enrolled and will continue until you "graduate". I KNOWWW that this is a difficult, nerve-racking, sickening time period and we're only human and will feel the pain all too well BUT the good thing is, you are where you are supposed to be and you have the chance to take this experience and truly examine yourself, your life, etc. I now realize that break ups, no matter who initiated, are about US. They happen and when they do, as with any other emotional trauma and pain, it's a time to go within yourself, learn about yourself, connect with your Source/the universe/God and realign. Something was amiss...and you're being given the chance to see it for what it is and move forward with a new understanding so that you really won't have to experience "the same" thing again, but new lessons. In my opinion: if your only goal post breakup is to simply "get over" this person versus truly learning bigger lessons that encompass the broader picture of the situation, life, yourself etc....then you truly didn't learn anything and most break ups will feel like the same thing. There wasn't any true change or growth but simply blind tactics to get over the person and the pain. (Which is why NC without understanding the role and purpose makes absolutely no sense to me, because you are not truly comprehending what you are doing for REAL change but blindly following rules to not hurt).My advice would be to make this break-up more about YOU and the changes you need to make and the things YOU need to understand and see how things change. That is what I have learned and truly feel like makes a difference, that I did not realize in prior break ups (hence my most recent ex was a repeat of "the lesson" so that I could get it finally) Remember: "All endings are new beginnings" OH Beeotch, I need to hear so much more from you!!! Thanks so much for coming back and sharing your experiences....I am very fresh into my break-up but I can already see this happening again to me if I let myself fall in love again....if I make this whole process about me, then I will never try again because I will not ever want to subject myself to the hurt that I am feeling now. What is the in-between point? What do I have to know about myself, feel about myself so that I can love someone as much as I did without getting stomped on??
Beeotch Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 OH Beeotch, I need to hear so much more from you!!! Thanks so much for coming back and sharing your experiences....I am very fresh into my break-up but I can already see this happening again to me if I let myself fall in love again....if I make this whole process about me, then I will never try again because I will not ever want to subject myself to the hurt that I am feeling now. What is the in-between point? What do I have to know about myself, feel about myself so that I can love someone as much as I did without getting stomped on?? No problem Well for me, it became a spiritual journey to be honest. That changed my whole perspective. I started to realize the bigger picture, the idea of how the universe works, the fact that what is on the surface is not always the reality and just overall I have come to see the purpose in all the things I experience, whether they are painful or not. Each person's experience will be different. But what I do think applies to everyone, is that all situations you are faced with in your life are catered to you for a reason and the best you can do for yourself is to try to figure out the purpose of the experience and the lessons. Everyone's lesson is different so only you can figure it out... I was scared to of loving again and all that. But fear is a crippling thing and I choose to love instead of being fearful. That was a big lesson to me, to learn to love unconditionally (not to take bad treatment mind you) but to love without expectations and living in such a way that I will be complete within myself and attract that type of person as well; where I will not be needing some other person to "love" me romantically to feel good. But yea, for me, I had a spiritual evolution that truly put things in perspective and I can't really give my advice without adding those aspects because that is the ONLY thing that helped me to be honest.
bonpaw2008 Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 No problem Well for me, it became a spiritual journey to be honest. That changed my whole perspective. I started to realize the bigger picture, the idea of how the universe works, the fact that what is on the surface is not always the reality and just overall I have come to see the purpose in all the things I experience, whether they are painful or not. Each person's experience will be different. But what I do think applies to everyone, is that all situations you are faced with in your life are catered to you for a reason and the best you can do for yourself is to try to figure out the purpose of the experience and the lessons. Everyone's lesson is different so only you can figure it out... I was scared to of loving again and all that. But fear is a crippling thing and I choose to love instead of being fearful. That was a big lesson to me, to learn to love unconditionally (not to take bad treatment mind you) but to love without expectations and living in such a way that I will be complete within myself and attract that type of person as well; where I will not be needing some other person to "love" me romantically to feel good. But yea, for me, I had a spiritual evolution that truly put things in perspective and I can't really give my advice without adding those aspects because that is the ONLY thing that helped me to be honest. Spiritual evolution, where did it begin?
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