Mimolicious Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Sure - but we're not talking about an OW (right now, in this thread at least) who's being hypocritical saying "I'm so dignified" and not acting it, are we? Unless you are Piscis and now more than us... She is trying to resend to sender the whole "Where is your dignity" crap that originally the W had called her about, no? So somewhere in this world of unicorn and rainbows, when one is being reprimanded for something and they feel like giving it back to its originator in the form that Piscis is trying to, does come across as VERY hypocritical.
jwi71 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Piscis...........she is his wife, she can do and did do what ever she damn well pleases. She has that right. Now.....stop blaming this mess on her, take serious stock of your own part in this, what she does is not your concern. What you do.......IS. Her dignity or lack thereof, is NOT your concern. Find your dignity and you will be fine. Hugs...... I'd second this. How is the W being pathetic? Because she made a hurt, angry, hate filled rant to you? Well, pardon me, but isn't that exactly what you are doing...calling her pathetic? How are YOUR ACTIONS any different from hers? My question is...why hasn't HE left? I mean, the W knows...AND HE STILL REMAINS MARRIED. Still HIDES you...still SNEAKS around. What do those ACTIONS say? Sorry...but if the W knows and HE HASN'T LEFT...you are the dirty-not-so-secret piece on the side. His ACTIONS say so. Want to blame someone - start with the reflection in the mirror for staying. Hate to be harsh, but I DO remember you. And NOTHING has changed. Calling his W won't change anything. Well, maybe that call will prompt HER to file for D. This is called winning him by default - not because he CHOOSES you. Big difference. I'd walk. His ACTIONS clearly state he WANTS to stay married. So either get over the W and accept being the OW...or leave. Choose.
Mimolicious Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Thanks BB07 You are right. The thing here (which was lost) was for me to avoid doing a stup thing as contacting her. She has the right to do everything she wants to do because she is a W I really doubt that but I do not have to contact her either. What for? Unfortunately, yes she does. She didn't deliberately invited you into her life. But if this is the way you think, that she does not have any right to do whatever she wants in regards to her M- flip the script- you also don't have the right to do whatever you want in your A with her H. Fair? Why don't you ask your MM if it is ok to text his W and tell her to get a little bit of that dignity that she talks so much about? Let us know what he says. You listen to their conversations on the phone? Classic! Poor guy... Aint this the story since the beginning of times, gets fricking old... 2 people get married, one starts an A, then the AP wants to come in the picture claiming position, status, rights, blah blah blah... That same status, rights and position that they condemn the BS for rightfully claiming. It'll never end. 1
Author piscis Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 (edited) Ok JWI17 I NEVER said she was pathetic, I NEVER blame anything of this situation on her those were comments from other people. As a matter of fact if you are so kind to read my post I started this discussion asking for someone to be so kind to open my eyes for me not to contact her because I wanted to but I knew it was pointless. I am so glad you remembered me thats why I would think you could be a little more sympathetic, I do not want you to encourage me or to agree with me I do not post here for that. I post to be in a safe place where I can share what I have in mind or in my heart. So as you remember or you can double read I am very confused and not having such a good time (which is my fault if you want to see it like that) so I consider it is better to post here and read all of your comments which I thank for than doing silly things. I started this thread asking for helping me see more than I obviusly can because I am in the middle of it. I would NEVER blame the begining of the A on her BUT after she discovered the W, the MM and the OW (me) we are completly co-responsable. If she stays in a marriage with a cheater and she knows and he cheates she knew and she is co-responsable for letting him cheat on her. If I stay with a MM I am co-responsable for the feelings I am having. Edited July 30, 2010 by piscis
