Pink Cupcakes Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 wants to take you on a 3-day weekend trip to San Francisco, and booked the flight, the woman should not offer to pay her airfare since he offered the gift of the trip, correct? Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Correct. I wouldn`t invite a woman to travel unless I`ve taken care of those arrangements. Link to post Share on other sites
DontWorryBHappy Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Lol, I certianly wouldnt offer to pay for a trip I never planned on... This inst like offering to pay for a Coke! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 I'm old fashioned, so two months would be a bit soon for me, but, yeah, being old-fashioned, I wouldn't consider not paying for the trip. I'd probably get separate rooms though Link to post Share on other sites
jamesum Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Lol, if he didnt even discuss the plan with you then its on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 No, he asked if I would go to SF with him a couple weeks back, and told me which weekend he was free. He texted me that he booked the plane tickets today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 I'm old fashioned, so two months would be a bit soon for me, but, yeah, being old-fashioned, I wouldn't consider not paying for the trip. I'd probably get separate rooms though We're getting along very well and are exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 Thanks, Linwood. Your response was the most helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 For that matter, if I booked a trip and invited a fellow, I wouldn't ask him to pay either. (So, it's not about gender.) I'd buy him a nice meal during the trip or surprise him with tickets or something (I don't know what y'all are doing) if a fellow flew me away on vacation, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) He has been there many times. He has box seats to the Giants game there, and he has his favorite hotel and restaurants...all the plans he booked himself, as well as some surprises he doesn't want to tell me. so not much I can contribute to. It just felt funny. Maybe I'll buy him a Giants hat or something but he probably already has one. I know if I offered to reimburse him on anything, he would refuse, but I didn't want to be rude by not offering, I guess I was wondering if I should even bother to ask to reimburse a "well off" guy on an extravagant trip. Edited July 31, 2010 by Pink Cupcakes Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 He has been there many times. He has box seats to the Giants game there, and he has his favorite hotel and restaurants...all the plans he booked himself, as well as some surprises he doesn't want to tell me. so not much I can contribute to. It just felt funny. Maybe I'll buy him a Giants hat or something but he probably already has one. I know if I offered to reimburse him on anything, he would refuse, but I didn't want to be rude by not offering, I guess I was wondering if I should even bother to ask to reimburse a "well off" guy on an extravagant trip. Yeah, surprise him with a thoughtful gift. And maybe cook a nice thank-you dinner when you get home. And, of course, you can always offer at dinners, etc, to grab the tab. Sounds like he probably won't let you. Sounds like a fun trip too! Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Yep, this is something he has taken the liberty of doing. He booked it! He's offering it as a gift to you. Link to post Share on other sites
summerl0vesyou Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 He already booked it...to me thats saying he doesnt expect you to pay. its not like he asked if you wanted to go, anyway, or if you'd pay for your flight. Done and done...you dont have to offer! =) Link to post Share on other sites
GordonDarkfoot Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 wants to take you on a 3-day weekend trip to San Francisco, and booked the flight, the woman should not offer to pay her airfare since he offered the gift of the trip, correct? LOL, this is so wrong. I can't believe everyone is telling you not to offer to pay for your share of the plane fair. Yes, I know you didn't plan it. So then don't go, if you don't want to? Look if it's meant as his gift to you, he will just say "No I wouldn't hear of it, my treat." If it was really clearly offered as a "gift" why would you even be asking this question? In any case, it's still better to offer to pay half, and then let him insist on making a gift of it--if that's what he wants to do. Offering to pay at the very least enhances communication between the two of you. If you're in a serious relationship with someone (and I hope you are if you're going on three day trips with them), is it a relationship of equality, or are you a woman who is willing to be used and "paid for"? Offering to pay also sends the message, loud and clear, that you are no gold digger. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 LOL, this is so wrong. I can't believe everyone is telling you not to offer to pay for your share of the plane fair. Yes, I know you didn't plan it. So then don't go, if you don't want to? Look if it's meant as his gift to you, he will just say "No I wouldn't hear of it, my treat." If it was really clearly offered as a "gift" why would you even be asking this question? In any case, it's still better to offer to pay half, and then let him insist on making a gift of it--if that's what he wants to do. Offering to pay at the very least enhances communication between the two of you. If you're in a serious relationship with someone (and I hope you are if you're going on three day trips with them), is it a relationship of equality, or are you a woman who is willing to be used and "paid for"? Offering to pay also sends the message, loud and clear, that you are no gold digger. It's booked. He suggested it. He booked it. What if it's not something she'd buy herself?* That's where the "halfsies" thing breaks down. When I was making a lot of money and dating a struggling fellow, I paid for weekend trips; likewise, when I was a poor graduate student and dating a fellow who was living very comfortably, he paid for weekend trips. It didn't mean either of the relationships were unequal. *This is what's awkward. Let's say one person is dating someone with significantly more money or even just money-to-spend. . . is the poorer person supposed to say, "No, I don't want to go" or "No, I can't afford it" in your view here. This is only a secondary point; hence the asterisk. I wanted to address your "equality" as the main issue. Link to post Share on other sites
