txsilkysmoothe Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 . I have been hit on by many types, ages, etc, and NEVER have I felt insulted that a man found me attractive and or interesting enough to want to spend more time with me ! Never !!!!!![/QUOTE] Very true - tis the cross attractive people must carry. As a middle-aged woman, I would caution some young women who haughtily think they will never be 30, 40, or 50. In the blink of an eye it engulfs each one of us. AND, I DO look good for my age and I DO look younger than my age. Also, there are some women in their 20's who do like 40 year old men - to each there own. Women in the workplace will always encounter inappropriate behavior by male co-workers. It is something all women must consider and decide how to manage. There is no need for half-truths or excuses. "I'm not interested" is simple and final. I accept Shadow's explanation that her references to "spanish" were referring to the cultural and language difference and were not intended in a derogatory manner.
zengirl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Very true - tis the cross attractive people must carry. As a middle-aged woman, I would caution some young women who haughtily think they will never be 30, 40, or 50. In the blink of an eye it engulfs each one of us. AND, I DO look good for my age and I DO look younger than my age. It's not that I think I'll never be 30, 40, or 50 (or that I think people of those age groups are disgusting in any way). It's just that I find something inherently creepy in any guy who claims he has the life experience of someone so much younger than him, to the point where he feels they'd be a suitable partner. If the same 40 year old man said, "Hey, you're a pretty attractive gal. The guys your age must go wild" with a sincere lack of interest in ever dating me, I wouldn't find that creepy. (Well, in the workplace, I kind of would, but that's another thing.) It's when they try to get me to go out with them that I find it creepy and insulting. I also know plenty of folks look "good for their age" or even younger. (Heck, I only recently stopped looking like a highschooler at 26, to the point where they can pick me out as a teacher in the room, finally. . . it's sad. The Asian side of my genes.) But most of the men who are approaching me and telling me when they're in front of me how they look good for their age (Well, wouldn't I just think you were younger then?) are especially creepy. I'm assuming you don't go up to men and say that!
spookie Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 From my experience, Hispanic guys are famously the handsiest. IMO it comes from the belief that youth belongs to everyone (which personally is a sentiment I find endearing). He is thinking, you look so cute, white girl all of 26, it'd be a shame not to flirt w/ you / at least try to feel you up. And what's wrong w/ that? Youth fades so fast, at least someone appreciates yours. my .02 on the "culture" aspect
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 It's not that I think I'll never be 30, 40, or 50 (or that I think people of those age groups are disgusting in any way). It's just that I find something inherently creepy in any guy who claims he has the life experience of someone so much younger than him, to the point where he feels they'd be a suitable partner. If the same 40 year old man said, "Hey, you're a pretty attractive gal. The guys your age must go wild" with a sincere lack of interest in ever dating me, I wouldn't find that creepy. (Well, in the workplace, I kind of would, but that's another thing.) It's when they try to get me to go out with them that I find it creepy and insulting. I also know plenty of folks look "good for their age" or even younger. (Heck, I only recently stopped looking like a highschooler at 26, to the point where they can pick me out as a teacher in the room, finally. . . it's sad. The Asian side of my genes.) But most of the men who are approaching me and telling me when they're in front of me how they look good for their age (Well, wouldn't I just think you were younger then?) are especially creepy. I'm assuming you don't go up to men and say that! No, they say it to me. No one should be labeled creepy simply because of age. If a man is creepy at 40, I suspect he was creepy at 20.
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 From my experience, Hispanic guys are famously the handsiest. IMO it comes from the belief that youth belongs to everyone (which personally is a sentiment I find endearing). He is thinking, you look so cute, white girl all of 26, it'd be a shame not to flirt w/ you / at least try to feel you up. And what's wrong w/ that? Youth fades so fast, at least someone appreciates yours. my .02 on the "culture" aspect Really? Really?