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I'd second this. How is the W being pathetic? Because she made a hurt, angry, hate filled rant to you? Well, pardon me, but isn't that exactly what you are doing...calling her pathetic? How are YOUR ACTIONS any different from hers? JWI – no it wasn’t Piscis, I was the one who called her (the W) pathetic for staying in a M while knowing her H is still cheating on her. My question is...why hasn't HE left? I mean, the W knows...AND HE STILL REMAINS MARRIED. Still HIDES you...still SNEAKS around. What do those ACTIONS say? Sorry...but if the W knows and HE HASN'T LEFT...you are the dirty-not-so-secret piece on the side. His ACTIONS say so. Why does he have to leave? Why WOULD he leave? His W knows about it and she (by staying) is agreeing that it’s okay. Why wouldn’t he stay? By staying he gets a chef, a laundress, a housekeeper and a nanny. And he gets to have whatever he has with Piscis (I don’t know her whole story so I can’t say exactly what it is). And how is he “hiding” her and “sneaking” her around – when the W knows?! Want to blame someone - start with the reflection in the mirror for staying. Hate to be harsh, but I DO remember you. And NOTHING has changed. Calling his W won't change anything. Well, maybe that call will prompt HER to file for D. This is called winning him by default - not because he CHOOSES you. Big difference. I'd walk. His ACTIONS clearly state he WANTS to stay married. So either get over the W and accept being the OW...or leave. Choose. His ACTIONS state not that he "wants to stay married" but that he’s "getting what he wants". To be married to a W who accepts his adultery and to have an OW at the same time. Whether Piscis is okay with this arrangement is a different story…..
Mimolicious Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 And please, continue to post here rather than doing the silly things that you were thinking of doing (in your own words). Piscis, if you are willing to be the third leg in this M, by all means have a ball but don't think that it makes you look more like a victim by reaching out and making a fool out of yourself to his W. However she acts it is not your business. Worry about yourself and think about where this R is really taking you.
fooled once Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Is it admirable that she's "honoring her vows"? Yes. But what about dignity of SELF? It's one thing to stay in a marriage because you find out about the A, your H is bending over backwards to "fix" the M, the two of your are in MC and have made it a mutual goal to get the M back on track. It's completely different when you stay in the M with the FULL KNOWLEDGE that your H is continuing to cheat on you!!! That's not dignity, that's pathetic. oh please..... Pathetic is an OW who has no self respect to continue in an A knowing full well the MM is not leaving for her especially when she sits at home day dreaming of their life together. Thank you all for your comments. I will try to be clear. Sometimes I know I am not that clear and I apologize (language issue). IMPO If she had so much dignity she wouldn't have called me and insulted me when she find out about the A someone with dignity speaks or shouts at her husband and does not contact the OW because the OW is no one she is the W and she is number one and she does not need to call the OW. She has told him by phone ( I have heard) she does not want anything with him she just HAS to stay because they have a 7 yera old girl. some one with dignity leaves or make him leave in order to show her daughter the place her mummy has and that if his father was not able to honour her or their life he cant be with them. Ok so for whatever reason vows, children, her being affraid of being alone, she wanting to show socialy she is in a perfect marriage or wahtever if you have dignity you do not call hear my voice and hang. What dignity is in that??? Where is your dignity? You say she called you - or did she call the OFFICE? When was this? Recently? If so, how do you not know he didn't tell his wife it was just a fling, a one night stand, that you were throwing yourself at him and him, being of so limited character, just couldn't resist you? How do you not know that he isn't down on his knees at home, begging her to forgive him for his affair with you? How do you know what goes on in their home, when they eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed together? You don't know - you only know the lies you are told. If you are so ready to tell her - then woman up and tell her. But as a MW cheating on her husband, be ready for the backlash when she tells your spouse what you are doing Why don't you leave your M? Where is your dignity in that? Where is your respect for your spouse?
