Sick of the Dating and Game Playing Circus

[Sphere]

Well strength is one of the best qualities I can bring to the table, and I'm surprised that more men haven't mentioned it as a desirable female trait! Ok, not surprised really.

 

Anyway, I'm not so mechanical, but seeing as I'm an accountant, unless I end up with someone who is also an accountant then I'm the better one to be balancing the checkbook. While his strengths might be something else, like fixing leaky pipes. And if neither of us are good at fixing leaky pipes, then we can use our combined wealth to get a plumber to come in.

 

That is what I call teamwork.

 

Still, the aversion that so many men feel to the word "feminist" is shocking. Feminism is about women wanting to be on the same level of prestige that men have been able to take for granted for forever. It's not about compromising who a man is as a person. And if either person compromises who the other person is as a person, regardless of gender, then that's not love.

 

It soons becomes a battle as the woman wants to control every aspect of a man's life and wants to control everything that goes on at home. This team work thing is something I sceptical of. A good woman will prove me wrong no doubt.

 

Women want to control men from what I see very rarely will a woman want to be an equal, so pardon me if I call your bluff, oh and feminism is a disgusting doctrine and feminists are the worst females going, they are scum. They're like a cancer to any normal man. They are the destroyer of men.

[espec10001]

It soons becomes a battle as the woman wants to control every aspect of a man's life and wants to control everything that goes on at home. This team work thing is something I sceptical of. A good woman will prove me wrong no doubt.

 

Women want to control men from what I see very rarely will a woman want to be an equal, so pardon me if I call your bluff, oh and feminism is a disgusting doctrine and feminists are the worst females going, they are scum. They're like a cancer to any normal man. They are the destroyer of men.

 

You see it only from the perspective of the man. Try seeing it from the perspective of the woman, as hard as it might be. Once you can see the issue from both sides, then you'll be closer to the truth.

[SassyKitten]

It soons becomes a battle as the woman wants to control every aspect of a man's life and wants to control everything that goes on at home. This team work thing is something I sceptical of. A good woman will prove me wrong no doubt.

 

Women want to control men from what I see very rarely will a woman want to be an equal, so pardon me if I call your bluff, oh and feminism is a disgusting doctrine and feminists are the worst females going, they are scum. They're like a cancer to any normal man. They are the destroyer of men.

 

Just how are feminists "scum"? Wanting the right to vote, the right to equal pay, the right to equal employment, the right to apply for credit, the right to do as we please with our bodies, etc. does not make us "scum", it makes up self-respecting. And if you wonder why I'm getting defensive about this, it is usually because in my experience that the men who get defensive about (gasp!) feminism are the ones who want to control their woman. The only things feminists are a "destroyer" of is men having all of the power at the expense of women, and that is only a good thing.

 

Also, one by-product that comes about from feminism, that I have noticed about myself comes out when I'm in a relationship with a man attempting to dominate me, is the instinct to control or be controlled. This is clearly a sign that I'm in the wrong relationship if this happens.

 

So please, do yourself and women a favor and don't lump us into the same category because you've had bad experiences. For anyone at all on this board who is single, it's because they haven't had the perfect relationship yet. And even so, there is no such thing as the perfect relationship, they all require work.

[Sphere]

Thanks for your time SassyKitten, but you'll not change me. I enjoy my life just the way it is. Good luck finding a man, may you find happiness.

 

As for Gamma1, good luck being an average, frustrated chump.

[zengirl]

I'm being deliberately provocative.

 

If you say so.

 

In fact a vast majority of my posts in threads have been me unleashing after people tried to swoop down on me.

 

You mean after being deliberately provocative, you were surprised by people responding as though provoked?

 

Try and back me in the corner and watch me explode. I agree that two people should try and work together in a relationship. I have never disputed this, nor would I ever try and make all the decisions on my own. I simply said I will lead, I never said I will dominate or conquer or demand or expect. I said I would lead and every feminist participating in this thread came looking for blood and tried to wear me down with pyscho-analysis and yet have failed miserably.

 

A valiant effort though by all accounts.

 

You love this word psycho-analysis. That's interesting. And feminist. Those are your buzzwords, I guess.

 

You said many other things that painted you as interested in control. You have stated your "demanding" nature in many threads. You have certainly used the word "expect" thoroughly elsewhere on LS. This strikes me as disingenuous.

 

Besides, if you lead, that means she follows. There are only 2 people in a relationship unless you're planning on forming a multi-partner household. If you're working together, there is no leader. A leader is only a leader so long as he has followers.

