Author guthe Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 I met the guy early on, and didn't think much. I've not wanted to confront him directly because I really don't want him to think he is a threat, as that might empower him.
seibert253 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I met the guy early on, and didn't think much. I've not wanted to confront him directly because I really don't want him to think he is a threat, as that might empower him. He IS a threat. Time to start treating him as such. I don't see how you telling him to leave your W alone is empowering him. You're the H, you have the power. By your actions you've given that power away, now it's time to take it back. Stand firm and stake your claim to your W and M. Deep down that's what your W wants. A strong man that will fight for her. I've said it before and I'll repeat it; you need to set boundries and be crystal clear what the consequences will be if those boundries are violated. You need to establish these with your W, and her "friend".
Author guthe Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 (edited) Remember, she screamed at me when I told her I didn't want her to have dinner with one of her friends this week, and pouted when I told her she couldn't have dinner with her other friend on her birthday. I am setting boundries because it is the right thing to do, although I'm don't think she is appreciating it right now. Remember, she said she doesn't love me anymore and is not interested in making the marriage work. Edited August 12, 2010 by guthe
hopesndreams Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Remember, she said she doesn't love me anymore and is not interested in making the marriage work. Then make her eat her words. It's all you have left at this point. Her mind is filled with all the stuff you do wrong. Her perception. It will be as tough as concrete very soon if it isn't already. What have you got to lose? She's already gone. What have you got to gain? Self-respect and dignity.
You Go Girl Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Tell her this truth: You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Analogy for: You can try to save the marriage, do everything in your power and then some, but you can't do it alone if she's not also thirsty.
seibert253 Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Remember, she screamed at me when I told her I didn't want her to have dinner with one of her friends this week, and pouted when I told her she couldn't have dinner with her other friend on her birthday. I am setting boundries because it is the right thing to do, although I'm don't think she is appreciating it right now. Remember, she said she doesn't love me anymore and is not interested in making the marriage work. Here's one that works well. Next time she says she hates you, doesn't love you anymore, and doesn't want to work on the marriage, calmly get up, go into her bedroom with the biggest suitcase you have, and start packing her clothes. She'll ask what you're doing and tell her, "you don't love me, you don't want to be married any longer, fine, you can leave I won't stop you. As a matter of fact I'm helping you pack". Call her bluff. No matter what reaction that brings, you need to contact an attorney and begin the D process. You need to protect yourself.
Owl Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I'm going to say it one last time for you... Tell her that if she wants to live the single life, she's welcome to it. As Seibert suggested...help her pack, get her stuff together, and show her the door. The "boundary" I would set here is that she has to work on the marriage...the consequence of not choosing to do so is to move out, and live on her own, without ANY support of any kind from you. Tell her if she wants to be/act single, then she gets to see what that's like...and she's out the door. Her other option is to to stop all the destructive behaviors, seek counseling (both personal and marriage), and remain in the house as a married woman. If you try to find some 'middle ground' in here, you're just going to give her a confused message that will result in no changes whatsoever. What REASON does she have to stop seeing these other guys right now? What true consequence has she suffered for her actions, other than a little bit of arguing with you over it? She's only going to change when the pain of her actions overcome the pleasure she's getting from them. What are you doing to let her suffer her own consequences?
ILguy Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 wow. sounds almost like the situataion i am in now. i gotta say i really have no clue what to do.
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