piscis Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Hi. Ok I just need a little support here. I have my MM's W phone number I know it is not right at all to call. My MM travels a lot. We work toghether. She knows about the A. Everytime he goes on a business trip he calls the office and asks for me (she never says a thing I presume she just wants to know if we are together). We have ID in the office phones thats here I got the number. Her husband and I are still together, so are they. When she discovered the A she called me introduced herself and did not stop telling me about dignity and how she has a lot of it. I have been thinking on texting her (from a line phone that is going to be replaced) something like: your actions are a reflect of your dignity. I know I should not at the end of the day I should not be sleeping with her H at the first place, I just need someone else for let me see it wont solve anything, I am the one who is wrong and I do not have any right to contact her cowardly by a stupid message.
Owl Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I don't understand your post. What is SHE doing that is "undignified"? What specifically are you going to "call her out on" in your text to her???
Confused4Now Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I don't understand your post. What is SHE doing that is "undignified"? What specifically are you going to "call her out on" in your text to her???MM probably told the OW something that she wanted to hear....probably figured she'd start the divorce. But she didn't...that's my guess.
joey66 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I don't understand your post. What is SHE doing that is "undignified"? What specifically are you going to "call her out on" in your text to her??? MM probably told the OW something that she wanted to hear....probably figured she'd start the divorce. But she didn't...that's my guess. Doesn't matter what she did or didn't do. We all know that contacting the OW/OM is nearly always a bad idea. What good can possibly come from it?
Mimolicious Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Hi. Ok I just need a little support here. I have my MM's W phone number I know it is not right at all to call. My MM travels a lot. We work toghether. She knows about the A. Everytime he goes on a business trip he calls the office and asks for me (she never says a thing I presume she just wants to know if we are together). We have ID in the office phones thats here I got the number. Her husband and I are still together, so are they. When she discovered the A she called me introduced herself and did not stop telling me about dignity and how she has a lot of it. I have been thinking on texting her (from a line phone that is going to be replaced) something like: your actions are a reflect of your dignity. I know I should not at the end of the day I should not be sleeping with her H at the first place, I just need someone else for let me see it wont solve anything, I am the one who is wrong and I do not have any right to contact her cowardly by a stupid message. I remember you, English is your second language and I can see that you are thinking in Spanish when you are writing in English. Very common. I have been thinking on texting her (from a line phone that is going to be replaced) something like: your actions are a reflect of your dignity. You mean a 'Phone Line". If she knows about you and about her H having an A with you, what's with the anonymity? You are tying to say "Your actions dont reflect your dignity", maybe? I get you but what I don't get is why are you indignant of her actions??????? YOU are with HER H... don't forget that! Yet you are telling her that she is not acting with dignity because she is still in a M with him? You are still in an A with him. Ain't that the pot calling the kettle black! Just as you are asking: Yes it is wrong and your message is stupid and it wont solve anything. I am surprised that you MM has not dumped you already. You either leave your MM and get yourself your own man or stay with your MM but use whatever dignity you have left and leave his W out of your mess. 1
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 (edited) Just as you are asking: Yes it is wrong and your message is stupid and it wont solve anything. I am surprised that you MM has not dumped you already. You either leave your MM and get yourself your own man or stay with your MM but use whatever dignity you have left and leave his W out of your mess. I can see where Picis is coming from. For all the BS's big talk about "dignity", what kind of "dignity" does the W really have when she chooses to stay with the full knowledge that her H is cheating on her. And it's certainly not "dignified" when she knows her H is cheating on her, knows who he's cheating on her with, and proceeds to call the AP's office line to "confirm" that the AP and her H are "together", is it? Since she knows, why doesn't she just ask her H or the OW straight out? My two cents Picis, if you're going to ask this, don't text or email. CALL her and SAY IT. Of course, there might be consequences to your actions so think it through..... Edited July 30, 2010 by TOWinNYC
Author piscis Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 I can see where Picis is coming from. For all the BS's big talk about "dignity", what kind of "dignity" does the W really have when she chooses to stay with the full knowledge that her H is cheating on her. And it's certainly not "dignified" when she knows her H is cheating on her, knows who he's cheating on her with, and proceeds to call the AP's office line to "confirm" that the AP and her H are "together", is it? Since she knows, why doesn't she just ask her H or the OW straight out? My two cents Picis, if you're going to ask this, don't text or email. CALL her and SAY IT. Of course, there might be consequences to your actions so think it through..... thankyou TOWinNYC thats exactly my point. I know it is pointless to contact her but I can not take that idea away That is why I wrote here to have some perspective and make me see with thier comments how bad the idea of contacting her is
bentnotbroken Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 thankyou TOWinNYC thats exactly my point. I know it is pointless to contact her but I can not take that idea away That is why I wrote here to have some perspective and make me see with thier comments how bad the idea of contacting her is She is honoring her vows to the person she married. Not everyone bails when they know their spouse is cheating or who they are cheating with. Honoring her vows shows more dignity than someone plotting to mess up others lives. Respect and dignity happen when you do what is right in spite of what you really want to do or what you feel like doing. They are the basis for character...you know who you are when no one is watching.
