bolase Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I feel heartbroken and stupid and confused. A total mess today. Last night I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 months, I didn't want to but he didn't seem to care that much, or couldn't show it. He never made much time to see me but we had great times when we did - but it wasnt just our failure to meet up that hurt me it was the fact he hardly ever sent me any kind of msg in between these times. I think if you dont have that contact, letting each other know you are thinking of each other maybe once ever 2 days.. it's not a relationship, right? I've known this guy for 3 years but we've always been with other people or overseas. This year we got together after he admitted a crush, even though we're different people we're on the same levels, had great sex, great conversations sometimes, I felt I could be myself and he said he did too, but I felt distant cause we hardly saw each other, but he liked things this way..is it demanding of me to want someone more attentive, loving and affectionate? Who tells me their problems and listens? seriously? I feel awful because during our talk he said he was happy the way things were, that he could keep going, but not if I wanst happy - he said, "though we know we arent the love of each others life." That really cut me. I mean this guy, though not spending much time on me, had just told me he's told his mum overseas that we were together, told his friends I was his partner and invited me as such... and now I feel like I just wanted too much? But after we held each other, his first question to me: "have you ever had break up sex"? needless to say I didn't, even though it was hard not to...I feel so ****ty right now. Then to make it worse, he asked if he should leave me be so I can heal..why is it I am hurting and he seems fine? I do want to be his friend, it was frustrating being his girlfriend, but I dont want to spend time with him if he's trying to have sex with me. I feel so cheapened...want to have sex with feelings next time..this sucks. I feel like I had no choice...did any other people feel like that? the lack of affection and care left them no choice but to salvage my self respect and cut it off?
paleblue Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 it is pretty hard to keep pursuing someone who doesnt really show much interest... it is not demanding that you want more than just here and there from someone. and it certainly is not demanding that you want someone to show interest or affection. thats what people usually do. im sorta dealing with a similiar scenario now.. she is the same way. and i dont want to make excuses for people who are like this, they are who they are, but what i am realizing is... im not happy with what they have to offer. there seems to be a lot of just emotionally cold and distant people in the world. it almost sounds like you two were better off remaining just friends. after his little thoughtless quote about thought we knew we arent each other's life love.... that one right there ought to be screaming to you to move on. what that says to me is didnt you know we were just f*** buddies??? there is nothing that you could have done different to change anything..so dont beat yourself up too badly if at all possible he is who he is. and it doesnt sound like you two are really going to mesh. sorry. it does feel ****ty. you are right. and it sucks!!! i have been feeling the same exact way the last 3 or 4 days.... contemplating what i am going to do about my situation. whatever i decide i am still going to have a heavy heart about it. he views you are his sex buddy and thats it. something tells me you are not cool with that. and you are right. its a waste of time. move on. im sure you can be friends at some point, but give it a break for a while until you feel 100% again. and make it clear to him. you are not his sex buddy.
Author bolase Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 Thanks paleblue I am feeing mangled today, but I know it will be better tomorrow. We were definitely activity buddies, had heaps in common and creative hobbies we shared, but somehow, we just arent right. Ieven said to him that I was waking up to the fact we aren't right for each other. He said he thought who cares if we aren't right for each other, he enjoyed being with me. And he held me tight the whole night. I'm trying to not think about him and what he is thinking. And stay busy! But yeh thanks for your considerate reply..I can be a bit emotionally cold, but I feel strongly and I cried last night - whereas he is also emotionally distant but never shows it - he even apologised for not crying last night, which I said "why did you say that?" to! At the start, he was the one to feel vulnerable, and look up our horoscopes and talk about how we needed to be vulnerable and he was willing to open up to me and not close off when he got depressed, all that, and I was the aloof one.. I guess sometimes things just don't work out.
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