smk Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Ok I am not normally aggresive, I generally try and avoid confrontation and raised voices as much as i can, yet since my break up i have these moments where i am getting extremely aggresive thoughts. I dont act up or get violent or anything like that, but there are moment where in my mind i get so aggresive and think extremely violent thoughts and its really beggining to worry me... has anyone else been through this?
HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I have noticed that my patience have been extremelly short SMK. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't want to put up with anybodys nonsense either. Sometimes I get thoughts of rage, but I don't act either. This is sooooo not like me. I'm such a pacifist. You're not alone. I've been going to a counselor for the first time and am on Lexipro and Kolonapin for anxiety. I think the lexipro helps, but I don't know for sure. Just know it sucks.
Author smk Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I have noticed that my patience have been extremelly short SMK. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't want to put up with anybodys nonsense either. Sometimes I get thoughts of rage, but I don't act either. This is sooooo not like me. I'm such a pacifist. You're not alone. I've been going to a counselor for the first time and am on Lexipro and Kolonapin for anxiety. I think the lexipro helps, but I don't know for sure. Just know it sucks. Yeah same here - and the worst part is that my patience is short around my family and the people who care about me. I get the moments of rage too and I dont act, and like you I have always been a pacifist. I dont even like it when people shout... I have started seeing a therapist recently, my anxiety is all over the place, some days its ok, but others I am a complete wreck and to top it off I now have a constant lump in my throat which my GP has checked and insists that there is nothing there, yet sometimes I get to the point where I get the feeling of being strangled....
jen_r Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Yeah same here - and the worst part is that my patience is short around my family and the people who care about me. I get the moments of rage too and I dont act, and like you I have always been a pacifist. I dont even like it when people shout... My patients with my family is also short, I seem to snap alot and get aggrivated at stupid things. It's because I'm just aggrivated in general and am taking anger out on them :/
Author smk Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 My patients with my family is also short, I seem to snap alot and get aggrivated at stupid things. It's because I'm just aggrivated in general and am taking anger out on them :/ hey jen, i hope youre doing better than yesterday.... Yeah me to I just seem to be on such a short fuse at the moment - and that combined with crying like a wimp for the smallest of things.... this crap is driving me insane...
jen_r Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 hey jen, i hope youre doing better than yesterday.... Yeah me to I just seem to be on such a short fuse at the moment - and that combined with crying like a wimp for the smallest of things.... this crap is driving me insane... I'm doing better in the sense that I haven't cried today - but wait till tomorrow. But I really am in the same boat as you. Nothing makes sense, food isn't appealing even though your starving, everything reminds you of them, and you literally feel like your walking around with a black cloud over your head. I feel sorry for the next guy who trys to hit on me, cuz I might snap at him too...
HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Yeah same here - and the worst part is that my patience is short around my family and the people who care about me. I get the moments of rage too and I dont act, and like you I have always been a pacifist. I dont even like it when people shout... I have started seeing a therapist recently, my anxiety is all over the place, some days its ok, but others I am a complete wreck and to top it off I now have a constant lump in my throat which my GP has checked and insists that there is nothing there, yet sometimes I get to the point where I get the feeling of being strangled.... I hear you man. My patience with my family is ridiculously short, and they are awesome. They understand where I'm at though and have been great. I'd be screwed without them. Sorry to hear about the lump thing. That sounds a little serious? I guess if it's been checked out then you should be alright. Has your therapist put you on anything? I think the Lexipro helps, but I'm pretty sure the Kolonapin has for sure with the sleep thing. I actually get to sleep from midnight to about 5 in the morning, which is an improvement.... Sadly... Maybe look into it?
