shadowplay Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 It's been about 3.5 months since my ex suddenly broke my heart. Many of you will recall my tortured threads in the weeks immediately following. I'm happy to report that it does get better. I'm well on my way. It's hard to quantify. If I could assign a number, I'd say I'm 50-60% over him. He no longer consumes my thoughts. In fact, he doesn't cross my mind all that often. When I do think about him I mostly feel nothing. Really. Like I'm thinking about him now, and he just seems like a lame guy who wasn't worthy of me or my tears. It's weird, like it's hard for me to even recall the pain that I once felt or assign any strong emotion to him whatsoever. I can intellectually identify that there is pain tied to him, but I don't feel it. There are moments where I get a sudden shock of it, but they're becoming more fleeting and spaced out. That's not to say I don't feel routinely lonely, sometimes acutely so, but it's not tied to missing him as a person, more just the loss of something that I thought was secure and the fear that I'll always be alone. Most of what's left to getting over him is the negative impact the break up had on my self esteem, mood and outlook on life. I am more depressed than I was. I think that will take longer to recover, but I'm doing everything I can to speed up the process. One thing that helped me was having some LC with him after the breakup (we've hung out as friends in a group a number of times). The result was I didn't eulogize him, because my idealized impression of him from when things were good was replaced by more recent memories of me being around him when I saw him in a new light. Now that my impression of him has changed, I'm going to start NC for good. This past week he's been out of town with no cell service, so we've been NC by default. It was great having no choice. After just a week, I already notice the difference. I think about him less and feel stronger. Just to emphasize how far I've come I'll relate the chronology of my healing process. -The first week was hell. Typical physical signs: no eating, sleeping, constant nerves. I went home for a few days to be with my family, but it didn't help. I remember taking a walk with my parents on a beautiful sunny day, and feeling miserable the whole time because every house and family I saw reminded me of the future we had planned. Walking with my parents I also started to think about their eventual demise, which opened up even deeper fears of dying alone and death in general. The break up unearthed primal fears I hadn't experienced since I was a child, the kind of fears most adults suppress so they can function. But maybe it was good that I allowed myself to experience them. I broke down in tears when I came home from the walk. I was certain I'd never get over him, because if something as lovely as a summer day crippled me, how could I ever be happy again? I was sure I had lost the love of my life, and that I'd never get over this break up because the loss was greater than any other I'd ever experienced. The next few weeks things didn't get much better. I forced myself to survive and function, but inside I was a mess. We had bad sex a few times that ended in me breaking down. I felt on the verge of suicide. I shopped through a few therapists, and felt even worse after leaving their offices because I was certain I was beyond help. Somehow, though, I kept going, despite all of my actions feeling useless and detached from my heart. I was convinced I would be the rare person who never gets over their ex. I obsessively read threads from Sedgwick, who is still obsessed with her ex three years later, and was convinced I'd become like her. But at some point along the way, I don't know when, things got marginally better. Maybe it was when I moved out of my old place and into a much nicer place with people my age. Or maybe there wasn't a single point, but just a gradual fading of love. Anyway, here I am now, despite my confidence that I'd never get here. I hope this makes people who are going through what I have feel better.
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 So happy for you! Sounds like you are on the right track to getting yourself back. Keep going, I love to hear the success stories:cool:
This Hurts Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I love you for this Thank you. How you described you felt was exactly how I felt. I don't think I'm at the point you are, but now I know I can be.
lullaby Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 It's been about 3.5 months since my ex suddenly broke my heart. Many of you will recall my tortured threads in the weeks immediately following. I'm happy to report that it does get better. I'm well on my way. It's hard to quantify. If I could assign a number, I'd say I'm 50-60% over him. He no longer consumes my thoughts. In fact, he doesn't cross my mind all that often. When I do think about him I mostly feel nothing. Really. Like I'm thinking about him now, and he just seems like a lame guy who wasn't worthy of me or my tears. It's weird, like it's hard for me to even recall the pain that I once felt or assign any strong emotion to him whatsoever. I can intellectually identify that there is pain tied to him, but I don't feel it. There are moments where I get a sudden shock of it, but they're becoming more fleeting and spaced out. That's not to say I don't feel routinely lonely, sometimes acutely so, but it's not tied to missing him as a person, more just the loss of something that I thought was secure and the fear that I'll always be alone. Most of what's left to getting over him is the negative impact the break up had on my self esteem, mood and outlook on life. I am more depressed than I was. I think that will take longer to recover, but I'm doing everything I can to speed up the process. One thing that helped me was having some LC with him after the breakup (we've hung out as friends in a group a number of times). The result was I didn't eulogize him, because my idealized impression of him from when things were good was replaced by more recent memories of me being around him when I saw him in a new light. Now that my impression of him has changed, I'm going to start NC for good. This past week he's been out of town with no cell service, so we've been NC by default. It was great having no choice. After just a week, I already notice the difference. I think about him less and feel stronger. Just to emphasize how far I've come I'll relate the chronology of my healing process. -The first week was hell. Typical physical signs: no eating, sleeping, constant nerves. I went home for a few days to be with my family, but it didn't help. I remember taking a walk with my parents on a beautiful sunny day, and feeling miserable the whole time because every house and family I saw reminded me of the future we had planned. Walking with my parents I also started to think about their eventual demise, which opened up even deeper fears of dying alone and death in general. The break up unearthed primal fears I hadn't experienced since I was a child, the kind of fears most adults suppress so they can function. But maybe it was good that I allowed myself to experience them. I broke down in tears when I came home from the walk. I was certain I'd never get over him, because if something as lovely as a summer day crippled me, how could I ever be happy again? I was sure I had lost the love of my life, and that I'd never get over this break up because the loss was greater than any other I'd ever experienced. The next few weeks things didn't get much better. I forced myself to survive and function, but inside I was a mess. We had bad sex a few times that ended in me breaking down. I felt on the verge of suicide. I shopped through a few therapists, and felt even worse after leaving their offices because I was certain I was beyond help. Somehow, though, I kept going, despite all of my actions feeling useless and detached from my heart. I was convinced I would be the rare person who never gets over their ex. I obsessively read threads from Sedgwick, who is still obsessed with her ex three years later, and was convinced I'd become like her. But at some point along the way, I don't know when, things got marginally better. Maybe it was when I moved out of my old place and into a much nicer place with people my age. Or maybe there wasn't a single point, but just a gradual fading of love. Anyway, here I am now, despite my confidence that I'd never get here. I hope this makes people who are going through what I have feel better. GREAT NEWS!!!!! I could relate to your story and mostly the part in bold. I still have LC with him but I don't feel like getting back with him anymore, I've reached a point where I don't want it. Here's a post I wrote a week ago about how I feel so you can see we're both on the same path http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t239285/ This past week I didn't contact him, I didn't want to, he texted today but it didn't bother me And I didn't move but I started on a new job so it helped a lot. I'm so proud you're doing so good. Really, even if I don't know you, I've been there and I bet you can't believe how could you be so lost after the break up, thinking that there could no possible recovery and here you are, putting the pieces back together and finally moving on. Thanks so much for sharing it!
Citizen Erased Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I can't believe it's been 3 and a half months. And this is all great shadow, but I doubt anyone thought you would stay how you were when you posted that first thread. You made steps to move on and they've worked. Considering how out of nowhere that brekup was, apart from a fee hiccups, you've done good. And I hope you do remove him from your life for good, he adds nothing of value to it really.
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