TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Is that the BW's fault? No, it's yours. Go out a get some friends. Have a life. Because the life you are living is no life. Ugh - where in Piscis post did she say it's the BW "fault" that she is single? People are single because they're single. Just because one is "single" doesn't mean they don't have friends or a life!
whichwayisup Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Hi. Ok I just need a little support here. I have my MM's W phone number I know it is not right at all to call. My MM travels a lot. We work toghether. She knows about the A. Everytime he goes on a business trip he calls the office and asks for me (she never says a thing I presume she just wants to know if we are together). We have ID in the office phones thats here I got the number. Her husband and I are still together, so are they. When she discovered the A she called me introduced herself and did not stop telling me about dignity and how she has a lot of it. I have been thinking on texting her (from a line phone that is going to be replaced) something like: your actions are a reflect of your dignity. I know I should not at the end of the day I should not be sleeping with her H at the first place, I just need someone else for let me see it wont solve anything, I am the one who is wrong and I do not have any right to contact her cowardly by a stupid message. Woman up. If you are going to talk to her, TALK TO HER. Don't hide and use a number where she can't reach you afterwards. What's this little game you want to play? Sorry to be harsh, but don't text her. It's pointless. If you don't like being the OW, walk away. She is his wife, and has chosen to stay, for whatever reason(s), rightfully so since she IS obligated to him and probably has kids with him, a life built too. What is keeping you in the picture, keeping this selfish MM to have two women in his life? Aren't you tired of sharing him and being second fiddle?
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Are you kidding? It is the wife's fault he is sticking his dick in someone else? Is she supposed to chain him up at home? She may think they are working on the marriage. Why would she throw away 15 years of marriage for a one night stand (perhaps that is what he told his wife). No - what I said is that the W is a responsible party in the triangle now because she knows. Life is all about choices. The H choose to cheat on his W and is choosing to be with Piscis. The W is choosing to stay even though she knows her H isn't faithful. Piscis is choosing to deal with the situation (for now). If you're choosing to do (fill in the blank) then you are making a CHOICE and thus you need to own it. This includes Piscis AND the W.
bentnotbroken Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 The wife may be? MAY BE? No BNB, she IS responsible for remaining in the triangle. As is the MM and the OW. The W is now a responsible party as well, because she knows. Aren't you the one who insisted "knowledge is power"? I'm not debating whether the H cheated and whether he should take responsibility for it. That's said and done. He did cheat on her and continues to do so. I'm just saying that the W now knows. Thus she is responsible too. We aren't going to see things the same way at any point. So MY view OP, is you don't like the heat...step off. She is in the right to say and do anything she wants concerning HER husband. She is responsible for her actions in remaining and not for you and him doing the horizontal mambo. And TIN I didn't insist anything. Wasn't my thread and I still believe the truth provides all the options for all involved whether they stay or not. Your claim of her being responsible( for what exactly )is null and void where I am concerned, since the OP was talking about something entirely different than the wife's responsibility.