Circular Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 It's part of grief.... there are 5 stages: * Denial "I can't believe she broke up with me? why? Everything was p-e-r-f-e-c-t" * Anger "That $*% she can go to #$*#$ hell, dumping me like that you #$@*" -- Anger can be projected and displaced, that's what you're most likely experiencing, gotta vent it on someone. * Bargaining "OK, maybe if I talk to her, plead, send an email, a text, she must miss me right? We can probably figure it out. Maybe it's ok if we're just friends?!" * Depression Wahhhh, "I don't want to go out with my friends, I can't even get out of bed, all I can do is cry, this is killing me" * Acceptance "You know what, what was her name? I don't understand whatever I saw in her...." You can experience different stages at different times, you'll grieve components of your relationship at different times; maybe grieve the physical piece, then the emotional connection, then the great conversations.... so it can seem at times like you're going through every stage at the same time.
This Hurts Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Ok I am not normally aggresive, I generally try and avoid confrontation and raised voices as much as i can, yet since my break up i have these moments where i am getting extremely aggresive thoughts. I dont act up or get violent or anything like that, but there are moment where in my mind i get so aggresive and think extremely violent thoughts and its really beggining to worry me... has anyone else been through this? *raises hand* I'm not an aggressive person, either. At all. AT ALL. I was raised around women with no father figure, so that should tell you enough. I'm also the oldest of 4, so while my single mom was working very early and very late, I was the one packing my siblings lunches for school and tucking them in at night. I'm very caring and nurturing, especially for being a straight guy. I've always been known as the respectful sweetheart and in high school a lot of guys hated me because girls always felt more comfortable around me than they did around them. So even I was surprised when I started feeling this aggression towards my ex. I know I would never touch any woman in an inappropriate way, not even my ex, but I've had some crazy thoughts lately! It's like I wish I could hurt her without really hurting her. Have you ever seen Click? There's a scene where he pauses his life so everything freezes while talking to his boss and he beats the **** out of him. That's what I wish I could do. Just let all my anger out that way but without actually hurting anyone. I know that's not possible, though, so I've been okay with just fantasizing. But still. Sometimes I wish I could just punch her in the face.
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 It's part of grief.... there are 5 stages: * Denial "I can't believe she broke up with me? why? Everything was p-e-r-f-e-c-t" * Anger "That $*% she can go to #$*#$ hell, dumping me like that you #$@*" -- Anger can be projected and displaced, that's what you're most likely experiencing, gotta vent it on someone. * Bargaining "OK, maybe if I talk to her, plead, send an email, a text, she must miss me right? We can probably figure it out. Maybe it's ok if we're just friends?!" * Depression Wahhhh, "I don't want to go out with my friends, I can't even get out of bed, all I can do is cry, this is killing me" * Acceptance "You know what, what was her name? I don't understand whatever I saw in her...." You can experience different stages at different times, you'll grieve components of your relationship at different times; maybe grieve the physical piece, then the emotional connection, then the great conversations.... so it can seem at times like you're going through every stage at the same time. I want number 5 and I want it right now!!! I don't know how but I am feeling so many of these at once. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.....
This Hurts Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I want number 5 and I want it right now!!! I don't know how but I am feeling so many of these at once. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt..... :laugh: I like your sense of humor!
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 :laugh: I like your sense of humor! THANKS! It is either laugh and make fun or turn my face inside out from crying....
LikeCharlotte Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 It's part of grief.... there are 5 stages: * Denial "I can't believe she broke up with me? why? Everything was p-e-r-f-e-c-t" * Anger "That $*% she can go to #$*#$ hell, dumping me like that you #$@*" -- Anger can be projected and displaced, that's what you're most likely experiencing, gotta vent it on someone. * Bargaining "OK, maybe if I talk to her, plead, send an email, a text, she must miss me right? We can probably figure it out. Maybe it's ok if we're just friends?!" * Depression Wahhhh, "I don't want to go out with my friends, I can't even get out of bed, all I can do is cry, this is killing me" * Acceptance "You know what, what was her name? I don't understand whatever I saw in her...." You can experience different stages at different times, you'll grieve components of your relationship at different times; maybe grieve the physical piece, then the emotional connection, then the great conversations.... so it can seem at times like you're going through every stage at the same time. I was just going to say this but you beat me to it. If it is any consolation anger will usually pass if you are conscious of your actions. Try to remember that you have a right to feel angry. Maybe you can just direct it towards the source and that will leave a bit less for the people who care about you. Hopefully if you screw up too much you can always apologize and say "Im in the anger stage of grief. I suck a little bit at the moment." Acknowledgement goes a long way toward understanding.
