Lost Fish Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Hey all, Just got out of a hot/cold long distance relationship that essentially painfully fell apart in slow motion over the past few weeks. We've been friends for 3 years, and together a year. We talked and texted about everyday and had even made long term plans to be together, so now to see it all vanish in a puff of smoke has me reeling. I think the past few days I was struggling to even believe it, but now on day 3 of No Contact reality is hitting me with that deep pit of loss in my stomach and chest. Essentially she grew cold and distant after I had returned from a family vacation. Communication was strained and I finally called her on it. I am 90% sure that someone else has stepped into her life and her interest in him was strong enough to leave me. However, in her words she just told me that she feels like she just needs some time to chill and "needs a break." I'm not buying it. I feel like this is it with her. I am trying to get to acceptance - find that relief that I don't have to endure the pains of a LDR anymore with this girl, but it still hurts. A lot. So... I am not here to ask about "how do I get her back." Because really, I know in the long run there are a plethora of reasons why it wasn't going to work. But my heart is still really aching. We had loved each other hard, and talked about kids and marriage and where we'd live... heavy topics. Any advice on how to get myself to finally accept and realize that IT IS OVER. Things have been rough with her for most of this month and I'm sick of feeling pain and sadness, but I can feel that my heart just can't let go yet, and as long as I have this idiotic hope she will come back, I am stuck feeling like this. Please help... I hate having this continual lump in my throat. Ugh. How do get myself to accept it's over?
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Man, I feel for you. I did the LDR thing a good few years ago and it just didn't pan out for me, mostly coz of the distance and the struggle of it. I was able to move on from that quite easy because I had been with her for a while and it just fizzled out... It could be possible that this girl has met someone (always a worry and a risk in LDR's I think because you're never really as involved in this girl's life as you'd like to be, creating a space for someone else to fill) and there's the possibility that she just doesn't want to do it anymore...either way, you need to move on. I've recently been kicked to the curb myself and during the initial months of depression (yes, months) I was told the same thing again and again, by friends and family: It just takes time. I think how long it takes depends on what you do; my friends told me to start working out, do more exercise, take up a hobby, ANYTHING to occupy your mind. If you keep thinking about this girl, it won't help you. Another thing I was doing for the first few months that didn't help was drinking to excess. I got pretty bad with alcohol coz I didn't want to accept it was over, and that just pushed me further back. So I would say to you what I've been told, and hopefully it'll work for you: Get out there and start doing things you've wanted to do for a while, take up some new hobbies, start excercising, meet new friends, socialise more. Do not keep in contact with the girl, though. I made this mistake. Unless you're ready to be friends, and nothing more, I'd say NC is the best option. Take care. I hope you feel better.
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