MrNate Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 From my experience, Hispanic guys are famously the handsiest. IMO it comes from the belief that youth belongs to everyone (which personally is a sentiment I find endearing). He is thinking, you look so cute, white girl all of 26, it'd be a shame not to flirt w/ you / at least try to feel you up. And what's wrong w/ that? Youth fades so fast, at least someone appreciates yours. my .02 on the "culture" aspect Or maybe it's because they tipped the heaviest?
Author shadowplay Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 It's not that I think I'll never be 30, 40, or 50 (or that I think people of those age groups are disgusting in any way). It's just that I find something inherently creepy in any guy who claims he has the life experience of someone so much younger than him, to the point where he feels they'd be a suitable partner. If the same 40 year old man said, "Hey, you're a pretty attractive gal. The guys your age must go wild" with a sincere lack of interest in ever dating me, I wouldn't find that creepy. (Well, in the workplace, I kind of would, but that's another thing.) It's when they try to get me to go out with them that I find it creepy and insulting. I also know plenty of folks look "good for their age" or even younger. (Heck, I only recently stopped looking like a highschooler at 26, to the point where they can pick me out as a teacher in the room, finally. . . it's sad. The Asian side of my genes.) But most of the men who are approaching me and telling me when they're in front of me how they look good for their age (Well, wouldn't I just think you were younger then?) are especially creepy. I'm assuming you don't go up to men and say that! You've had guys actually tell you they look younger than they are? That's pretty ridiculous. It's like somebody saying they're really smart or funny. I'm thinking, I'll judge that for myself.
spookie Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Really? Really? Yah from my experience as a stripper in texas, that was the conclusion i came to about hispanic men
zengirl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 No, they say it to me. No one should be labeled creepy simply because of age. If a man is creepy at 40, I suspect he was creepy at 20. I don't think it's simply because of age. It's age + action. Age (40) + hitting on someone they know to be in their early/mid-twenties or even younger (I've had such guys start by asking me if I was legal, which yeah, I'm way past legal, but Ew) = Creepy. But, as you say, they were probably always creepy. They just weren't bothering me with it yet, and this is just a way it manifests itself later, as the not creepy guys are doing other things, like picking up women their own age or tucking their kids in at night. That's just my POV on it. I've had guys say, "But I have more in common with younger women" (To, which I say: basically you've just admitted you're stunted and immature; awesome, no thanks) or "Well, I still look young" (To which I say, "if you have to say that to someone you've talked to in person. . . you probably don't") "and I keep in shape" (So do many people, including some folks your own age). But, really, whatever. I don't want to be around those fellows (as friends and I certainly don't want them picking me up) because I think they're generally immature and/or creepy. As I said, I think, on occasion, two unique individuals could form a relationship if one happened to be 26 and one happened to be 40, perhaps. But anyone who sees it as a plusrather than a potential barrier is a bit creepy. . . to me. You've had guys actually tell you they look younger than they are? That's pretty ridiculous. It's like somebody saying they're really smart or funny. I'm thinking, I'll judge that for myself. Yes. More than once. I don't know why. . . there's this type of guy (haven't dealt with them in awhile because most of the fellows in Korea are young and besides, they're much likelier to leave me alone if I say no because there are tons of pretty Korean girls everywhere, which, to me, is a benefit) that like tries to convince me to go out with them after I've said no. They don't know me. It's never going to happen. And I usually have to put on the bitch-face, which sucks, because, I'd rather be kind to everyone. . . but you have to put on the bitch-face with creeps. I think you can get away in this situation without the bitch-face (especially since it's a workplace) and just assert yourself, so I'm not implying you should go all bitch at the cook. But "maybes" are always terrible for the kind of guy that you least want chasing you. . . they love chasing rejection.
D-Lish Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Should I just say to him next time he asks: "You're married. I'm not comfortable dating a married man." Seems like a good way out. Do what my friend does when guys approach her with unwanted attention, just sneer and say "EW". He'll never bother you again.