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I would NEVER blame the begining of the A on her BUT after she discovered the W, the MM and the OW (me) we are completly co-responsable. If she stays in a marriage with a cheater and she knows and he cheates she knew and she is co-responsable for letting him cheat on her. If I stay with a MM I am co-responsable for the feelings I am having. Exactly – which is what I said earlier. The BW knows her H is cheating on her and chooses to stay despite her professed "dignity". The OW knows her MM is married but chooses to be with her, despite being M. The MM gets a complacent W and an OW who is (at the moment) willing to deal with the situation. Isn't this what LSs say should happen? That everyone should KNOW THE TRUTH? It is what it is, until one person or another decides they've had enough of it - whether it's the BW, OW or MM. So what next LSers? Here is a situation that a lot of people advocate. EVERYBODY KNOWS THE TRUTH. Do you think anybody is being set free here? I don’t, unless someone makes a move to change the dynamic.
Mimolicious Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 His W knows about it and she (by staying) is agreeing that it’s okay. Why wouldn’t he stay? By staying he gets a chef, a laundress, a housekeeper and a nanny. And he gets to have whatever he has with Piscis (I don’t know her whole story so I can’t say exactly what it is). :lmao::lmao: By far, this must be the most biased statement I have ever read on LS. So ignorant... TNYC, how do you know this? For all you know his W is the "Queen" of her throne, does nothing but brunches with other Housewives, lipo, manis/pedis and has her personal chef prepare 5 course meals for when she gets home from the spa. You swear that a BS is a mere servant and slave with no dignity and a pathetic soul. Get out more often or tune into TMZ and watch what happened to Sandra Bullock. LOL!
Mimolicious Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 oh please..... Pathetic is an OW who has no self respect to continue in an A knowing full well the MM is not leaving for her especially when she sits at home day dreaming of their life together. Where is your dignity? You say she called you - or did she call the OFFICE? When was this? Recently? If so, how do you not know he didn't tell his wife it was just a fling, a one night stand, that you were throwing yourself at him and him, being of so limited character, just couldn't resist you? How do you not know that he isn't down on his knees at home, begging her to forgive him for his affair with you? How do you know what goes on in their home, when they eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed together? You don't know - you only know the lies you are told. If you are so ready to tell her - then woman up and tell her. But as a MW cheating on her husband, be ready for the backlash when she tells your spouse what you are doing Why don't you leave your M? Where is your dignity in that? Where is your respect for your spouse? :eek::eek::eek::eek: BODIED! Piscis- you have a H????????????????????????? Hey F it! Yeah let's do what TNYC promotes: So what next LSers? Here is a situation that a lot of people advocate. EVERYBODY KNOWS THE TRUTH
Owl Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Do you think anybody is being set free here? I don’t, unless someone makes a move to change the dynamic. On this, you're totally right. The good thing here is this...everyone now has the POTENTIAL to change the dynamic. MM, BW, OW...all three now have equal footing based on common knowledge of the affair to be able to change the dynamic. I'd agree...no one has...yet. The only person we can advise is the one who posts here. So my advice would be to have HER change that dynamic. If BW or MM were to post here...they'd get the same kind of advice. Since they're not...I'd heartily suggest to Piscis that she put an end to the situation. She has the same power as anyone else in this triangle to push to change the situation...and she's the only one available for me to advise to do so at this point.
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 TNYC, how do you know this? For all you know his W is the "Queen" of her throne, does nothing but brunches with other Housewives, lipo, manis/pedis and has her personal chef prepare 5 course meals for when she gets home from the spa. Ah yes, I forgot the flipside. But then again, you don't know this is what the situation is either. Neither of us know. But, IMO, if this "Queen" was so comfortable and luxuriating in her "position" - so absolutely sure of where she stands in her H's life, there would be no need to call the OW and freak on her.