 

but the problem with that is the amount of potential dangers there with carers. I don't trust them.

 

I don't even know what this means. Even assuming "carers" means "careers" it seems nonsensical.

 

If she wants too, but she had best know how to be strong, because leaders aren't weaklings who sit there and cry into their lap, if she wants to lead she had best know how to lead. She had best know how to fix things around the house and she had best know how to compromise otherwise we'll have a lot of blazing arguments.

 

But any mention of the feminist doctrine and I will be gone. There is a poster on here called Jersey Shortie I'd rather die then spend a nano second with her.

 

If she's not a feminist, she's not strong. Because that means she doesn't want to have legal rights. But lets assume you don't know what the word means. Moving along. . .

 

She needs to compromise, so as not to argue with you, but she can be a leader? And you'll be a leader? With nobody following you? And leaders must fix things around the house?

 

What?

 

Frankly, I don't care what "she" is. I'm not certain you'll ever find a girl to marry you, and I honestly can't care less what people do or don't want in a mate. But don't try to act like you're not domineering. . . after writing a bunch of controlling, domineering things.

 

It's not your composition skills. It's your character.

Edited August 2, 2010 by zengirl

[SassyKitten]

Zengirl said it very well.

 

And Sphere, you do come across in your posts as wanting to control the woman in your life, whether you even admit it to yourself or not. And I see that you're copping out as well as there's no way you can explain how you supposedly want an equal partnership but also think all feminists are scum, and I suppose I make you feel very emasculated. Thank you, you have just made me very glad I'm single. And if you carry on like this, the only woman who will ever think she's happy with you is the brainwashed little girl who's never grown up.

[Sphere]

I suppose I make you feel very emasculated. Thank you, you have just made me very glad I'm single

 

I wouldn't give you the satisfaction and you also make me glad that I don't meet women like you too often. I'd so sooner want cancer than a woman like yourself.

[SassyKitten]

I wouldn't give you the satisfaction and you also make me glad that I don't meet women like you too often. I'd so sooner want cancer than a woman like yourself.

 

Yeah, well I'd rather sell myself into slavery than end up with a man like you.

 

Oh, wait, being with a man like you would pretty much be selling myself into slavery.

[Sphere]

 

As a man, I'm not scared of feminism at all. More and more men are embracing it.

 

Yes because it's everywhere. It was drilled into me, but I have long since rejected it. I refuse to be an emotional tampon for a woman. If you want to be that's fine, but that's why you are an AFC and I'm not.

[Sphere]

Yeah, well I'd rather sell myself into slavery than end up with a man like you.

 

Oh, wait, being with a man like you would pretty much be selling myself into slavery.

 

I suggest you focus more on why at 28 you are single, haven't got children and can't keep a man. There was a reason you were dumped. There's no smoke without fire as they say.

[SassyKitten]

I suggest you focus more on why at 28 you are single, haven't got children and can't keep a man. There was a reason you were dumped. There's no smoke without fire as they say.

 

I was dumped because he was a dominating man who wanted to call all of the shots and have me cater to him. Goodbye and good riddance to that I say.

[zengirl]

It soons becomes a battle as the woman wants to control every aspect of a man's life and wants to control everything that goes on at home. This team work thing is something I sceptical of. A good woman will prove me wrong no doubt.

 

Of course you're skeptical of teamwork. Most controlling people are. Of course you find people want to control you. Most controlling people do. None of this is surprising.

 

Women want to control men from what I see very rarely will a woman want to be an equal, so pardon me if I call your bluff, oh and feminism is a disgusting doctrine and feminists are the worst females going, they are scum. They're like a cancer to any normal man. They are the destroyer of men.

 

What was her bluff?

 

There will be balance in a good marriage.

 

In some households the woman makes more than the man and sometimes the dad stays at home with the kids. It's whatever works best for the couple. That is part of feminism. Rather than saying the man must have certain duties and the woman must have other duties, things can be different.

 

As a man, I'm not scared of feminism at all. More and more men are embracing it.

 

Exactly. Women get their legal rights. Meanwhile, in interpersonal relationships, a gal and a guy work out what's best for them. Anyone threatened by that has some pretty ugly issues that run deep.

 

Yes because it's everywhere. It was drilled into me, but I have long since rejected it. I refuse to be an emotional tampon for a woman. If you want to be that's fine, but that's why you are an AFC and I'm not.