Author smk Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 wow thats a huge relief... for a minute I seriously thought I was going little nuts.... I am out of denial - that happened about a week ago, yesterday was definately depression with a little bit of bargaining thrown in, and then came the anger (not towards her but just lots of anger and aggression).... the plan is to get to ACCEPTANCE and to move the **** on....
DenverBachelor Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 smk, We all have those thoughts. My biggest problem is patience -- especially around my family. If I'm at a family get-together, I'm cool for the first half hour until one of my uncles starts talking about politics. Then one of my aunts gets in on it, my dad starts getting involved and suddenly what was once a nice Sunday afternoon barbaque turns into a completely dysfunctional get-together. In fact, I can't stay around my family for more than an hour or so until I need to start drinking. Only then can I actually enjoy myself and enjoy getting involved in conversations like, "was Chapman really aiming for Lennon or Yoko? What color should we paint our house next spring? Your little cousin had her first period three weeks ago." I mean I have some REALLY WEIRD family members. I'm not kidding when I say that someone will, at some point, bust out with the most random, inappropriate, cringe inducing subject and that's when I go straight for the wine bottle. The stupidest thing I have ever done was punch a solid cement wall out of sheer anger (from my ex). It was the first time I had ever done anything like that in my life and only she could have pushed me into that zone. When I got to the hospital, the doctor recommended that I punch trash-cans and not immovable objects. I told him I'm never punching anything again and then he said, "that's what I told my ex-wife, too." So we're only human. At least have a sense of humor about when you screw up and never take life too seriously or you'll die at a young age from stress.
cookie2 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Sense of humour is definitely a good thing. Reminds me of the 8 stages of goatse... http://www.the-elite.net/ClarkPage/Phases
Author smk Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 smk, We all have those thoughts. My biggest problem is patience -- especially around my family. If I'm at a family get-together, I'm cool for the first half hour until one of my uncles starts talking about politics. Then one of my aunts gets in on it, my dad starts getting involved and suddenly what was once a nice Sunday afternoon barbaque turns into a completely dysfunctional get-together. In fact, I can't stay around my family for more than an hour or so until I need to start drinking. Only then can I actually enjoy myself and enjoy getting involved in conversations like, "was Chapman really aiming for Lennon or Yoko? What color should we paint our house next spring? Your little cousin had her first period three weeks ago." I mean I have some REALLY WEIRD family members. I'm not kidding when I say that someone will, at some point, bust out with the most random, inappropriate, cringe inducing subject and that's when I go straight for the wine bottle. The stupidest thing I have ever done was punch a solid cement wall out of sheer anger (from my ex). It was the first time I had ever done anything like that in my life and only she could have pushed me into that zone. When I got to the hospital, the doctor recommended that I punch trash-cans and not immovable objects. I told him I'm never punching anything again and then he said, "that's what I told my ex-wife, too." So we're only human. At least have a sense of humor about when you screw up and never take life too seriously or you'll die at a young age from stress. Yeah I get exactly the same feelings, I havent acted on the the irritability towards my family or anything but something as small as chewing a piece of carrot gets to me, I am living with family at the moment after I moved out, and I try and keep out of the house as much as possible. I know they mean well, but I feel guilty for all the anger that I seem to be having these feelings. And recently it has been to strangers I see walking or on the train or anywhere, I will have this sudden burst of rage in my head and then I have to count to 10 to calm myself down. I think its the nerves or something, I dont know... I punched the wall and then felt the "f*****g pain* and thought wow that was not worth it... LOL... I have been trying to read funny stuff and I found this blog about a guy who sleep talks and come up with the most random stuff and that makes me laugh... And I have been trying to make humour from little things and sort of being cocky with people at work, and stuff and that makes me feel a little lighter... Its just the sudden bursts of rage that really had me freaked out. I know as a child my mom and dad fought alot and since then I have never liked violence or screaming or shouting, and hence I was always a pacifist - i recall hiding under my bed when my parents used to fight these burst of rage just take me back to a very unhappy place... Its shocking how this break up has brought up so many emotions that I had blocked off since my childhood and TBH its quite scary... Either way my roller coaster seems to be moving up today so I intend to fully enjoy the ride up...