Mimolicious Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) First, I was illustrating that there is a REASON why he (the H) is staying M. Maybe my reasons were completely inaccurate and while I don't know, neither do you. I was trying to show that being M is a convenience on all different levels for the H. Especially because she (the W) allows his adultery. SO WHY WOULDN’T HE STAY? Now to answer your "entitled to confront whoever comes between her intimate relationship": MY POINT was that *if* the wife so comfortable in her status as “the Queen” she would have no need to deal with peons such as the OW. It wouldn't even be a blip on her radar. MY POINT was that the W is obviously NOT “the Queen” due to her actions. She may or may not be living the "Housewives of" lifestyle but MY POINT is that she isn't "The Queen", not in her H's eyes but in her own eyes as well. See what JWI said - That's exactly my point. Actually from what I can read, your original point was this: His W knows about it and she (by staying) is agreeing that it’s okay. Why wouldn’t he stay? By staying he gets a chef, a laundress, a housekeeper and a nanny. And he gets to have whatever he has with Piscis (I don’t know her whole story so I can’t say exactly what it is). You tried to illustrate a scenario that belittles his wife and makes her out to be as the "peon" no? I just painted you a different scenario. Both can be wrong... but the world aint flat You opinions and points are tunnel visioned and one dimensional when it comes to expressing your view of anyone's W. Regardless of the lifestyle and agenda his W may have, unfortunately Piscis settles for the backwash. If she doesn't like the situation she is in and wants anything to change. She can start by looking at the person in the mirror. Don't demand what you lack. What do they call this around here??? "Pushing your own agenda"? Edited July 31, 2010 by Mimolicious
whichwayisup Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 If she continues to be part of the triangle, the BS is just as responsible, because now she is CHOOSING to be there. Just like the OW, who chooses to remain in the A. What, do you expect her to just handover her husband to the OW? This is HER husband of 15 years. Has it occured to you that HE is lying to his wife? Telling her the A is over, and made it seem like it was all the OW? MANY MM throw their OW's under the bus, and MANY MW's throw their OM under the bus to protect themselves. Anyway, his wife has every right to want to stay and try to save her marriage. If the OW chooses to stay, she's going to continue to be second fiddle.
Stung Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Ok so for whatever reason vows, children, her being affraid of being alone, she wanting to show socialy she is in a perfect marriage or wahtever if you have dignity you do not call hear my voice and hang. What dignity is in that??? She is showing the dignity of having tremendous restraint. Clearly she is in pain, or she would not be trying to find out whether you are along on her husband's trips or not. Rather than smearing her for being a human being and exhibiting some degree of emotion in the face of her husband's ongoing betrayal, and fantasizing about taking some petty 'revenge' in chastising her behavior anonymously, you should be grateful to her for not exposing your affair to the office, causing a huge scene in your workplace and getting you fired--or at least tarnishing your professional reputation. Hell, when emotions are running high some people go nuts and get violent, and you are sleeping with her husband, something that's certainly been known to cause people to snap. She's got a lot more restraint and dignity than I would have, I think. And certainly FAR more dignity than you would show if you started sending her rude and cowardly text messages.
alexandria35 Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 TOWinNYC you keep insisting that the wife is as responsible for the affair as the MM and OW because she knows. But the truth is that you have no idea what she knows and neither does the OP. For all you know the wife never knew for sure or maybe she did know but the husband has since convinced her that it is over and he only wants her. Maybe he throws OW under the bus every chance he gets. You don't know anything about this wifes marriage and neither does the OP. I used to say that I would never stay with a cheater no matter what. I still don't think I would but I can understand why some people do and there is nothing undignified about it. What OW/OM never seem to understand is that the marriage didn't begin and end with the affair. Some marriages have years of history before the affair happens and then are able to go on for years after an affair. The affair isn't the be all and end all of everything. Affair partners always want to belive that the marriage sucked since the begining and then will suck forever simply because there was an affair at some point. Like neither the cheater or the bs will ever be able to get over your very existance. Haha...I can assure you that this is not the case. I have seen relatives and friends go on to recover their marriages quite nicely after infidelity and although they recall the infidelity as a dark time in their marriage, it is easily overshadowed by all of the other rich and rewarding times they have had. I'm not generalizing, I know that some marriages can't recover and they aren't worth saving, but how can you blame a bw who doesn't know better. By the sounds of this thread it seems that the MM has always been a cheater and bw probably would be better off losing his sorry ass but since neither the OW or the MM have the dignity to be truthful to her, she is doing the best she can with the knowledge she has.