 

You long since rejected the notion that women are equal to men, and you are proud of this? (But not at all a jerk or controlling?)

 

Or. . . you long since rejected using the proper meanings of words like "feminists" instead substituting the definitions with whatever randomness you like, or none at all?

 

Also: What the heck is an emotional tampon?

[SassyKitten]

Thank you Gamma, thank you Zengirl.

 

Besides, I would like to avoid this kind of relationship from now on:

 

It's amazing too, no one who is truly sexist will come out and say it, but they will act charming and make an artform out of beating around the bush.

[meerkat stew]

I wouldn't give you the satisfaction and you also make me glad that I don't meet women like you too often. I'd so sooner want cancer than a woman like yourself.

 

Yeah, well I'd rather sell myself into slavery than end up with a man like you.

 

So sweet, my parents exchanged similar pleasantries ages ago and have been married 50 years now! They still call each other "cancer-face" and "slavedriver" to this day! Best wishes for a long and blessed life together!

[SassyKitten]

Hey, here's a good glimpse of exactly how I've felt when it comes to dating!!!!

Edited August 2, 2010 by SassyKitten

[jamesum]

But at the end of the day, I admit that in real life Sphere is still going to get all the women.

 

Cant blame women for that though. A man's confidence is like a car's paint. The shinier it is the more attractive it becomes. But often the shiny paint is a cover for the bad engine.

 

Im not saying women should go after the shy guys because shy guys can be equally emotionally draining. Just go for the ones who seem calm and balanced (not acting like the men's man all the time and not acting like a suicidal loner either).

[SassyKitten]

But at the end of the day, I admit that in real life Sphere is still going to get all the women.

 

Cant blame women for that though. A man's confidence is like a car's paint. The shinier it is the more attractive it becomes. But often the shiny paint is a cover for the bad engine.

 

Im not saying women should go after the shy guys because shy guys can be equally emotionally draining. Just go for the ones who seem calm and balanced (not acting like the men's man all the time and not acting like a suicidal loner either).

 

Yeah, but in hindsight men who are genuinely selfish and chauvinist get bitchslapped by me!

 

Which is why the calm and balanced ones are the way to go from now on.

[zengirl]

But at the end of the day, I admit that in real life Sphere is still going to get all the women.

 

Cant blame women for that though. A man's confidence is like a car's paint. The shinier it is the more attractive it becomes. But often the shiny paint is a cover for the bad engine.

 

Im not saying women should go after the shy guys because shy guys can be equally emotionally draining. Just go for the ones who seem calm and balanced (not acting like the men's man all the time and not acting like a suicidal loner either).

 

First of all, I've been into plenty of semi-shy guys. The guy I happen to be into now (it's long-distance, so nothing has come of it yet. . . darn impending move. . . we'll see ) describes himself as quite shy at first, which is true. What he isn't is severely socially awkward. I think both overconfident jerks and some uber-shy shut-ins are socially awkward. The middle ground is where you find most healthy people.

 

I know loads of friendly fellows who are confident in a healthy way. Why must folks act like confidence = jerk. Most of these jerks have fake confidence that is easily threatened (which would explain some of the reactions they have to things). Confidence is sexy. Being a jerk is not. If women date the jerks, it's not because "Confidence is sexy," it's because they, like SassyKitten here can't spot jerks for some reason or another. There's some sort of logical fallacy involved in equating their success with their confidence (or rather their particular blend of easily threatened arrogance); when they are successful, they're successful primarily for other reasons. Generally, a gaping wound or limiting belief on the part of the other party.

[Sphere]

But at the end of the day, I admit that in real life Sphere is still going to get all the women.

 

Cant blame women for that though. A man's confidence is like a car's paint. The shinier it is the more attractive it becomes. But often the shiny paint is a cover for the bad engine.

 

Im not saying women should go after the shy guys because shy guys can be equally emotionally draining. Just go for the ones who seem calm and balanced (not acting like the men's man all the time and not acting like a suicidal loner either).

 

I don't get all the girls though, I get rejected. Getting a girl on a date is the easy part, the challenge comes in finding the right the woman for you.

 

How many Ferarri's do you know with a bad engine?

 

Women do not go for anything, they wait and expect to be pursued by a man. If you want a date with a woman, then you had better get the proverbial balls to approach her, create small talk and leave with her number. This is the problem with a shy men, they'll see a woman they like and they'll do nothing. They hesistate, they start thinking "oh what if I get rejected?", "what if she thinks I'm freak?", "I don't know what to say to her", "What happens if I mess up?".

