I'm so pissed. Older guy at work won't leave me alone

[AD1980]

And why are you assuming that this means I am? Aren't you being pretty judgmental in making that assumption about my "level" based on the information I've given?

 

I never indicated it was all I judge myself on. I know that I have a lot of great qualities. It's just frustrating when I rarely get approached by a guy who has the same stuff to offer as I do. Excuse me for thinking I'd be settling for a guy who is a lot older than I am, not in shape, uneducated, barely speaks English and comes from a vastly different cultural background.

 

It's not unreasonable to expect from a mate what you bring to the table. If you're young, decent looking, in shape and educated you're probably going to want somebody who has similar qualities and that's no unreasonable. Not to mention somebody who can speak your language with some fluency.

 

Im not talking him im talking in general from all your woe is me posts..

[shadowplay]

Im not talking him im talking in general from all your woe is me posts..

 

I never get asked out. It's not like I'm turning other guys down because I think they're beneath me. He's the only guy who has asked me out in like three years. But I have had a number of relationships, and they were all with guys who had a lot more in common with me than this guy does, who I wasn't physically repulsed by. With my most recent ex, I made the first approach.

 

And I'm not about to settle for any guy who approaches me even if I find him unattractive and he has nothing in common with me. That's worse than being single, but I suppose you consider this "good" advice.

[SarahRose]

Could u imagine a Man making a thread and making comments this vain and shallow?

 

Hed be roasted,its a women so shes comforted and told she deserves really attractive Men

 

You must not read this board much as there are constant posts about fatties and numbers below 6 from guys on here.

[shadowplay]

Im not talking him im talking in general from all your woe is me posts..

 

Lol, I just did a history search on your threads.

 

Take your own advice on your very "woe is me" threads:

"God im an ugly undateable loser":

 

"I just sat there and didnt say anyhting already realizng what shes sayign is im too ugly to be set up..

 

I dont even want to be set up but the fact that im not evne worhty of it,i must be hideous:sick:"

 

You're right. This probably means you're hideous. Why don't you just accept the fact that you're hideous. Also, stop judging yourself based on looks. And in the mean time, now that you've accepted your own hideousness, you should start just pursuing similarly hideous women.

 

"If somebody put you on the spot like that thats how youd probably react if the guy was unattratcive,if he was good looking youd proably say i have a friend who wold probably be into you.."

 

Where do you keep judging yourself only on your looks? Don't you know that dating is about more than looks?????

[SassyKitten]

A large age difference is a completely different issue than plain unattractiveness is. When a much older man is after me, I worry that he is after me because of a combination of him trying to control me and him trying to turn me into a status symbol. The widest age gap I will date is 10 years, but even then, I've noticed the older the man is the more likely he is to get freaked out when he realizes I am not the type to put up with the man calling all of the shots in the relationship.

[SarahRose]

Gee thanks. So you're basically offended that I would see who hits on me as some reflection on my attractiveness, and yet you're reinforcing that idea. You're offended that you think I'm judging people based on "levels" yet you're affirming that idea. Wow.

 

No, I'm not going to settle for somebody who is twice my age, unattractive and has nothing in common with me in terms of cultural background and education because I don't think I can do any better. I'm young, thin, in shape, educated and decent looking.

 

"If you only judge yourself on your beauty then nobody is gonna want you because to sustain a relationship it takes more then just your looks." Of course I don't only judge myself on that. I have a lot of great qualities, and I've always recognized them. I just know that most men are looks-focused.

 

I think the problem some of the posters have is you are bursting their bubble with the belief that even if they are old, fat, balding short trolls all the hot 20 year olds will throw themselves at them.

 

You are just stating the reality that most young women aren't interested in someone the age of their father who is old and gross.

 

Don't feel bad about your preference because it is YOUR preference.

 

Notice how it is ok to say I don't want to date fatties but if I said I don't want to date gross towel heads, everyone would have a cow saying how racist I am.

[shadowplay]

Im not talking him im talking in general from all your woe is me posts..

 

If anyone would consider you a loser I doubt it's because of your looks, but because you're an adult who writes "u" instead of "you," and because, based on the ridiculous inconsistencies in our brief convo, you IQ seems negligible.