D-Lish Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 . Her husband and I are still together, so are they. When she discovered the A she called me introduced herself and did not stop telling me about dignity and how she has a lot of it. I have been thinking on texting her (from a line phone that is going to be replaced) something like: your actions are a reflect of your dignity. I know I should not at the end of the day I should not be sleeping with her H at the first place, I just need someone else for let me see it wont solve anything, I am the one who is wrong and I do not have any right to contact her cowardly by a stupid message. I don't think you should even consider sending her a message. How can you jusify having dignity in this situation? If anything, you should both come to the conclusion that you both suck at choosing a partner.
TOWinNYC Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 TOWinNYC you keep insisting that the wife is as responsible for the affair as the MM and OW because she knows. But the truth is that you have no idea what she knows and neither does the OP. For all you know the wife never knew for sure or maybe she did know but the husband has since convinced her that it is over and he only wants her. Maybe he throws OW under the bus every chance he gets. You don't know anything about this wifes marriage and neither does the OP. According to the original post, the W does know. And I didn't say the W is "responsible for the affair" (that would be an entirely different post that I would be willing to start but won't ). What I said was after the W finds out and continues to stay with the H while knowing that he is still carrying on the A, THAT is when she is equally responsible for being part of the triangle. I used to say that I would never stay with a cheater no matter what. I still don't think I would but I can understand why some people do and there is nothing undignified about it. I agree. There isn't anything undignified about working on a M after DDay. There is incredible beauty in trying to keep a M together but only if the WS is bending over backwards to make things right, the couple should go to MC and have a goal in reconnecting with each other and getting the M back on track. In this particular thread, that's not what's happening. What OW/OM never seem to understand is that the marriage didn't begin and end with the affair. Some marriages have years of history before the affair happens and then are able to go on for years after an affair. Yes, what you say is true. But (while this situation may be rare) what some people don't seem to understand is: there are affairs that have a history long before the M even existed. Some couples in an A have years of history before the M happened and thus are able to pick the R back up, except unfortunately one or the other is M. Hence it becomes an A.... Of course, this is OT because that's not the case of Piscis..... The affair isn't the be all and end all of everything. Affair partners always want to belive that the marriage sucked since the begining and then will suck forever simply because there was an affair at some point. Like neither the cheater or the bs will ever be able to get over your very existance. Haha...I can assure you that this is not the case. I have seen relatives and friends go on to recover their marriages quite nicely after infidelity and although they recall the infidelity as a dark time in their marriage, it is easily overshadowed by all of the other rich and rewarding times they have had. No, not true. Not all APs think that the M "sucked" but you gotta admit, something isn't right in the M if an A happened. But I have no doubt that there are couples who emerge from the A stronger than before. I'm not generalizing, I know that some marriages can't recover and they aren't worth saving, but how can you blame a bw who doesn't know better. By the sounds of this thread it seems that the MM has always been a cheater and bw probably would be better off losing his sorry ass but since neither the OW or the MM have the dignity to be truthful to her, she is doing the best she can with the knowledge she has. Can't argue with you here Alex (the bolded part). But I will add this: according to Piscis, the W does know.
pureinheart Posted August 1, 2010 Posted August 1, 2010 Hi. Ok I just need a little support here. I have my MM's W phone number I know it is not right at all to call. My MM travels a lot. We work toghether. She knows about the A. Everytime he goes on a business trip he calls the office and asks for me (she never says a thing I presume she just wants to know if we are together). We have ID in the office phones thats here I got the number. Her husband and I are still together, so are they. When she discovered the A she called me introduced herself and did not stop telling me about dignity and how she has a lot of it. I have been thinking on texting her (from a line phone that is going to be replaced) something like: your actions are a reflect of your dignity. I know I should not at the end of the day I should not be sleeping with her H at the first place, I just need someone else for let me see it wont solve anything, I am the one who is wrong and I do not have any right to contact her cowardly by a stupid message. Hi Piscis, You carry yourself very well and are doing well with English being your second language...it is my first and you do much better than I:). Try not to let what she said about dignity bother you, her pride is hurt...I wouldn't contact her...just get back on your feet and do what you know to be right:)
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