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 thankyou TOWinNYC thats exactly my point. I know it is pointless to contact her but I can not take that idea away That is why I wrote here to have some perspective and make me see with thier comments how bad the idea of contacting her is I don't think it's a bad idea - it's just that you might not get anything out of it. She's still with him, you're still with him. She knows about you, you know about her. BTW, have you talked to you MM about this? How she calls your office line and it's getting annoying? And how there's a part of you that wants to confront her on the "dignity" issue?
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Both of you just sound like jealous OW being petty because the MM hasn't left. Oh please - this isn't my MM and I have no stake in it. I was just clarifying her post.
CrayonAngel Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I don't think it's a bad idea - it's just that you might not get anything out of it. She's still with him, you're still with him. She knows about you, you know about her. BTW, have you talked to you MM about this? How she calls your office line and it's getting annoying? And how there's a part of you that wants to confront her on the "dignity" issue?[/QUOTE] Really??? Sorry but you have absolutely NO RIGHT to take a Jab at her...she got under your skin by the comment she made. Deal with it like an adult. Do you think that her calling your office/her H's place of work is annoying try dealing with another woman sleeping with your H!!!! You get what you give and if you are trying to rally up a team of LSers that will say "Go for it. Tell her whats on your mind" your not going to get that here. Why don't you try adressing the real issues on your mind. Like, why hasn't he left if she knows?
Mimolicious Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I can see where Picis is coming from. For all the BS's big talk about "dignity", what kind of "dignity" does the W really have when she chooses to stay with the full knowledge that her H is cheating on her. And it's certainly not "dignified" when she knows her H is cheating on her, knows who he's cheating on her with, and proceeds to call the AP's office line to "confirm" that the AP and her H are "together", is it? Since she knows, why doesn't she just ask her H or the OW straight out? My two cents Picis, if you're going to ask this, don't text or email. CALL her and SAY IT. Of course, there might be consequences to your actions so think it through..... TNY- save it. You can reinvent the wheel if you'd like but don't go calling someone else something that primarily you (not directed to just you) showed lack of to begin with. Because it can also read like this: For all the OW's big talk about "dignity", what kind of "dignity" does the OW really have when she chooses to stay with the full knowledge that her MM is M, has a family and a W wich basically also cheats on her with. Don't we all dance to the same tune...
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 She is honoring her vows to the person she married. Is it admirable that she's "honoring her vows"? Yes. But what about dignity of SELF? Not everyone bails when they know their spouse is cheating or who they are cheating with. Honoring her vows shows more dignity than someone plotting to mess up others lives. It's one thing to stay in a marriage because you find out about the A, your H is bending over backwards to "fix" the M, the two of your are in MC and have made it a mutual goal to get the M back on track. It's completely different when you stay in the M with the FULL KNOWLEDGE that your H is continuing to cheat on you!!! That's not dignity, that's pathetic.
