BeagleGal Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 (edited) Hi all just as the title says, my ex gets married tomorrow. I dont post a lot on here but my story is on the "Other Woman/Man" forum. This is the ex who broke up with me about 4 months ago. We lived together for just over a year, together for 2 years. It was through coworkers (he and I work for same company) that I found out he had been cheating on me, got the girl pregnant while with me and that they were getting married. Well, wedding day is tomorrow. I've been dreading this day since I was first told about it. Even after I confronted him when I heard the news of all the sh*t he's done, he still didn't admit to anything, telling me that all I was hearing was "bull****", that nothing happened while with me (but the girl is like close to 7 months pregnant) and has texted me here and there, called me a couple of times late at night (like at 2am, 4am) and asking me out for drinks (which i've said NO to). I've been in therapy for 3 months now since I found out the news to cope with my shattered self confidence and the rejection I feel. This is a man who I think faked a future with me and told me what I wanted to hear and made me believe he felt the same way as I did about him. I'm in my 30s (so is he) have a few serious relationships under my belt and I honestly believed he was the one. Instead, he dumped me, kicked me out of the house even though I had no place to go (I had to stay with my boss and his fiancee for a bit cuz I had no apt), discarded me like trash, and carried on as if nothing happened. A friend of ours (he and my ex are no longer close) texted me last week and told me that the new girl "is just a wallet for him", and he started distancing himself from my ex b/c of how my ex uses people to elevate himself financially. I have no money and I'm not coming into money anytime soon so I guess when my ex realized that, he found someone else who does. I, along with other people who know about this situation, had a suspicion that my ex is with the girl b/c she has money (she's a jr. lawyer) and also b/c of the pregnancy (she got pregnant almost immediately after they started fu*king around - she knew he was cheating on me). Despite all the **** my ex has done... the feeling of dread, hurt, pain and heartache regarding this wedding and just the whole breakup in general has been overwhelming. I've decided to get out of town for it and am going on vacation with a girlfriend of mine. My worry is when I come back to work and have ppl talking about the wedding details. Sh*t I dont need to hear. I know I'm better off, I know I dont need a lying, cheating, narcissistic user in my life. But the damage he's done to me for his own selfish purposes has been quite the load to bear. I just need to hear words of encouragement that I'll be okay... Thanks Edited July 30, 2010 by BeagleGal
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I know I'm better off, I know I dont need a lying, cheating, narcissistic user in my life. But the damage he's done to me for his own selfish purposes has been quite the load to bear. I just need to hear words of encouragement that I'll be okay... Thanks This is a rough milestone you have to get through. He was absolutely terrible to you and left you a shell of the person you once were. Just feel the pain, feel how much it hurts, and then release it. Know that once this day is over you can stop thinking about it and what is next for them. Don't poke around to friends to get details about the baby, etc. It is not your business anymore and this information will only hurt you. Move on, make your own memories, make yourself a better person. This is about you, not them and their situation.... {{{ big hug }}} and best wishes, you can do this
scatterd Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I am sorry for your pain but you are really the lucky one he does not sound like a prize.He most likely will have problems after he marries because he has not taken care of of what makes him cheat.I know it hurts but their is nothing wrong with you remember hes the one with something wrong.You need to take care of yourself and know you are better then that.Move on and find a man that will love you fully and let her deal with him.She is going to have a hard time trusting him but you don't need to talk to her or him and get caught up in their problems.Someday you will look back and be thankful you are not with him Just think how it would be with him and have this happen later.This is a blessing in disguise you will heal and find the person you are suppose to be with.Stay busy and do not have contact with them talking and staying in touch will cause more pain.Good luck and Big Hugs
Author BeagleGal Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 No, I dont poke around. People at work have come to me to say "oh guess what I heard...." and then the wound opens up further. I've talked to several people at the office to NOT TELL ME ANYMORE ABOUT HIM. I already know what I need to know and that's it. I dont want to know about his wedding, his honeymoon, his baby - nothing. I also told my friends the same thing as they like checking out new girl's FB profile and I've told them as well - dont tell me anything you see on her profile, dont want to know anything at all. SO I've had told people to back off with information but I think people want to get a reaction from me. So far, I've given nothing. I dont want anyone going back to him telling my ex that I was upset, angry and gone crazy. Thanks, Bonpaw.... its tough but with time I'm sure I will feel better. This is a rough milestone you have to get through. He was absolutely terrible to you and left you a shell of the person you once were. Just feel the pain, feel how much it hurts, and then release it. Know that once this day is over you can stop thinking about it and what is next for them. Don't poke around to friends to get details about the baby, etc. It is not your business anymore and this information will only hurt you. Move on, make your own memories, make yourself a better person. This is about you, not them and their situation.... {{{ big hug }}} and best wishes, you can do this
Author BeagleGal Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 Thank you, scatterd. You gave me good advise in my original post and I reread that post from time to time to remind myself that there is a reason why this has all happened despite how hurt I feel. I've never had contact with her although I've been tempted to blow him out of the water. Then I thought if I do, she'll just label me as the jealous ex trying to ruin their relationship. Him - I've been guilty of replying to his texts and answering one of his calls. He's been the one initiating contact with me so far but now its been almost a month of NC which is probably the longest I've gone since our split. I'm doing the best I can in trying to stay busy, learning to focus on myself, and just trying to move on. Its hard though when at work, you have people talking about your business. I'm now looking for work elsewhere as I think its best I go instead of staying here where gossip will be nonstop. Thanks, scatterd... I am sorry for your pain but you are really the lucky one he does not sound like a prize.He most likely will have problems after he marries because he has not taken care of of what makes him cheat.I know it hurts but their is nothing wrong with you remember hes the one with something wrong.You need to take care of yourself and know you are better then that.Move on and find a man that will love you fully and let her deal with him.She is going to have a hard time trusting him but you don't need to talk to her or him and get caught up in their problems.Someday you will look back and be thankful you are not with him Just think how it would be with him and have this happen later.This is a blessing in disguise you will heal and find the person you are suppose to be with.Stay busy and do not have contact with them talking and staying in touch will cause more pain.Good luck and Big Hugs
Treasa Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Wow, did YOU luck out! So yeah, this girl is pregnant and has money now, but does he realize how much a baby changes your life? While babies are wonderful, blah blah blah, more of the OW's attention is going to be on the baby and not on him for quite a while. His sleep will diminish greatly. The money he thinks he's coming into by being with her will likely go toward the baby. Having kids isn't cheap. I don't think this is going to be the bed of roses for him that he thinks it is, or that you fear. And crap, if they divorce, he'll probably have to pay child support on top of everything else. What a dumbass. Don't worry. Real life will smack him in the face hard enough.