Hot Carl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I read somewhere that it has been scientifically proven that Spanish people are inferior. Apparently it's almost a compliment to call them a "race". It's not exactly a coincidence that Spanish and species both start with Sp. It goes back to the latin origins that the two words have in common. I would feel a bit sullied by an experience like this myself. It's almost like having a Mastiff lick your genitals. Sure, it's what comes natural for him and he can't really be blamed for it, but it still makes you want to shower.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 As I recall it, the "rule" defines the lower limit of what I guy can acceptably date without being considered creepy. It's not the average age he should be going after. Big age differences may be more common in other cultures, but in American culture most people date around their age. As people grow older, the age gap widens some. Like it's common to see a a ten year age difference for people over the age of 50. There was 10 year difference between my mother and father he was the older one to some age doesn't matter.
EasyHeart Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I'm constantly amazed at how many people (esp. women) advocate mind-reading and think that everyone should be able to understand their "hints" and psychic brain blasts. And I'm waiting for someone to start a thread with a post like this: "I work with a waitress who is always flirting with me. We joke and talk all the time, and we get along great. About a week ago, I got up my nerve and asked her if she would go dancing with me. She said, "Sure" and seemed really excited about it. So for the next few days, I wanted to ask her when she wanted to go dancing, but with so many people around us in the kitchen, it's hard to get any one-on-one time with her. So earlier today, she was down in the basement and I finally had a chance to talk to her in private. First, i wanted to make sure she was really flirting with me and really liked me, so I asked her if she had a boyfriend. She smiled shyly, and admitted that she didn't, so I asked her to go out with me. She seemed really flattered and told me that she was really busy and would have to think about when we could go out. So I told her to let me know when she was available. I really like this girl and later, I asked her what she likes to do, like drinking or dancing, but she was busy and walked away. I don't want to bother her when she's busy, so later I told her that I would call her. So what's my next move? This woman obviously likes me, and I really like her. Should I call her? Or should I just play it cool for a couple days and then ask her for a specific time and day to go out. She's already said she wants to go out with me, so I'm just wondering how best to close the deal."
EasyHeart Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 No one should be labeled creepy simply because of age. If a man is creepy at 40, I suspect he was creepy at 20.I guess I'm one of those "creepy" old guys. I'm 48 and in the past year I've gone out with several women in their 20s. I didn't put a gun to their heads, and I didn't force them to go out with me. If I meet an attractive woman, I talk to her. And if I like her, I'll ask her out (and usually they say "Yes!"). There's not much more to it that that. It certainly isn't some sort of twisted scheme to control her or dominate her or use her as a status symbol. I just like her!
bittersweet memories Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Should I just say to him next time he asks: "You're married. I'm not comfortable dating a married man." Seems like a good way out. NO!.. Just say you are not interested married or not! (period)..You are making this bigger than is..why?
melodymatters Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I guess I'm one of those "creepy" old guys. I'm 48 and in the past year I've gone out with several women in their 20s. I didn't put a gun to their heads, and I didn't force them to go out with me. If I meet an attractive woman, I talk to her. And if I like her, I'll ask her out (and usually they say "Yes!"). There's not much more to it that that. It certainly isn't some sort of twisted scheme to control her or dominate her or use her as a status symbol. I just like her! No lie, buddy ! First, they make it so that NO adult, can talk to ANY child, without putting themselves at risk of a pedophelia charge..... Now we over 40's had BETTER not be caught fraternizing with people in their 20's lest we scar their self esteem and/OR be labled creeps ! ( I forgot to quote, but wasn't zen girl saying something about not wanting to even be friends with monstrosities such as we older, wiser, experienced, interesting and sometimes even good looking folk ? )
threebyfate Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 No lie, buddy ! First, they make it so that NO adult, can talk to ANY child, without putting themselves at risk of a pedophelia charge..... Now we over 40's had BETTER not be caught fraternizing with people in their 20's lest we scar their self esteem and/OR be labled creeps ! ( I forgot to quote, but wasn't zen girl saying something about not wanting to even be friends with monstrosities such as we older, wiser, experienced, interesting and sometimes even good looking folk ? )I'm really surprised that you see this as a personal affront. I've seen shadowplay interact with older men on LS who flirt with her with no problems and even in a flattered manner. But creep factor, which was proven by his marital status, makes all the difference.
