Wings Of Love Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 This may be quite long, but please bear with me. A bit of back story first. We were together for just 15 months. Not very long I know, but we had a wonderful relationship. Then, Feb 2009, he suddenly leaves me. No real explanation, nothing. Things happened, but he said he wanted to be friends. I agreed, because I hoped it might amount to a reconciliation eventually. It didn't. Over the next two months he formed "relationships" with 3 girls. The first lasted a week, the second lasted a month and the third lasted a year. The last one left him last month, and he immediately contacted me, though I'd initiated NC last August. We talked, and we still get on so well. But two weeks later he found another girlfriend. My ex and I are still talking via the internet, always with him contacting me first. I don't understand him though. When it came out that I still had strong feelings for him, he was very kind, but told me that our time together was over. However, since then he has been very attentive, forever insisting I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. He is very protective of me, and if I mention a guy he needs to know all about him. If I comment on a man's attractiveness, he will turn it into a joke saying that he is far better looking. But he is also very keen to pair me off with someone, even going so far as to trying to set me up with friends of his. He admitted he has shown his friends pictures of me. I asked him which ones, and he said that he had shown them all the old pictures he had kept from when we were together. I asked him why he kept them, he said he often got nostalgic and wanted to see them. He also says he has kept every present, card, love letter, email and random little note I gave him. I was surprised, he would usually dispose of things like that to avoid upsetting other girlfriends. Today we were kidding around online, as we often do, and he mentioned his friend was treating him to drinks down the pub tonight. I jokingly asked if I could join them. He knew I wasn't serious, but he said it would be great if I could come. I said no, as it was supposed to be guys only. Then he said he would love to see me soon, just us, because it's been a long time. I didn't give him an answer. I'd also like to mention that a few days ago, after hearing a spiteful rumour spread by his most recent ex girlfriend, he told me that the only person he could trust was his new girlfriend. He said he couldn't even trust me, despite everything. That hurt, so I didn't say anything more, and for a few days neither of us spoke. Then he apologised, said he's been having a tough time lately, feeling lonely and not understanding his own feelings. He's not sure he loves his new girlfriend but he wouldn't leave her anyway, because he's always told me he hates being alone. I just can't get my head around his behaviour.
spiderowl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Well, he's hard work! He likes you paying him attention though is really offering nothing in return, certainly not a romantic relationship. He's told you your time with him is over and various other things which make it clear. He's definitely messing with your head because he's doing all the things that someone might do if they were flirting, but stopping short of saying he wants you back. I know you still have feelings for him but I feel he's just pulling strings because he can. Do you want to be his friend? If not, I'd recommend going back to no contact. I would only accept him saying that the wanted to be back in a romantic relationship with me, before even considering this guy, and even then I don't think I'd trust him not to end it again once he'd found he could pull my strings! Don't accept this teasing behaviour, make it clear that half-heartedness is of no interest to you and you have better things to do. Do not put any pressure on him to be in a relationship with you, just make it clear that what he's offering is irrelevant to your goals. If he's genuinely becoming interested, he may make a commitment but it's more likely he'll back off again knowing he's only playing while he's at a loose end. Sorry.
lunita Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Hmm. Sounds like he's playing a game and that he likes the attention for his own selfish reasons. I don't think this is very helpful to you unless you have zero feelings for him. But if you do have feelings for him, I recommened you distance yourself....it doesn't exactly seem fair or easy.
cavedweller Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 He is just jerking your chain.. You need to find you a new boyfriend and 'kick him to the curb'.
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