pppenguin1 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 My girlfriend and I broke up short of 2 months ago, after a few arguments and kind of getting stuck in a rut and a bad visit. She wanted space and I agreed. Then we started to talk again on skype. Small talk, and since then in the last 2 weeks or so it has gotten back to where we were when we were together. We talk almost everyday now, and it's not awkward for either of us, we even webcammed last night. I think we both missed each other, and we have talked about the relationship, but not in huge depth. We haven't argued and it feels like it did when we were first together. I have to visit where she lives for work (US) I'm in UK, and i mentioned i would drive and we could get lunch. She suggested dinner. Then she has been out buying nice dresses for when we go out, obviously wanting to look good... Here is my question, I'm fine with how things are right now, and I admit i'm still attracted to her, but what's going on with her? Is it weird for ex's to talk like this so soon after a break-up? Thanks!
jessyboo Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Well, to be honest, when I have a fight or a disagreement with my boyfriend, I get really pissed at him. But if we stop talking to each other for a few hours I instantly miss him and want to talk to him again. I'm assuming she really missed you and just needed you in her life again, because even after a break-up some women still have feelings for their exes. Whether it was a break-up or a minor disagreement, I know a good handful of women including myself that can really miss their boyfriends after a certain amount of time. It's perfectly normal in my books for her to miss you and to come back to you.
Author pppenguin1 Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 But would she bother wanting to go for dinner and making herself look good for me if the dinner was strictly friends..? I joked last night that I'd spent all my money so we would have to go for a walk instead and she got upset lol. Maybe she's waiting to see how the dinner goes?
TMichaels Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 But would she bother wanting to go for dinner and making herself look good for me if the dinner was strictly friends..? I joked last night that I'd spent all my money so we would have to go for a walk instead and she got upset lol. Maybe she's waiting to see how the dinner goes? ppenguin, I think you'd better start askin' yourself what you want out of the relationship. Sounds to me like you don't care if you get her back as your g/f or not. "Friends" is perfectly fine. I don't think that's where she thinks things are headed. Most women don't go to the trouble of making sure they have "just the right outfit" and get ticked when a significant other proposes lunch instead of dinner. Quite frankly, if all you want to be is "good friends" with her, then you need to make that clear -- upfront -- not in the midst of dinner. Unless, for some reason, you're so self-centered you could care less how she feels and what she thinks -- then by all means, go ahead and lead her on. All the best, TMichaels
Mark2134 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 (edited) ppenguin, I think you'd better start askin' yourself what you want out of the relationship. Sounds to me like you don't care if you get her back as your g/f or not. "Friends" is perfectly fine. I don't think that's where she thinks things are headed. Most women don't go to the trouble of making sure they have "just the right outfit" and get ticked when a significant other proposes lunch instead of dinner. Quite frankly, if all you want to be is "good friends" with her, then you need to make that clear -- upfront -- not in the midst of dinner. Unless, for some reason, you're so self-centered you could care less how she feels and what she thinks -- then by all means, go ahead and lead her on. All the best, TMichaelsWhat do you think to this? Edited July 31, 2010 by Mark2134
Mark2134 Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 That was a bit harsh. I care very deeply for her and I am still in love with her, but I guess I am holding back myself before I know what she thinks is going on. Neither of us has mentioned getting back together, or any form of it, and I don't want to start thinking like that if it comes to nothing, to be disappointed..again. But as you say, if she's suggesting dinner and a sexy outfit to wear for it, maybe she's unsure herself, and it's a wait and see situation. I don't think she would talk to me like we have been if she didn't still have feelings, right?
TMichaels Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 But as you say, if she's suggesting dinner and a sexy outfit to wear for it, maybe she's unsure herself, and it's a wait and see situation. I don't think she would talk to me like we have been if she didn't still have feelings, right? Huh? Why would she: a) Be talking and webcamming with you "just like old times" b) Agreeing to see you when you're in the States c) Shopping for the perfect outfit d) Wanting to spend a leisurely dinner with you rather than a "grab and go" lunch... if she wasn't willing to get back together with you? I don't see *anything* there that signals *she's* UNSURE at all. She wanted space -- you gave it to her. As a result, she's talking to you again and looking forward to seeing you. Isn't it fairly obvious to you if she still thought you were the scum of the earth that she wouldn't be doing any of those things? I stand by my first observation -- that YOU need to figure out what you want out of this relationship because you're the one that seems to have a case of the "I'M NOT SUREs." Relationships are all about risk. Fine if you don't want to risk getting hurt again. Then stay home, lock yourself in your room, and don't ever stick your neck out again. But if you see this girl as someone you could spend the rest of your life with -- you're not going to get there micro-analyzing every single little thing she says and does. Instead, you ought to be spending your time figuring out what went wrong the first time around. Arguments, stuck in a rut, bad visits? How did those happen? It takes two to tango. What did you do to cause them? And, more importantly, what are willing to do to make sure you don't fall back in that pattern, again? Or, is this girl not worth that sort of "risk" to you? Best, TMichaels
Author pppenguin1 Posted August 1, 2010 Author Posted August 1, 2010 Huh? Why would she: a) Be talking and webcamming with you "just like old times" b) Agreeing to see you when you're in the States c) Shopping for the perfect outfit d) Wanting to spend a leisurely dinner with you rather than a "grab and go" lunch... if she wasn't willing to get back together with you? I don't see *anything* there that signals *she's* UNSURE at all. She wanted space -- you gave it to her. As a result, she's talking to you again and looking forward to seeing you. Isn't it fairly obvious to you if she still thought you were the scum of the earth that she wouldn't be doing any of those things? I stand by my first observation -- that YOU need to figure out what you want out of this relationship because you're the one that seems to have a case of the "I'M NOT SUREs." Relationships are all about risk. Fine if you don't want to risk getting hurt again. Then stay home, lock yourself in your room, and don't ever stick your neck out again. But if you see this girl as someone you could spend the rest of your life with -- you're not going to get there micro-analyzing every single little thing she says and does. Instead, you ought to be spending your time figuring out what went wrong the first time around. Arguments, stuck in a rut, bad visits? How did those happen? It takes two to tango. What did you do to cause them? And, more importantly, what are willing to do to make sure you don't fall back in that pattern, again? Or, is this girl not worth that sort of "risk" to you? Best, TMichaels Hey, thanks for replying. You do seem to spell things out for me, and I appreciate that. You are right about relationships being about risk etc. But we never fell out, or got angry at the point of the break up. We after a month or so we just found our way back to talking to each other. I guess it's just me thinking that she's using me and my friendship as an ego boost for herself. I can't ask her if she wants to get back together...at least not until I see her. We even talked tonight on skype and were saying how it's NOT weird talking to each other, where some of my friends and her friends have said it is, and she said that it's better how it is now as we argue less...however she wants me to see her and look good for me.. Can she be out of love and into friends only zone already?
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