jwi71 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Ok JWI17 I NEVER said she was pathetic, I NEVER blame anything of this situation on her those were comments from other people. Oops. You're right. Sorry about that. As a matter of fact if you are so kind to read my post I started this discussion asking for someone to be so kind to open my eyes for me not to contact her because I wanted to but I knew it was pointless.Why is contacting her pointless? That mindset alone, that there is futility here, should tell you all you need to know. I am so glad you remembered me thats why I would think you could be a little more sympathetic, I do not want you to encourage me or to agree with me I do not post here for that. I post to be in a safe place where I can share what I have in mind or in my heart.Of course I remember. I remember most. My goal is to help YOU. However, you may NOT like what I have to say. So as you remember or you can double read I am very confused and not having such a good time (which is my fault if you want to see it like that) so I consider it is better to post here and read all of your comments which I thank for than doing silly things.Confused is ok. Seen it before. If its NOT working for you...you have two choices. 1) Develop a coping mechanism (learn to be the OW) 2) Change the situation (I say leave) Can you think of others? I started this thread asking for helping me see more than I obviusly can because I am in the middle of it.Go back an read your own history...what has changed? Answer: nothing. This will persist until you change the situation or "accept it". I would NEVER blame the begining of the A on her BUT after she discovered the W, the MM and the OW (me) we are completly co-responsable. If she stays in a marriage with a cheater and she knows and he cheates she knew and she is co-responsable for letting him cheat on her. If I stay with a MM I am co-responsable for the feelings I am having.Exactly. Own your emotions. His ACTIONS tell you plainly he isn't leaving. So...stay and be the OW or do not. Its your choice. Nothing changes because YOU do nothing to cause change. But you gotta choose. And if you choose OW, stop whining about the W. You know he isn't leaving so develop coping skills. If you leave, the problem solves itself. This limbo you choose to endure is entirely of YOUR creation. Its not the MM, his W knows so he HAS NO REASON TO LEAVE. He's got at least two women just fawning over him. Its hard for me to be sympathetic when you are upset about the situation and do nothing to change it. For months. My advice has not changed since your first post...walk. I don;t know what else to say. If you want to contact the W...go for it. At least its an ACTION. Want to tell her she has no dignity for staying? Go ahead. Do you think that will "Drive her off" so he will choose you? He has NEVER chosen you. Please look at his actions.
fooled once Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 ETA!! Sorry, couldn't edit my post. It should say IF you are a MW cheating on her H, be ready for the Wife to call your H. Can't tell if you are married or not.!!!
bentnotbroken Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Ok JWI17 I NEVER said she was pathetic, I NEVER blame anything of this situation on her those were comments from other people. As a matter of fact if you are so kind to read my post I started this discussion asking for someone to be so kind to open my eyes for me not to contact her because I wanted to but I knew it was pointless. I am so glad you remembered me thats why I would think you could be a little more sympathetic, I do not want you to encourage me or to agree with me I do not post here for that. I post to be in a safe place where I can share what I have in mind or in my heart. So as you remember or you can double read I am very confused and not having such a good time (which is my fault if you want to see it like that) so I consider it is better to post here and read all of your comments which I thank for than doing silly things. I started this thread asking for helping me see more than I obviusly can because I am in the middle of it. I would NEVER blame the begining of the A on her BUT after she discovered the W, the MM and the OW (me) we are completly co-responsable. If she stays in a marriage with a cheater and she knows and he cheates she knew and she is co-responsable for letting him cheat on her. If I stay with a MM I am co-responsable for the feelings I am having. No one is responsible for his cheating except him. Letting a grown person do something makes about as much since as a monkey driving a convertible.