[shadowplay]

I think the problem some of the posters have is you are bursting their bubble with the belief that even if they are old, fat, balding short trolls all the hot 20 year olds will throw themselves at them.

 

Yeah, I get exactly the same sense.

[brainygirl]

What ever the age or racial undertones, its not ok for the guy to be constantly asking her out in a work environment. I don't care who gets offended by the idea, but its just not alright.

 

OP needs to very firmly tell him she isn't interested in dating him and then if he does it again, take it to the general manager. A reputable place wont want to have their waitresses being sexually harassed.

[AD1980]

If anyone would consider you a loser I doubt it's because of your looks, but because you're an adult who writes "u" instead of "you," and because, based on the ridiculous inconsistencies in our brief convo, you IQ seems negligible.

 

I also doubt you cant get Men off of your looks.Its probably the fact your a insecure whackjob who should be institutionalized..

 

Seriously get help..

[shadowplay]

I also doubt you cant get Men off of your looks.Its probably the fact your a insecure whackjob who should be institutionalized..

 

Seriously get help..

 

And if you were a little brighter, you would realize by now that you're one of the last guys whose opinion would matter to me based on your personality and intelligence.

[AD1980]

And if you were a little brighter, you would realize by now that you're one of the last guys whose opinion would matter to me based on your personality and intelligence. Nice try, though.

 

You not only overrate your looks but your intelligence as well..Good luck finding that 10 when youre a stuck up condescneding average looking women getting up in age:)

[shadowplay]

You not only overrate your looks but your intelligence as well..Good luck finding that 10 when youre a stuck up condescneding average looking women getting up in age:)

 

You're right, 26 is "getting up" in age, but 40 isn't "that old."

 

You don't even know what I look like, as the most I've posted on LS in recent years since you joined was a cropped picture of my eyes and hair. And even if you did, I wouldn't care what you think, as you're a loser. If anything, I'd probably be creeped if you found me attractive.

Edited July 30, 2010 by shadowplay

[AD1980]

You're right, 26 is "getting up" in age, but 40 isn't "that old."

 

You don't even know what I look like, as the most I've posted on LS in recent years since you joined was a cropped picture of my eyes and hair. And even if you did, I wouldn't care what you think, as you're a loser. If anything, I'd probably be creeped if you found me attractive.

 

26? If you looked halfway decent at that age good looking dudes would be at your feet..

 

You must be uglier then you sometimes fear deep down:laugh:

[shadowplay]

This thread is reminding me of why LS isn't always productive or helpful, even though there are a number of useful, intelligent posters. There are also a lot of bitter losers who will try to cut others down in order to boost themselves because they feel like crap inside. I guess it just comes with the territory. Too bad we can't have a site weeding. I'll let there comments stand on their own so the mods can go to work.

Edited July 30, 2010 by shadowplay

[O'Malley]

AD1980 -- your comments are actually pointing more at your own issues than the OP's.

 

What ever the age or racial undertones, its not ok for the guy to be constantly asking her out in a work environment. I don't care who gets offended by the idea, but its just not alright.

 

I agree --- and for chrissake's, any 40 year old should be able to figure out, after a few exchanges, if someone is reciprocating his interest. If you have to corner someone, that's usually not a good sign. And it's normal to get irritated when you're a more passive/introverted person and are frustrated by their persistence.

 

So hopefully he's gotten the message; but if he keeps bothering the OP after she's made it clear she's not interested, he needs to be reported.

[carhill]

Getting a word in for the old, bald guys

 

So, how's it going?

 

So you know, most 'old' guys, unless they look in the mirror, which is rare, don't realize they're old when they're viewing a young, nubile lady. Inside, they *feel* like a 20-something little horndog, most of the time forgetting that their d!ck don't even work so good sometimes.

 

Sorry about your issues. The GM or restaurant owner will take care of the horndog for you. My business colleagues get explicit instructions from their lawyers as to how they (or HR, if they own a big company) are supposed to handle these issues. They'll know what to do.

 

If I was only 25 again ....

[Stockalone]

exactly.

 

I think my being insulted says more about my low self esteem and negative cognitions than anything. This is something I'm working on, but I often internalize stuff that I shouldn't. Historically, I could twist almost any scenario into more evidence that I'm not worthy.

