spiderowl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I broke up with a guy recently. He was more into me than I was him. We had a lot in common and talked about all sorts of things. It seemed like a good match at first on an interests level, but I didn't feel it for him physically. I knew it wouldn't work so we had to finish. We keep in touch now but it's not the same. Although it was my choice to opt out, I feel empty. I feel hopeless too. Yet another relationship hasn't worked out. I haven't been able to find a mutual match. I don't seem to have a problem attracting guys but they aren't usually ones I feel any attraction to. Sometimes I almost feel under pressure, as if I'm having to avoid eyes, keep guys at a distance, not relax and chat with them because they might take it the wrong way. I suppose there are so few guys I really feel anything for. I really want a relationship with someone I'm attracted to but it never works like this. It's so frustrating feeling that on the one hand I feel lonely, unattractive and unwanted and yet on the other I'm having to practically avoid guys as it seems the minute I'm friendly to them they keep trying to catch my eye and turn up wherever I am. Why is this happening? Why aren't I meeting guys I'm attracted to? I guess I don't know why I feel so hollow at the moment. I'm choosing not to enter into relationships with the wrong guys but I'm lonely and feel there's just no-one for me. I also hate having to keep guys at a distance like this. I can't just relax and be friendly with them if they are hoping for romance. My confidence has plummeted again. Why can't I just pick myself up and carry on, safe in the knowledge that at least some guys find me attractive? Why am I feeling so down about all this?
skydiveaddict Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 You have it easy believe me. There's nothing more devastating than being rejected by someone you are deeply in love with.
Author spiderowl Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 I appreciate what you say, skydiveaddict, as I've been there too. That's partly why I can't understand why I feel so down when it was my choice to leave. I agree it's far worse to be left.
zzxxx Posted August 3, 2010 Posted August 3, 2010 Hello! First of all, thanks for taking the time to reply to my post. I thought I'd return the favour. I've been in a similar situation with a guy. He was perfect in every way except I just couldn't find him physically attractive. I just couldn't imagine it ever working out between us and to this day, I don't regret leaving him. To him, I was the one who got away. He has a girlfriend now and I'm happy for him. We still contact each other occasionally but we're just friends. After breaking up with the recent guy, I feel exactly the same way as you do. I feel empty and not as confident anymore yet I have no problem attracting guys. The only problem is, the majority of guys who check me out or show interest in me aren't physically attractive to me. So, the advice I would give both of us would be: stop focusing on attractive guys and stop looking for a relationship, give all quality guys a chance and try to become friends with them. I find that talking to guys increases my confidence and makes me feel desired. Plus you will meet more people that way which increases your chance of meeting someone who is attractive to you. In the meantime, you could do things for yourself to feel more attractive and confident. For example, setting some goals and achieving them, work on looking hot by getting fitter and wear clothes and makeup that will make you feel confident when you're out in public. And I'm sure many guys find you attractive already, so don't worry about that. Speaking from experience, you will probably meet the next attractive guy when you least expect it. You just have to be patient and look forward to the future.
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