jwi71 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 JWI – no it wasn’t Piscis, I was the one who called her (the W) pathetic for staying in a M while knowing her H is still cheating on her. Yeah, my bad. Honest mistake. Why does he have to leave? Why WOULD he leave? That's my point...why would he leave? So, piscis either sucks it up or leaves. Or maybe the W does. Then she gets him by default. His W knows about it and she (by staying) is agreeing that it’s okay. Why wouldn’t he stay? By staying he gets a chef, a laundress, a housekeeper and a nanny. And he gets to have whatever he has with Piscis (I don’t know her whole story so I can’t say exactly what it is). The MM's motives are of little concern since he isnt posting here. Likey because he has at least two women fawning all over him. Hell, I'm getting jealous of the guy. And how is he “hiding” her and “sneaking” her around – when the W knows?! I doubt he says "Hun, I'm going to go out with Piscs, shag a bit, then be home late". Is she free to call the house? Not if HE is hiding the number from her (per the fact pisics only get the number by snooping on his work phone). Yes, Piscis is still hidden. His ACTIONS state not that he "wants to stay married" Not true. If he didn't want to stay M, he would be D. What he did instead, was have a string of A's. but that he’s "getting what he wants". To be married to a W who accepts his adultery and to have an OW at the same time. I agree he gets what he wants but I doubt the W knows the full extent of this. He is likely (yes a guess) lying and gaslighting the W into oblivion. IF he wasn't I would wonder why she would call Piscis - she would be just another fling from the W's perspective and not worthy of a call. Whether Piscis is okay with this arrangement is a different story….. She isn't. She NEEDS to ACT.
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 No one is responsible for his cheating except him. Letting a grown person do something makes about as much since as a monkey driving a convertible. I disagree. The BW is responsible for the situation as well, at least NOW, because she knows about it. She can't hide behind the "I didn't know/I had no idea he was cheating on me" clause. If she continues to be part of the triangle, the BS is just as responsible, because now she is CHOOSING to be there. Just like the OW, who chooses to remain in the A.
Mimolicious Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Ah yes, I forgot the flipside. But then again, you don't know this is what the situation is either. Neither of us know. But, IMO, if this "Queen" was so comfortable and luxuriating in her "position" - so absolutely sure of where she stands in her H's life, there would be no need to call the OW and freak on her. Comfortability/ Luxuriating has no relevance to anyone's emotions. Don't confuse one thing with the other. Oprah is the wealthiest women on the planet can't get more luxurious and comfortable than that, yet she is entitled to confront whoever comes in between her intimate relationship, ins't she? Whether she is sure of standing in the core of it or not. So, your point is?
Author piscis Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 (edited) Everyone I am single. I have never been married neither live with someone in my life. I do not have a husband, companion, friend, boyfriend noone else the MM Edited July 30, 2010 by piscis
Mimolicious Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Everyone I am single. I have never been married neither live with someone in my life. I do not have a husband, companion, friend, boyfriend noone else the MM Sorry Piscis, FO couldn't edit her post in time. She made a mistake typing.
bentnotbroken Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I disagree. The BW is responsible for the situation as well, at least NOW, because she knows about it. She can't hide behind the "I didn't know/I had no idea he was cheating on me" clause. If she continues to be part of the triangle, the BS is just as responsible, because now she is CHOOSING to be there. Just like the OW, who chooses to remain in the A. Of course you would disagree. The wife maybe responsible for remaining in a triangle, but no one took his penis and placed it in another woman's vagina. That is entirely his decision. He is an adult and decides what he will and won't do with someone he isn't married to. Just like he decides he will sleep with the OP.