 

In a way, I can understand that. You might have been wondering: "Is this what I have to expect in the future, that only guys I don't find attractive are the ones who will show interest in me?" That can be quite a scary thought.

 

It's the "Those I want, don't want me. And those I could have, I don't want" problem.

 

However, I don't understand why this makes you feel insulted. The few women who approached me were not my type at all, yet I never felt insulted. It was more like an annoyance/frustration at the situation (:(why aren't there situations where the attraction is mutual?), but there never was a negative feeling towards the woman who had approached me.

 

When you said you felt insulted, you made it sound like that just by appraoching you (thinking he had a shot), the guy is threatening and devaluing your "beauty/worth" to what you consider his unattractive level.

 

Maybe that kind of thinking is caused by your body disorder. That you react hurt/offended instead of flattered (yet also a bit sad at the same time) might be a way to protect your (currently) low self-esteem.

 

If you had (in your opinion) attractive guys interested in you, your market value (and thus your self-esteem) would be better. You probably wouldn't worry about being considered unattractive then.

 

I don't think you are spoiled rotten princess with entitlement issues, but I am sure you can understand how your comments can be seen. Your post did sound a bit like the "I am ripped, yet those fat cows think I will date them. What makes them think they are my equals?".

 

You already know better than anyone that those thoughts and having this much of your sense of self-worth affected by external validation (or lack therof) isn't good for you.

 

I don't think that feeling insulted this time was horrible or that it makes you a racist. But you should give it some thought, why you felt that way and make sure that it doesn't become an unhealthy habit.

 

 

The original post is classist, ageist and racist. If Javier Bardem asked her out this would be a brag post.

 

Most telling of all, is being " insulted" instead of flattered. I have been hit on by many types, ages, etc, and NEVER have I felt insulted that a man found me attractive and or interesting enough to want to spend more time with me ! Never !!!!!!

 

I agree, shadow's OP does sound bad. But I don't believe that shadow thinks of herself as superior (as a human being) and is being smug about it.

 

Granted, it's possible, but I am not convinced. Still, her feelings (even if they are born out of frustration and self-doubts) are something she needs to monitor and question.

 

 

I havent seen it..

 

Maybe these Men who hit on you[ maybe not this new guy] are acutally *gasp* on your level and u need to accept that and try to find one attractive or be lonely..

 

That might be true or not. But basically all of us are faced with making a decision about what is and what isn't "attractive enough" for us.

 

Everyone could find a partner if they are willing to settle for virtually nothing. That doesn't mean that people should settle.

 

 

Instead of these people blowing fluff up your u know what maybe they should be telling you the cold heart truth and show some tough love that maybe you arent a 8 9 or 10 and should concentrate on the average guys who are near yor level....So what?

 

If you only judge yourself on your beauty then nobody is gonna want you because to sustain a relationship it takes more then just your looks..

 

Shadow already knows that. Within the OP of this thread, she didn't show much progress, but provoking her isn't going to help.

Edited July 30, 2010 by Stockalone

[GordonDarkfoot]

The original post is classist, ageist and racist.

 

 

You forgot "sexist."

[GordonDarkfoot]

I never get asked out. It's not like I'm turning other guys down because I think they're beneath me. He's the only guy who has asked me out in like three years.

 

So why is going out with the guy (or a guy like him) so out of the question?

 

I just don't get that.

 

So what if he's a Hispanic 40 year old dishwasher (or vegetable chopper, or whatever it is he does).

 

I mean it's not like going out on a date with someone means you have to get married to the guy.

 

Now, I'm not saying you should go out with this guy, or that you have to. What I don't understand is why the very idea of it is so upsetting to you.

[SassyKitten]

Now, I'm not saying you should go out with this guy, or that you have to. What I don't understand is why the very idea of it is so upsetting to you.

 

Probably because having a co-worker who is that forward is scary!

[shadowplay]

So why is going out with the guy (or a guy like him) so out of the question?

 

I just don't get that.

 

So what if he's a Hispanic 40 year old dishwasher (or vegetable chopper, or whatever it is he does).

 

I mean it's not like going out on a date with someone means you have to get married to the guy.

 

Now, I'm not saying you should go out with this guy, or that you have to. What I don't understand is why the very idea of it is so upsetting to you.

