Lovelybird Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) Hi everyone, I think we all have depressed moment from time to time. And when we have those moments, some friends or therapist would listen and advice. In your experience, what is the worst advice you have gotten that made you feel worse not better? such as " things will get better" "think positively" ......or anything else? AND what is the best advice you received that helped you fight with the depression? . Edited July 31, 2010 by Lovelybird
0hpenelope Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Hi everyone, I think we all have depressed moment from time to time. And when we have those moments, some friends or therapist would listen and advice. In your experience, what is the worst advice you have gotten that made you feel worse not better? such as " things will get better" "think positively" ......or anything else? AND what is the best advice you received that helped you fight with the depression? Advice that made me feel worse: "Things happen for a reason." Advice that helped me: "If you give up, then you give up on yourself."
quankanne Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 my spouse mouthing platitudes – or worse, refusing to acknowledge that I was hurt hard by a bit of news – when I just needed him to hug me and generally show love. best advice? Again, it goes back to the gift of presence: When I thought I was flipping out, my two closest friends pulled me aside and asked how I was doing, and I knew their concern was genuine because they were with me, you know?
Author Lovelybird Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 0hpenelope, "things happen for a reason" does sound tough, even I know this, but if this come from others, I think I would feel bad too. this Make me think about it in a new way quankanne, you mean the best advice is not to advice at all, just being there? so do you mean all those positive talking is like platitudes? Your inputs are really helpful.
knaveman Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 "things happen for a reason" always got me through the tough times. Still does. "why can't you just be happy?" or "you should just get over it" or "it's not as bad as you make it out to be" or "why do you have to be this way?" always pissed me off. People that don't understand a depression also don't realize that you can't "just get over it." That's when I gave up talking to people about my mood swings and problems and just started figuring things out for myself.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) I despise being told anything religious--like "you're way isn't working, you should let god into your life". I told the speaker of those words, my sister that for the sake of peace and good feelings between us "DON"T EVER SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME AGAIN". I've worked very hard to dis-indoctrinate myself to phony baloney little plastic snow globe view of the universe revoling around us and we being so important as to have a god and a world created for us where everything is viewed as some kind of divine provision. I consider such narrow-mindedness an invisible placenta that one walks around inside and is only really born as a facer of truth when that bag is ripped open and torn off. There's no going back to make believe after that--you know there's no Santa and the jig is up. Best advice is a written prescription for 20 mg of fluoxetine hydrochloride each day. (Prozac). Edited July 31, 2010 by Feelin Frisky
0hpenelope Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) 0hpenelope, "things happen for a reason" does sound tough, even I know this, but if this come from others, I think I would feel bad too. this Make me think about it in a new way. The not knowing part bothers me. It just sounds very empty to me, non-directional and very general; condescending in some ways, even. It helps others, so more power to them. Whatever helps them, short of inflicting pain on themselves or others. Myself, I just shortened it to "Things happen." It's not much better than things happening "for a reason," but my thinking process goes like this: Advice: Things happen. Me: Yeah, they do. As opposed to - A: Things happen. M: Yeah they do. A: They happen for a reason. M: Like what? A: They just happen. M: So... things happen. A: ...Yeah. The former's just easier to accept. Just 2 pennies from Penny. Hang in there, lovely. I still struggle with some days myself. It's hard when my worst enemy is me when I'm supposed to be the one that loves me most well. Edited July 31, 2010 by 0hpenelope
Author Lovelybird Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 "things happen for a reason" always got me through the tough times. Still does. "why can't you just be happy?" or "you should just get over it" or "it's not as bad as you make it out to be" or "why do you have to be this way?" always pissed me off. People that don't understand a depression also don't realize that you can't "just get over it." That's when I gave up talking to people about my mood swings and problems and just started figuring things out for myself. I have been both sides of the fence. I think I probably said almost everything here you listed, well almost everything sometimes I think I forgot what depression feels like, and I try to analyze everything for the person and searching the root, so I ask why do you do this and do that, like to offer a quick fix, or tell the person to change perspectives, so the situation won't be as bad as he/she thinks it to be, guess this is not working? I guess the depressed person's most urgent need is to be understood the pain. I despise being told anything religious--like "you're way isn't working, you should let god into your life". I told the speaker of those words, my sister that for the sake of peace and good feelings between us "DON"T EVER SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME AGAIN". I've worked very hard to dis-indoctrinate myself to phony baloney little plastic snow globe view of the universe revoling around us and we being so important as to have a god and a world created for us where everything is viewed as some kind of divine provision. I consider such narrow-mindedness an invisible placenta that one walks around inside and is only really born as a facer of truth when that bag is ripped open and torn off. There's no going back to make believe after that--you know there's no Santa and the jig is up. Best advice is a written prescription for 20 mg of fluoxetine hydrochloride each day. (Prozac). What is wrong being important? I mean not important as one is entitled, but important as one is loved enough that been given the right to absorbs the love and good energy. As I see it, it is a difference of being gratitude or not. such as two persons are offered air, but only one of them give thanks to God, and another thinks it is random chance. The not knowing part bothers me. It just sounds very empty to me, non-directional and very general; condescending in some ways, even. It helps others, so more power to them. Whatever helps them, short of inflicting pain on themselves or others. Myself, I just shortened it to "Things happen." It's not much better than things happening "for a reason," but my thinking process goes like this: Advice: Things happen. Me: Yeah, they do. As opposed to - A: Things happen. M: Yeah they do. A: They happen for a reason. M: Like what? A: They just happen. M: So... things happen. A: ...Yeah. The former's just easier to accept. Just 2 pennies from Penny. Hang in there, lovely. I still struggle with some days myself. It's hard when my worst enemy is me when I'm supposed to be the one that loves me most well. thanks, 0hpenelope. I agree with the most enemy is ourselves. I can beat myself up for no good reason now is not as bad as in my 20's, but sometimes I still do this, but acknowledging this is a good step
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