forever_waiting Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 i apologise this rant is long. i recently came into a shared house with 3 others- almost as soon as i'd moved in, one of my housemates, 'V', didn't hesitate to make sure i understood all the 'rules' of the house and i quickly noticed she was always very passive-aggressive in the way she spoke to me. we would have chats and she would tell me stories that sounded as though she was hinting about how i shouldn't behave and what she didn't like people doing. we did become quite good friends but as time went by i noticed she was always on my case about small things, like details of what i'd done during the day, and kind of judging me about them, and i started to feel i was being scrutinized all the time. i'm a very private person so i like to keep to myself, and i'm not terribly extroverted so if there's a lot of commotion or strangers in the house i prefer to stay in my room. she expects people in househares should always be sociable and says i'm weird for being so quiet, constantly pointing out that i'm 'always alone in my room' and how it isn't healthy. there are no communal areas in the house, we only have our bedrooms and the kitchen/diner area so 9 times out of 10 if i'm at home, i'll be in my room. she's in the room next to mine and if i'm ever in there for what she considers a long time she'll always check on me or comment that i need to eat something because she's noticed i haven't come out for a while. i just want to be left alone most of the time but even if i say that to her it doesn't help that i still feel incredibly self-conscious she's judging my every action. when i go to the kitchen for a drink she'll say something like 'oh, so you ARE still alive then' even though i've only been on the computer for an hour with my door ajar so she could've seen i wasn't being totally recluse. i told her before that i'd had emotional problems in the past and suffered depression and anxiety so it was my natural reaction to want to hide away when i feel vulnerable, and she kept telling me over and over i should see a doctor about it because she really felt i needed help for my behaviour. i agreed to do so as it was something i'd wanted to address also, but she was only satisfied after she'd gotten proof that i'd registered at the local doctor and made an appointment, and even then she kept asking me what they'd said and what pills they'd given me etc which i feel is very personal. about a month ago i quit my job for personal reasons and i didn't really feel like telling anyone so i kept it to myself. nobody really asked me about it but i'd told my housemates where i worked before and they sometimes went in there before they'd met me. anyway, one day i came home and V asked me how my day at work had been. i just kind of shrugged and she then told me she'd been into my workplace and asked when she didn't see me there, and they told her i'd quit. she exploded at me because i'd been 'keeping it from her' for two weeks. she said she felt hurt that i didn't admit it to her when it happened and she felt she couldn't trust me, we were 'supposed to be friends'. i told her i quit for my own reasons and i hated admitting my failures so i kept it to myself, and it was not really any of her business. she shouted 'well i hate people who lie', stormed off into her room and slammed the door. the next day she was acting like nothing had happened and was talking to me like normal, and then asked to have a chat because she'd decided to make peace with me. she then reminded me she would 'not lie to any of the others if they ask'. i later eavesdropped on her and another housemate in the kitchen where she outright told them what had happened, without them even asking, behind my back. the next thing i know she'd taken it upon herself to help me get a new job. i appreciated this and accepted her offer to print off some copies of my CV at her work for free, but soon she began catching up on everything i'd say or do, interrogating me, and everyday became like coming home to your mum nagging you. she went into a shop i'd told her i'd applied in to question them about the vacancy because they'd taken the sign down, then came home and questioned me about it- i appreciate her concern that they may have closed the application and hadn't got in contact with me, but i didn't ask her to do this and i felt she was involving herself in my personal business just a bit too far for someone i hadn't known that long. conversations with her inevitably turn towards the subject of jobs and she'll keep poking at it like a raw wound, making comments that she'd looked in my cupboard and saw i was running out of food, how was i going to pay for more, etc etc. i just stopped talking about it to her altogether but she continued to guilt trip me into sitting down with her and filling out applications online so she could see i'd physically done something. and then she'll always be on my case about 'have they got back to you yet, you need to go and talk to them, have you done that yet, when are you going to do it' it's like being interviewed at the frickin' Job Centre. when she can tell i'm getting fed up with her prying she'll say she's 'just trying to help' which i do appreciate, but i dread coming home for fear of being under constant scrutiny from her. i'm just trying to get on with MY life without having this extra burden on me every day. then there was an event which happened involving a third housemate, C, who is really nice and is always offering snacks from her cupboard to me, and she says 'if you feel like some biscuits or whatever just help yourself, i don't mind' and V is always nicking chocolate from there and not replacing it. one day i was at home by myself and put a movie on, and i didn't have any snacks so i took a bag of popcorn from C's cupboard. she was away for the weekend and i decided i would go to the shop the next day and replace it before she got back, and she wouldn't mind. later when V came home she had obviously been in C's cupboard to get some biscuits and noticed a bag of popcorn missing so she asked me if i'd taken it and i said yes i'd eaten some and left the bag in my room, and that i was going to buy some more tomorrow. she kind of chastised me about it but then admitted she took a fair amount from her too so she'd 'let me off'. the next day i bought some popcorn while i was out, and V had rung and texted me earlier to remind me to buy it even though it was honestly not her problem to begin with. when i came home C was already back and V seemed in a very bad mood, as though she were completely ignoring me then said she was going out for a walk and left. i asked if everything was alright and C took me aside and told me when she came home she'd asked about the popcorn and V had told her i'd taken it and left it in my room. she also said i was replacing it when i got home but C said she really fancied some right then so V told her to just go look for the rest of the bag. they went through my room and found something extemely personal which i would never have intended to let any of them see but V really didn't like and became very angry about. C just said she had to let me know because V didn't know how to confront me about it. i was extremely humiliated and felt i had to be guilty towards V even though my privacy had been unnecessarily violated. as soon as she came home she came to talk to me and though i let her know she had no right to be angry she still was. she twisted it to make ME apologise and then told me that if she found anything else that offended her she would tell the landlord and get me evicted. now i have just come home today to find that she is again angry at something she found when she was 'cleaning', there was a plastic bag of rubbish in my room that i'd tied up ready to put out which had some broken cutlery in that she'd noticed had gone missing. she asked me before and i said i didn't know about it because i knew she'd freak out at me like usual and assumed if i hid it and threw it out she'd never know and i would just get some more. i was wrong for doing so, but what got me is that she was angry because she had gone into my room and obviously made an effort to look through the rubbish bag to find the broken cutlery which i think was completely in violation of my privacy once again. she had no reason to believe there was anything in there that she should see and i had no intention of her ever seeing it. she was so angry she began shouting at me and saying she refused to live with a liar, that she didn't care what i did but she was moving out. i could hardly get my words out to try and say sorry because she was so loud, telling me i obviously didn't mean it. she said she had 'put up with enough of my crap already' and even started having a go that i was too lazy to get a job and she was sick of helping me. she then said she was sick of me and got up to shout 'just get out of my sight' before slamming the door right in my face. i'm really looking forward to having to be in the same house as her when i wake up tomorrow morning. i'm so infuriated i actually don't care what she does now. i just don't know what i should do.
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