Author piscis Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 (edited) I read about the mistake typing after I wrote the post. I was nos snooping at anyone's phone she called me at work where I have a phone with ID so there is from where I got the number. I think it was OWL who wrote about changig the dynamic. I have tried and it is so hard. If it is hard for me I bet it is harder for her (dignity or not I am not getting tehre again), she has been married to him for almost 15 years. Yes he has had one other affair (as far as I know) with another co-worker, they were together for 11 years, she was M and she did not leave so he did not either. His W has always suspected of that A. I met him 2 months after the affair ended (she ended it) and we satarted having our A one year later. His W knew about us because he accidentally send her a text that was for me.Never met. By the way when I said I had no companion, boyfrien, husband was to say I am single I am not saying I am all alone in the world which is not the case. Edited July 30, 2010 by piscis
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Comfortability/ Luxuriating has no relevance to anyone's emotions. Don't confuse one thing with the other. Oprah is the wealthiest women on the planet can't get more luxurious and comfortable than that, yet she is entitled to confront whoever comes in between her intimate relationship, ins't she? Whether she is sure of standing in the core of it or not. So, your point is? First, I was illustrating that there is a REASON why he (the H) is staying M. Maybe my reasons were completely inaccurate and while I don't know, neither do you. I was trying to show that being M is a convenience on all different levels for the H. Especially because she (the W) allows his adultery. SO WHY WOULDN’T HE STAY? Now to answer your "entitled to confront whoever comes between her intimate relationship": MY POINT was that *if* the wife so comfortable in her status as “the Queen” she would have no need to deal with peons such as the OW. It wouldn't even be a blip on her radar. MY POINT was that the W is obviously NOT “the Queen” due to her actions. She may or may not be living the "Housewives of" lifestyle but MY POINT is that she isn't "The Queen", not in her H's eyes but in her own eyes as well. See what JWI said - she would be just another fling from the W's perspective and not worthy of a call. That's exactly my point.
fooled once Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I disagree. The BW is responsible for the situation as well, at least NOW, because she knows about it. She can't hide behind the "I didn't know/I had no idea he was cheating on me" clause. If she continues to be part of the triangle, the BS is just as responsible, because now she is CHOOSING to be there. Just like the OW, who chooses to remain in the A. Are you kidding? It is the wife's fault he is sticking his dick in someone else? Is she supposed to chain him up at home? She may think they are working on the marriage. Why would she throw away 15 years of marriage for a one night stand (perhaps that is what he told his wife). I read about the mistake typing after I wrote the post. I was nos snooping at anyone's phone she called me at work where I have a phone with ID so there is from where I got the number. I think it was OWL who wrote about changig the dynamic. I have tried and it is so hard. If it is hard for me I bet it is harder for her (dignity or not I am not getting tehre again), she has been married to him for almost 15 years. Yes he has had one other affair (as far as I know) with another co-worker, they were together for 11 years, she was M and she did not leave so he did not either. His W has always suspected of that A. I met him 2 months after the affair ended (she ended it) and we satarted having our A one year later. His W knew about us because he accidentally send her a text that was for me.Never met. By the way when I said I had no companion, boyfrien, husband was to say I am single I am not saying I am all alone in the world which is not the case. Sorry piscis - still not getting how the wife knows you have had an ongoing affair with HER husband? He could have easily explained the text OR apologized profusely for stepping out on her and she chose to forgive him. As for her calling you at work - again - did she call YOU or did she call her H's number? Do you answer HIS phone? Do you have your own extension? So she asked if you were having an affair with her H? What specifically did she ask? What did you tell her? Did you lie to cover up the affair? If so, why? If you want her to know you are in love with her H and want a true out in the open relationship -TELL HER. Like I said, NONE of us know what happened between the H and W when the text situation happened and NONE OF US know why the wife called. The H could easily have minimized the affair and told the wife that piscis was just infatuated with him and was stalking him. The point is - he goes home to his wife - he sleeps with his wife. He also sleeps with his mistress, but then goes home to his wife. This has been going on for how long now? And he is making NO move to leave his wife. So the OW has 2 choices: end it deal with being the mistress and nothing more
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Of course you would disagree. The wife maybe responsible for remaining in a triangle, but no one took his penis and placed it in another woman's vagina. That is entirely his decision. He is an adult and decides what he will and won't do with someone he isn't married to. Just like he decides he will sleep with the OP. The wife may be? MAY BE? No BNB, she IS responsible for remaining in the triangle. As is the MM and the OW. The W is now a responsible party as well, because she knows. Aren't you the one who insisted "knowledge is power"? I'm not debating whether the H cheated and whether he should take responsibility for it. That's said and done. He did cheat on her and continues to do so. I'm just saying that the W now knows. Thus she is responsible too.
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