zengirl Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 ( I forgot to quote, but wasn't zen girl saying something about not wanting to even be friends with monstrosities such as we older, wiser, experienced, interesting and sometimes even good looking folk ? ) I'd happily be friends with 40 year olds (and am!). Just not the ones who seek to date primarily 20somethings. I maintain that: As a 25-year-old, it creeps me out when a 40-something year old man approaches me in that way. And the 40somethings I'm friends with would agree. . . they don't date twentysomethings (actually most are married, but even the single ones). I'm not saying anybody ought to go to jail for it or anything. People can do as they please. And I can say it creeps me out, and that I wish much-older men (I see that as much-older) would not approach me and that I question their maturity in such choices.
melodymatters Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 And sorry shadow for going slightly OT. As far as your " when younger, being taken advatage of" stories, I can totally relate ! My 1st boss at a music store ( I was 15 and it was the coolest job ever back then) used to take me to his office during slow times to talk. Basically vent about his crazy, sexy girlfriend, but he liked t do it with me sitting on his LAP !....... and back then, it never occured to me to complain ! In truth it didn't upset me, but then again I was socilaized to be a beauty queen, man pleaser. Getting older and tougher and bitchier is FUN shadow, and much healtheir than beating YOURSELF up ! And not THIS guy obviously, but opening up your wall of preferences a bit might do you some good. These arty fags haven't really brought that much joy so far, have they ?
Author shadowplay Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 These arty fags haven't really brought that much joy so far, have they ? No, no they haven't.
melodymatters Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 I'd happily be friends with 40 year olds (and am!). Just not the ones who seek to date primarily 20somethings. I maintain that: As a 25-year-old, it creeps me out when a 40-something year old man approaches me in that way. And the 40somethings I'm friends with would agree. . . they don't date twentysomethings (actually most are married, but even the single ones). I'm not saying anybody ought to go to jail for it or anything. People can do as they please. And I can say it creeps me out, and that I wish much-older men (I see that as much-older) would not approach me and that I question their maturity in such choices. As I've stated many times, I have a hard time with anyone who seeks to date "primarily" ANYTHING, as it seems like such a limited way of inviting life, love and experience onto ones path ! I work in theatre and all ages and types, and sexual preferences tend to mingle AND date ! Maybe I AM being over sensitive, but it seems the words old and creepy are being correlated a LOT, and being a woman in my 40's ; It's CREEPING me out ! LOL (TBF : Obviously, THIS guy is married and therefore his actions are creepy, but there were many posts before and after in which that didn't seem to be the primary cause of repungnance)
Author shadowplay Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 As I've stated many times, I have a hard time with anyone who seeks to date "primarily" ANYTHING, as it seems like such a limited way of inviting life, love and experience onto ones path ! I work in theatre and all ages and types, and sexual preferences tend to mingle AND date ! Maybe I AM being over sensitive, but it seems the words old and creepy are being correlated a LOT, and being a woman in my 40's ; It's CREEPING me out ! LOL (TBF : Obviously, THIS guy is married and therefore his actions are creepy, but there were many posts before and after in which that didn't seem to be the primary cause of repungnance) For the record, I never called him creepy. That was a descriptor other people added in the comments. But, yeah, in light of that new info he's now looking like an unmitigated creep.
threebyfate Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Creep factor can't always be quantified. It's an instinctual reaction.
Author shadowplay Posted July 31, 2010 Author Posted July 31, 2010 Creep factor can't always be quantified. It's an instinctual reaction. Inwardly I felt a sense of revulsion that I couldn't explain (more so than with other guys who've approached me that I wasn't interested in), but now I'm thinking I was picking up on something off about his approach.
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