piscesmommy25 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Hello... On my first post I asked advice on how to not avoid separtation with my husband. When I explained the situation, almost every reply was that he was having an affair. I checked into it, and discovered that he was infact cheating on me. The night he came clean and told me about it, (after I brought up my evidence) he basically told me he was done with our marriage. He said he ended things with HER and he just felt like working on our marriage would be wrong, since he's always felt like men who cheated should just leave. He's a VERY stubborn man, and once he makes up his mind about something, that's it. Now mind you, we have a two year old son and I'm due in September with another son. I told him over and over that I wanted to work us out. We've been together since the day we graduated high school, and we got married right before we turned 22. I honestly think he's my soulmate and I don't want to be with anyone else.... The night he confessed about the affair, I asked him was he completely done with us. He said yes, so I packed my bags and our son and moved back in with my parents. Everyone told me I shouldn't have left, if he wanted to leave the marriage, I should stay in the house. And now I realize everyone was right! I'm telling him this weekend I'm moving back in, and it's up to him to move back with his parents or find a place.... We will see how that goes. But my question today is.... I thought going through this separation and having LC with him (actually NC all this week) would make me think worse about him and start my moving on process. But it's been the exact opposite.... I'm realizing I want him back and I want our family to get back together, so we can go back to being happy. But I'm starting to worry, what if the absence has made my heart grow fonder, but in his case not so much?? And is there any hope that he will wake up and come back to his family? Could he just be scared of becoming a father of two at 25? Any advice would be appreciated.
2sure Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Absence IS making your heart grow fonder...and not his because he is still in your home, he is in his comfortable place enjoying being alone and single. You go home with your child. He leaves. He mans up. He deals with the consequences of his actions . Look up "180" and thats what you do. If you do want your marruage to recover...the last thing you do is walk away FOR him. Dont act like you are willing to forgive him until he tells you he wants you to.
lupa Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I'll tell you what I read in your post: "I am looking for someone to tell me it will all work out." Baby, let me be the first to say to you that while I'm sorry for your plight, this man is not your soul mate. Your soul mate would not do this to you and your family, so drop that line of hope right there. You are about to embark on a long, terrible, crushing journey, but now you only have to worry about three people -- you, your kid, and your kid-to-be. That jackass is out of the picture. Be nice, be courteous, allow him to be part of your childrens' lives, but, for the love of god, don't rationalize his selfish behavior, and certainly don't hold out hope that a cheater will eventually care for you again. He broke the trust, time for you to look out for number one -- you. In looking out for you, and taking care of you, and growing and becoming better through all this, you will also be a better person for your children. Again, I'm sorry to hear it, but don't for a second consider taking him back.
hopesndreams Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Absence IS making your heart grow fonder...and not his because he is still in your home, he is in his comfortable place enjoying being alone and single. You go home with your child. He leaves. He mans up. He deals with the consequences of his actions . Look up "180" and thats what you do. If you do want your marruage to recover...the last thing you do is walk away FOR him. Dont act like you are willing to forgive him until he tells you he wants you to. Do this, especially what is bolded, as though your life depended on it! If you don't follow this and he does want to make the M work? Consider yourself OWNED. Show him what a tough, strong, capable woman you are. Move back into your home, do the 180, put yourself and your children first. He needs to see the error of his ways. If he doesn't see it, you will be better off without him.
Recommended Posts