 

I don't worry about these things, if I see a girl I like, I'll approach her, start a conversation and I'll ask her for her number. Many women say no and a lot have said yes, it's a numbers game. The more women you ask, the more numbers you'll get and the more dates you'll go on. It isn't hard. It just takes someone who is confident and has a care free attitude towards dating.

 

There are times when I don't get any numbers at all. Last summer I went nearly two months without a date because a lot of women I asked just weren't interested. No sweat, she's just a girl and there are many more like her.

[jamesum]

First of all, I've been into plenty of semi-shy guys. The guy I happen to be into now (it's long-distance, so nothing has come of it yet. . . darn impending move. . . we'll see ) describes himself as quite shy at first, which is true. What he isn't is severely socially awkward. I think both overconfident jerks and some uber-shy shut-ins are socially awkward. The middle ground is where you find most healthy people.

Yeah, when I look for a girl, I avoid the ones who always want to be the center of attention and the ones who always sit by themselves in the corner so to speak. I usually go for the ones who just seem 'normal' for a lack of better word.

 

I know loads of friendly fellows who are confident in a healthy way. Why must folks act like confidence = jerk. Most of these jerks have fake confidence that is easily threatened (which would explain some of the reactions they have to things). Confidence is sexy. Being a jerk is not. If women date the jerks, it's not because "Confidence is sexy," it's because they, like SassyKitten here can't spot jerks for some reason or another. There's some sort of logical fallacy involved in equating their success with their confidence (or rather their particular blend of easily threatened arrogance); when they are successful, they're successful primarily for other reasons. Generally, a gaping wound or limiting belief on the part of the other party.

You know, I think 'Confidence' is not the right term to use in the first place.

 

I think 'Cockiness' is the more appropriate word.

 

For me, 'Shyness' is when you have too low level of 'Confidence', while 'Cockiness' is the level when you have too much 'Confidence'.

 

It is easy to tell 'Confidence' and 'Cockiness' apart. Its just that even as a guy I admit that 'Cockiness' can be very very alluring. And its not just for guys. Women who behave like 'bitches' (female version of jerks) for example also ironically tend to get all the attention because such personality intrigues the people around the person.

[Sphere]

I'm cocky? You must be joking, I have seen cockiness and that's not what I have, no sir, you are wrong.

[zengirl]

Yeah, when I look for a girl, I avoid the ones who always want to be the center of attention and the ones who always sit by themselves in the corner so to speak. I usually go for the ones who just seem 'normal' for a lack of better word.

 

You know, I think 'Confidence' is not the right term to use in the first place.

 

I think 'Cockiness' is the more appropriate word.

 

For me, 'Shyness' is when you have too low level of 'Confidence', while 'Cockiness' is the level when you have too much 'Confidence'.

 

It is easy to tell 'Confidence' and 'Cockiness' apart. Its just that even as a guy I admit that 'Cockiness' can be very very alluring. And its not just for guys. Women who behave like 'bitches' (female version of jerks) for example also ironically tend to get all the attention because such personality intrigues the people around the person.

 

I know people who are reserved/shy, but not actually insecure. They may be a bit less secure in new social situations, but they are very secure in other ways. Insecurities that cripple us are really the issues. So, crippling shyness is, of course, unattractive. The other issue with shyness is just that they're going to get noticed less. But a fellow or gal who's shy and yet can assert himself when necessary isn't really an issue, IMO.

 

I don't find that jerks or bitches get any farther in life, and I think that's a myth. They are better at pulling people into unhealthy, controlling cycles, but they aren't actually happy in them, so why want that?

 

At any rate, I think the better words here than confidence or cockiness are egotistical, self-centered, and arrogant. The ego and a desire for control will do that to you; they can be twisted any which way and come in many forms, though.

[SassyKitten]

I've never been the type to sit back and wait for a man to approach me, and in light of recent events I'm becoming even less like that now. Men fear rejection too, so I'd imagine it would helps things along a bit if I'm not afraid to give the green light.

[MrNate]

I've never been the type to sit back and wait for a man to approach me, and in light of recent events I'm becoming even less like that now. Men fear rejection too, so I'd imagine it would helps things along a bit if I'm not afraid to give the green light.

 

This is a bold woman.

[SassyKitten]

This is a bold woman.

 

And life's too short to have it any other way!!