DenverBachelor Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Sense of humour is definitely a good thing. Reminds me of the 8 stages of goatse... http://www.the-elite.net/ClarkPage/Phases LOL! Stage 1: Shock (Minimize) Stage 2: Disbelief (Maximize) I did the exact same thing when my friend showed me a video called "Two girls, one cup." When it first started, I was like, "Oh HELL no!!! WTF??" So then I minimized it. Then I heard the sound and the slurping noises and got curious and maximized it. Then I was like, "omg, WOW! Really?" Then I sat there in a contorted cringe for a few minutes watching while looking away every so often. It just combined every taboo in the perfect focal point that made you want to look some more because it was so unbearable to watch.
cookie2 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Oh yeah... it is strangely fascinating after you get over the shock!! I didn't eat chocolate ice cream for 2 weeks after watching 2 girls 1 cup though.
Author smk Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 LOL! "Two girls, one cup." When it first started, I was like, "Oh HELL no!!! WTF??" So then I minimized it. Then I heard the sound and the slurping noises and got curious and maximized it. Then I was like, "omg, WOW! Really?" Then I sat there in a contorted cringe for a few minutes watching while looking away every so often. It just combined every taboo in the perfect focal point that made you want to look some more because it was so unbearable to watch. DB - why would you do that - I had finally managed to get that video out of my head late last year after 6 months of being scarred by it and now its back (hmmmm what would I rather be thinking of right now my ex or "two girls, one cup").... that is a tough choice.... Yeah it was one of things that as gross as it was and as socially unacceptable there is still a part of you that gets intrigued (not in a good way) by it - and makes you wonder what would compel someone to do that...
DenverBachelor Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 DB - why would you do that - I had finally managed to get that video out of my head late last year after 6 months of being scarred by it and now its back (hmmmm what would I rather be thinking of right now my ex or "two girls, one cup").... that is a tough choice.... Yeah it was one of things that as gross as it was and as socially unacceptable there is still a part of you that gets intrigued (not in a good way) by it - and makes you wonder what would compel someone to do that... Have you guys seen Kermit the Frog's reaction video to that video? If not, send me a private message if you want my facebook account. I have a lot of funny things on there!
Author smk Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 check out http://www.sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/ he always get a laugh out of me - thats where i get my chubby ninja.... always helps brighten up my day...
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 You rock today SMK!!! Have an awesome, stress-free, fun day!!! And seriously, no more internet disgusting nonsense....that can't be good for anyone....(my face is still cringed thinking about "two girls" ICK!!!)
Author smk Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 You rock today SMK!!! Have an awesome, stress-free, fun day!!! And seriously, no more internet disgusting nonsense....that can't be good for anyone....(my face is still cringed thinking about "two girls" ICK!!!) Hey Bon, thank you - I know i feel great today - had literally 20 seconds of a downer and then i perked up again... I havent felt like this in almost 2 months.... I am not going to get my hopes up that it lasts indefinately but i am going to embrace it for as long as i can... Yeah i think gross internet talk is a definate no-no.... did you check out the clip though...hehehehe
cookie2 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 OK... no more mention of tubgirl or lemonparty. I promise
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