GordonDarkfoot Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 No, he asked if I would go to SF with him a couple weeks back, and told me which weekend he was free. He texted me that he booked the plane tickets today. Hmmm.....I'm not seeing where he clearly indicated he intended that he would pay for your ticket with no expectation of reimbursement (and by implication, paying for the plane ticket might suggest he pays for the entire trip--meals, entertainment, incidentals?) In any case, you lose absolutely nothing by offering to pay for your ticket and therefore clarifying what was meant, therefore enhancing the mutual communication between the two of you, and raising your value as a non-gold-digging woman w/o a ridiculous sense of entitlement. And you can be very diplomatic about it as well so as not to risk "insulting" him if he really did intend it as a gift: "Honey I wasn't clear if you wanted me to chip in for my ticket which I would be happy to do, if not, you have to let me treat you to a night out on the town when we get there. Let me know how you would like to handle the financial arrangements." He will then very clearly let you know what his expectations are, and if he doesn't, you have clearly communicated what yours are. If you are serious about this "dating stuff" and this "relationship stuff," then one of your objectives should be to raise yourself above the pack. One of the ways you can do that is not being just another woman who is willing to trade her p*ssy for financial considerations. There's no difference between him buying you a plane ticket and him handing you the cash. DON'T be "that kind of girl." Link to post Share on other sites
GordonDarkfoot Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I'm old fashioned, so two months would be a bit soon for me, but, yeah, being old-fashioned, I wouldn't consider not paying for the trip. I'd probably get separate rooms though Precisely. A true gentleman would be unlikely to make such an "offer" without expecting he will foot the bill. Which is why it makes no sense for the OP NOT to offer to pay anyway, because that will certainly clarify his expectations AND it will demonstrate she's not a gold digger. And it will also demonstrate that she's not simply some chick who's in a relationship based on financial benefits. It's only been two months, what if some other guy comes along with a better offer? Link to post Share on other sites
GordonDarkfoot Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Correct. I wouldn`t invite a woman to travel unless I`ve taken care of those arrangements. But if the intent was so crystal clear, OP wouldn't have posted asking this particular question. The ambiguity arises from the fact that they haven't been dating all that long AND because when people go on trips together and one makes the arrangements for both, the arranger is generally going to "book" i.e. reserve and perhaps pay for both plane tickets all at once on their credit card. That doesn't NECESSARILY mean the arranger has no expectation of ultimately being reimbursed. Just because I put someone's ticket on my credit card doesn't mean it's a "gift." I might expect to get paid back. Also, they'll be staying in a hotel for three days, going out to restaurants, etc.? The plane tickets are probably at least a couple of hundred each depending on where OP is traveling from, depending on where they are staying and what kind of restaurants and other entertainment they are doing, this trip could easily cost 500 - 1000 each inclusive of air fare. Assuming OP envisions potentially having a serious LTR with this bf, this event would be a PERFECT time to have a discussion about some of the financial expectations each of them have in this relationship. It is simply showing RESPECT to the bf to at least OFFER to pay her share, not just treating him as a wallet to be emptied, not showing a huge sense of entitlement. Wanting to be treated as an equal but also treating him as an equal. Communicating expectations in an adult, rational, but unambiguous way. You see the real problem here is that this is precisely the kind of question OP should be directing to the bf in question, not the internet, because it is not the internet's opinion that matters, it is the bf's. Almost everyone other than myself in this thread seems to have the attitude of "Yeah! Free plane ticket!" Fine, if that's where one's head happens to be, but that type of thinking is not very conducive to establishing mature healthy LTRs. Think about what is best for the OTHER PERSON. Show consideration for the OTHER PERSON. That's how good strong relationships are formed. Which should be the point, right? Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 wants to take you on a 3-day weekend trip to San Francisco, and booked the flight, the woman should not offer to pay her airfare since he offered the gift of the trip, correct? I booked a 3-day, 2-night hotel in the Bay Area for Independence Day weekend. When I told my man, he was surprised and pleased. But he offered to pay for half of the fee even when I clarified that it's my splurge and my treat since when we commence LDR, it will be a little more difficult to see each other and I will be the occasional pooper to him due to simple, illogical reasons that we're not as accessible to each other and I'm missing him a lot, taking out on him the frustrations of not being able to see each other as much as we want. That was during our 1 1/2 mos. of dating. I feel it falls down to the arrangement and kind of people involved. Snuggie and I aren't much for extravagant gifts on each other: we're both pretty frugal, so we always compromise by volunteering to pay for stuff. He pays for main entrées, for example; I pay for dessert. I feel guilty when he pays for me, so if it's something that I can help with, I always ask "Do you mind it if I pay for (or if I help you pay for) ____? I know you want it to be a treat for me, but I just feel bad." If he says he's got it, I let it go. He wouldn't mind bankrolling the dates, but times are tough and things are expensive. I really do feel guilty when he pays for stuff, doesn't matter what they are or how much they $$$. What a nice present from your dearest one, though! I wouldn't be averse to a paid-for plane ticket to see my Snuggie. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) I think this is a matter of what you want. if it makes you hot to be treated to a trip to SF by your bf, all expenses paid and no questions asked, then, by all means, go on the trip and enjoy yourself and the fact that this guy you're dating is treating you the way you love to be treated. Said another way: if the thought of even asking him if he wants you to chip him makes you feel like it will sully your impression of him as a chivalrous man, don't ask him. Go on the trip and enjoy yourself. The bottom line is, you want to be with someone who enjoys treating you the way you want to be treated - and vice versa. Your date is looking for someone who will treat him the way he wants to be treated. My impression is that you want a man who digs taking you out with expensive trips and careful planning. There are man out there who also love treating their girlfriend to lovely trips. This guy sounds like one of them. So, go on the trip and enjoy yourself. Did I mention: Enjoy yourself! It sounds like he has an amazing trip planned for you. Edited July 31, 2010 by Kamille Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 Thanks, Kamille. I don't necessarily expect the lifestyle, I just happened to meet and start seeing a guy who is a marketing exec who does very well. If he took me to Crater Lake for a day I would be happy, also. Since he travels on business a lot, I only see him about once every three weeks. I think I will offer to pay for one dinner. Link to post Share on other sites
alexlakeman Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Sounds like he invited you all paid...but I would offer to pay.. "you are in a relationship", right?? In my case, when I invite someone to travel, I make it clear that I'll take care of everything at the destination and they just have to pay the airfare.. I can't afford to pay so many airfares, lol.. (I travel frequently on business, so get to go to some nice places and hotesl). It's always worked fine, my former g/f's have managed to pay for their air fare... Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I think it comes down to your finances. Normally a guy who offers generally pays for it all, since I never offered or proffered anything like a trip. If your wallet allows, and you feel that you should do it, then you can offer to pay for half. Although, if costs exceeds expectation repay him generously in other areas. Link to post Share on other sites
jamesum Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 (edited) LOL, this is so wrong. I can't believe everyone is telling you not to offer to pay for your share of the plane fair. Yes, I know you didn't plan it. So then don't go, if you don't want to? Look if it's meant as his gift to you, he will just say "No I wouldn't hear of it, my treat." If it was really clearly offered as a "gift" why would you even be asking this question? In any case, it's still better to offer to pay half, and then let him insist on making a gift of it--if that's what he wants to do. Offering to pay at the very least enhances communication between the two of you. If you're in a serious relationship with someone (and I hope you are if you're going on three day trips with them), is it a relationship of equality, or are you a woman who is willing to be used and "paid for"? Offering to pay also sends the message, loud and clear, that you are no gold digger. There is a big difference between being for equality and being stupid. This guy sounds like the type who likes to throw money at his woman. Offering to share the financial burden will hurt his ego. Not a good idea. The ambiguity arises from the fact that they haven't been dating all that long AND because when people go on trips together and one makes the arrangements for both, the arranger is generally going to "book" i.e. reserve and perhaps pay for both plane tickets all at once on their credit card. That doesn't NECESSARILY mean the arranger has no expectation of ultimately being reimbursed. Come on dude, the guy is trying to impress his new catch. You sound like you never had a girlfriend before. Edited August 1, 2010 by jamesum Link to post Share on other sites
Satisfaction Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 Lol, I certianly wouldnt offer to pay for a trip I never planned on... This inst like offering to pay for a Coke! He offered to pay.You probably can't match him on that but remember he is doing something nice for you so you should try and do the same. Maybe there is a shirt he had his eye on, or some new shoes? Or his favourite meal? Something that he has been meaning to do for myself but hasn't cos its too much hassle? you can buy him dinner when you are out there? Link to post Share on other sites
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