bentnotbroken Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 TNY- save it. You can reinvent the wheel if you'd like but don't go calling someone else something that primarily you (not directed to just you) showed lack of to begin with. Because it can also read like this: For all the OW's big talk about "dignity", what kind of "dignity" does the OW really have when she chooses to stay with the full knowledge that her MM is M, has a family and a W wich basically also cheats on her with. Don't we all dance to the same tune... Same dance to the tune "De-nile is more than a river in Egypt.":p
bentnotbroken Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Is it admirable that she's "honoring her vows"? Yes. But what about dignity of SELF? It's one thing to stay in a marriage because you find out about the A, your H is bending over backwards to "fix" the M, the two of your are in MC and have made it a mutual goal to get the M back on track. It's completely different when you stay in the M with the FULL KNOWLEDGE that your H is continuing to cheat on you!!! That's not dignity, that's pathetic. As someone who views marriage as something more than a piece of paper...it's honoring God's word if they choose(which it appears she has chosen) and pathetic for me ....is being an AP....all in the view from the pile of crap. 1
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Really??? Sorry but you have absolutely NO RIGHT to take a Jab at her...she got under your skin by the comment she made. Are we talking about "taking a jab" at the W? Who got under my skin? Deal with it like an adult. Do you think that her calling your office/her H's place of work is annoying try dealing with another woman sleeping with your H!!!! You get what you give and if you are trying to rally up a team of LSers that will say "Go for it. Tell her whats on your mind" your not going to get that here. Whoa - this is a public forum where I (and everybody else) is allowed to express their own OPNIONS. That is what I did. I gave my opinion. I'm not rallying up the troops for anything. Why don't you try adressing the real issues on your mind. Like, why hasn't he left if she knows? There is no "real issue" on MY mind. I think the issue stands as it is. The BW knows her H is cheating on her and chooses to stay despite her professed "dignity". The OW knows her MM is married but chooses to be with her, despite being M. The MM gets a complacent W and an OW who is (at the moment) willing to deal with the situation. Isn't this what LSs say should happen? That everyone should KNOW THE TRUTH? It is what it is, until one person or another decides they've had enough of it - whether it's the BW, OW or MM.
Owl Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Is it admirable that she's "honoring her vows"? Yes. But what about dignity of SELF? It's one thing to stay in a marriage because you find out about the A, your H is bending over backwards to "fix" the M, the two of your are in MC and have made it a mutual goal to get the M back on track. It's completely different when you stay in the M with the FULL KNOWLEDGE that your H is continuing to cheat on you!!! That's not dignity, that's pathetic. No...that's not pathetic. That's not giving up on something that means something to you. Please...don't get me started on pathetic. Let's avoid trying to throw words around like that before this breaks down into an insult-fest which doesn't do anyone any good. His wife hasn't done anything "undignified" by not giving up on her marriage. You feel she does...I feel completely opposite. She's being dignified by fighting to save the marriage. I'm also going to try to avoid comparisons between the OW and the BW....because again that just turns into an insult contest. Where's HIS dignity? He's the person REALLY prolonging the situation. Not the wife, not the OW. If you want to take potshots at someone's character based on their actions...take aim at the clearest target.
bentnotbroken Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 No...that's not pathetic. That's not giving up on something that means something to you. Please...don't get me started on pathetic. Let's avoid trying to throw words around like that before this breaks down into an insult-fest which doesn't do anyone any good. His wife hasn't done anything "undignified" by not giving up on her marriage. You feel she does...I feel completely opposite. She's being dignified by fighting to save the marriage. I'm also going to try to avoid comparisons between the OW and the BW....because again that just turns into an insult contest. Where's HIS dignity? He's the person REALLY prolonging the situation. Not the wife, not the OW. If you want to take potshots at someone's character based on their actions...take aim at the clearest target. Amen Owl. Amen.
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 TNY- save it. You can reinvent the wheel if you'd like but don't go calling someone else something that primarily you (not directed to just you) showed lack of to begin with. Because it can also read like this: For all the OW's big talk about "dignity", what kind of "dignity" does the OW really have when she chooses to stay with the full knowledge that her MM is M, has a family and a W wich basically also cheats on her with. Don't we all dance to the same tune... Sure - but we're not talking about an OW (right now, in this thread at least) who's being hypocritical saying "I'm so dignified" and not acting it, are we?
BB07 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 There is no dignity in either side of the equation.......if the bs stays but accepts it and doesn't expect or demand better. If the OW stays in it knowing that she is wanting more than she is getting and compromises herself, her wants, her needs, that isn't dignity. OH and let's start on the MM, he has no dignity or he wouldn't be lying to start with, now would he? Plus.......he takes away the dignity of the bs and the ow by lying to each.