Treasa Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Oh, and if people are telling you things to get a reaction out of you, walk away and immediately remove them, mentally, from your "friends" list. You don't have to associate with jerks like that who can't respect your wishes.
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Oh, and if people are telling you things to get a reaction out of you, walk away and immediately remove them, mentally, from your "friends" list. You don't have to associate with jerks like that who can't respect your wishes. Exactly! If people can't respect your wishes they don't deserve your friendship.
Author BeagleGal Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 Oh he does realize how much kids cost because he already has a 10 year old son with someone else! When he was about 21, his girlfriend then got pregnant, they married (he didn't tell me they did, I found out on my own while cleaning his son's room and found an album) and from what his friend told me (the one who told me he's with OW for her $$) he left that girl dry with the baby and took off. So he knows parenting isn't easy, knows babies/kids aren't cheap. I don't think so either. Again, he's about status/image/money and he wants someone who can provide that for him. Instead of creating his own success, he's gotta be an a**hole and use someone else for their success. Pathetic. When I asked the last time for the truth a couple of months back, all he said to me was "Truth is life was much less complicated b4" So yeah, he is a dumbass. I hope for baby's sake and even her own, OW has signed a prenup. And yeah, if they divorce, he will most certainly have to pay child support. He better not forget he's marrying a lawyer so she can screw him over big time if he tries to weasel out... Treasa, like I've said to others before, its the way he went about leaving me, lying, manipulating and deceiving me with no sympathy, empathy or any consideration whatsoever to me. Like I was a bag of trash he found on the side and decided to get rid of. I never would have thought I would be in the position I was and am with someone hurting me that bad. Augh. But thanks for your encouraging words, it means a lot! Wow, did YOU luck out! So yeah, this girl is pregnant and has money now, but does he realize how much a baby changes your life? While babies are wonderful, blah blah blah, more of the OW's attention is going to be on the baby and not on him for quite a while. His sleep will diminish greatly. The money he thinks he's coming into by being with her will likely go toward the baby. Having kids isn't cheap. I don't think this is going to be the bed of roses for him that he thinks it is, or that you fear. And crap, if they divorce, he'll probably have to pay child support on top of everything else. What a dumbass. Don't worry. Real life will smack him in the face hard enough.
Author BeagleGal Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 1000% agree. I stopped a couple of months back confiding to certain people at work about the situation as I think they thought that it was okay to give me updates on my ex. I appreciate them for telling me what was really going on as if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have known as soon as I did. My ex had no intention of ever coming clean to me about anything he did. But now that I know, that's it, I don't need to know anymore. And that's what I've told them. I know its juicy office gossip for them, but to me this is my life, my heart - its something sensitive to me that I don't think should be taken lightly. Exactly! If people can't respect your wishes they don't deserve your friendship.
Treasa Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Treasa, like I've said to others before, its the way he went about leaving me, lying, manipulating and deceiving me with no sympathy, empathy or any consideration whatsoever to me. Like I was a bag of trash he found on the side and decided to get rid of. I never would have thought I would be in the position I was and am with someone hurting me that bad. You hear about morons selling priceless works of art at rummage sales for mere dollars. This guy is no different. You aren't a bag of trash. God just saw what a complete and utter moron he was and decided you deserved better. I was in the same position when my ex broke up with me. I felt horrible, especially since my ex was no prize. Now I realize that it doesn't matter how he felt about me, because no matter what he did, he couldn't give me my self-esteem and validation. Only I could do that. I had to endure a lot of pain, and I still have days when it can be hard, and it's been less than three months (we were together six years), but I'm proving to myself every day just how incredible I am. You will endure the pain. And you will get stronger. You will realize how lovely and wonderful you are. And hopefully someday soon you'll know that it doesn't matter at all what he thinks, who he's with, or what he's doing.
spriggig Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 ...he didn't tell me they did, I found out on my own while cleaning his son's room and found an album... Ouch! ______________
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