 

1. I don't find him at all physically attractive.

 

2. He isn't close to my age, which means we're not in the same stage in life.

 

3. As an uneducated guy from another country who barely speaks English he's unlikely to have very much in common with me.

 

Isn't that enough that I'm just not interested in him? Why should I go out with somebody I don't find at all attractive or interesting simply because I haven't been asked out by other guys?

[shadowplay]

So why is going out with the guy (or a guy like him) so out of the question?

 

I just don't get that.

 

So what if he's a Hispanic 40 year old dishwasher (or vegetable chopper, or whatever it is he does).

 

I mean it's not like going out on a date with someone means you have to get married to the guy.

 

Now, I'm not saying you should go out with this guy, or that you have to. What I don't understand is why the very idea of it is so upsetting to you.

 

What's upsetting to me is mostly that he keeps cornering me and asking me out, and now I feel uncomfortable at work.

[GordonDarkfoot]

1. I don't find him at all physically attractive.

 

Yeah OK I get that, so a non-good-looking guy asks you out, big deal. You're acting like if an unattractive guy asks you out is has some deeper meaning than the fact he would just like to go out with you.

 

 

2. He isn't close to my age, which means we're not in the same stage in life.

 

You don't have to go out with anyone you don't want to, but plenty of people go out with other people with 10, 15, or even greater age differences. Again, the point is you're acting like it's a world-ending event that some older dude is attracted to you. Maybe that just means he has "good taste" in women?

 

 

 

3. As an uneducated guy from another country who barely speaks English he's unlikely to have very much in common with me.

 

LOL. You DO realize you're both working in the same restaurant? You might be a waitress and he might be back in the kitchen, but still...

 

In any event so what if you have nothing in common, where is all the shock and awe coming from? I mean the dude is working his butt off as a dishwasher, he flirts with an attractive waitress which is probably just what he does all the time, and (from his point of view), she flirts back.

 

I think you're just making way too big a deal of this whole situation.

 

Maybe it's because as you said earlier, this is the first guy in three years to ask you out, and you're just not used to ANYONE showing interest in you, so you don't know how to respond? Yeah the guy is unattractive, but getting that kind of attention is kind of nice....so you don't say "no" clearly, or actually at all, and now the guy thinks you're flirting/playing hard to get with him.

 

But still it's just not a really big deal at all.

 

How long do you work, six/eight hour shifts? How much time in a given shift do you actually spend interacting with this guy when he's flirting with you? Maybe 5 or ten minutes at most I'll bet--'cause you're both busy working, right?

 

 

 

Isn't that enough that I'm just not interested in him? Why should I go out with somebody I don't find at all attractive or interesting simply because I haven't been asked out by other guys?

 

You shouldn't go out with him if you don't want, but that doesn't mean you should react so offended that the guy wanted to go out with you.

 

Really, a simple "No thank you, I'm not interested" would have sufficed. If you need to get stronger then say "No thanks, I don't poo where I eat" which he'll understand; and if you need to be stronger still, next time he does it, pick up a meat cleaver, look him straight in the eye, and say: "Get out of my face now or I will part you from your cojones."

 

He'll get the message.

[GordonDarkfoot]

What's upsetting to me is mostly that he keeps cornering me and asking me out, and now I feel uncomfortable at work.

 

From his viewpoint you're just playing "hard to get." Because you had a couple of opportunities to shut this down at the beginning and you didn't--I suspect that you didn't like the guy at all but on some level, you liked the attention you were getting.

 

But this guy isn't some white bread American high school or college boy that you can wrap around your little finger, or intimidate with any feminist rant; he's some 40 year old latino dude who doesn't care if some waitress smacks him the face or gets offended or calls him a "sexist."

 

But he is also an adult human being, as some others have tried to point out to you in this thread.

 

I suggest that you try acting like one yourself, and try to treat him as one too, and not a scared "little girl" who does not take responsibility for her actions.

 

If this guy is "cornering you" (whatever that means) then you should have already reported these "incidents" to the manager IMMEDIATELY. If you DID NOT then again from his perspective you are simply playing "hard to get."

 

Seriously, when this guy has gotten into your personal space, have you ever simply said "Get the f*ck away from me *sshole," then go about your bidness?

 

Like I said you're in the adult world now honey.