Author piscis Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 Thank you all for your comments. I will try to be clear. Sometimes I know I am not that clear and I apologize (language issue). IMPO If she had so much dignity she wouldn't have called me and insulted me when she find out about the A someone with dignity speaks or shouts at her husband and does not contact the OW because the OW is no one she is the W and she is number one and she does not need to call the OW. She has told him by phone ( I have heard) she does not want anything with him she just HAS to stay because they have a 7 yera old girl. some one with dignity leaves or make him leave in order to show her daughter the place her mummy has and that if his father was not able to honour her or their life he cant be with them. Ok so for whatever reason vows, children, her being affraid of being alone, she wanting to show socialy she is in a perfect marriage or wahtever if you have dignity you do not call hear my voice and hang. What dignity is in that???
TOWinNYC Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 No...that's not pathetic. That's not giving up on something that means something to you. Please...don't get me started on pathetic. Let's avoid trying to throw words around like that before this breaks down into an insult-fest which doesn't do anyone any good. His wife hasn't done anything "undignified" by not giving up on her marriage. You feel she does...I feel completely opposite. She's being dignified by fighting to save the marriage. I'm also going to try to avoid comparisons between the OW and the BW....because again that just turns into an insult contest. Where's HIS dignity? He's the person REALLY prolonging the situation. Not the wife, not the OW. If you want to take potshots at someone's character based on their actions...take aim at the clearest target. Owl, you know you have my utmost respect because I think you give amazing advice and have clarity of perspective. So for you, wise Owl, I will try to see….. Not giving up on something that means something to you....okay, that works for me from the BW perspective. Can you still say the same from the OW viewpoint? Can you say it’s dignified for the OW to stay in the A because she’s not giving up on something that’s important to her? Would that statement still hold water if it was said by the MM? Is it dignified for the MM to keep pursuing the OW because he can’t give up on something that means so much to him? And I didn’t say the BW was undignified for not giving up on her marriage. I said it’s undignified considering the situation. How long does the blanket of “dignity” last? Is it dignified to stay in a M while the A is being flaunted in your face? Is it dignified to stay in a M for years and years with that knowledge? I, personally, don’t think so. But that’s just me. As for the MM, I’m not sure if he HAS any dignity but that wasn’t the point of the original post. I just replied (with my opinions of course), to what the original post said.
bentnotbroken Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Thank you all for your comments. I will try to be clear. Sometimes I know I am not that clear and I apologize (language issue). IMPO If she had so much dignity she wouldn't have called me and insulted me when she find out about the A someone with dignity speaks or shouts at her husband and does not contact the OW because the OW is no one she is the W and she is number one and she does not need to call the OW. She has told him by phone ( I have heard) she does not want anything with him she just HAS to stay because they have a 7 yera old girl. some one with dignity leaves or make him leave in order to show her daughter the place her mummy has and that if his father was not able to honour her or their life he cant be with them. Ok so for whatever reason vows, children, her being affraid of being alone, she wanting to show socialy she is in a perfect marriage or wahtever if you have dignity you do not call hear my voice and hang. What dignity is in that??? I don't' know what lies her H is feeding her and neither do you. There are several BS who chose to stay and I commend them for being able to stick it out for whatever their reasons are. It isn't up to you to decide what she shows her child. What is certain is that you are a part of the mess in her life and she has ever right to call you on it. If you don't like the heat, get out of the fire.
BB07 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Thank you all for your comments. I will try to be clear. Sometimes I know I am not that clear and I apologize (language issue). IMPO If she had so much dignity she wouldn't have called me and insulted me when she find out about the A someone with dignity speaks or shouts at her husband and does not contact the OW because the OW is no one she is the W and she is number one and she does not need to call the OW. She has told him by phone ( I have heard) she does not want anything with him she just HAS to stay because they have a 7 yera old girl. some one with dignity leaves or make him leave in order to show her daughter the place her mummy has and that if his father was not able to honour her or their life he cant be with them. Ok so for whatever reason vows, children, her being affraid of being alone, she wanting to show socialy she is in a perfect marriage or wahtever if you have dignity you do not call hear my voice and hang. What dignity is in that??? Piscis...........she is his wife, she can do and did do what ever she damn well pleases. She has that right. Now.....stop blaming this mess on her, take serious stock of your own part in this, what she does is not your concern. What you do.......IS. Her dignity or lack thereof, is NOT your concern. Find your dignity and you will be fine. Hugs......
Author piscis Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 Thanks BB07 You are right. The thing here (which was lost) was for me to avoid doing a stup thing as contacting her. She has the right to do everything she wants to do because she is a W I really doubt that but I do not have to contact her either. What for?
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