5 Common Happiness Mistakes: 'Boosters' That Do More Harm Than Good

[Ilovecake]

This is a blog from the huffington post. Hopefully it will help some people stop wallowing in their misery and finally make their own hapiness.

 

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

 

Everyone has a few tricks for beating the blues -- things you do when you're feeling down to try to boost your mood. I've found out from long experience, however, that several of the most popular strategies don't actually work very well in the long term. Beware if you're tempted to try any of the following:

1. Comforting yourself with a "treat." Often, the things we choose as "treats" aren't good for us. (That's why they're treats! We usually restrain ourselves!) The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt, loss of control and other negative consequences just deepen the lousiness of the day. So when you find yourself thinking, "I'll feel better after I have a few more beers ... a pint of ice cream ... a cigarette ... a new pair of jeans," ask yourself -- will it REALLY make you feel better? It might make you feel worse. In particular, beware of...

2. Letting yourself off the hook. When I'm feeling down, I feel tempted to let myself off the hook, to think, "I'll allow myself to skip the gym today, I need a break." In fact, sticking to a resolution does more to boost my sense of self-esteem and self-control. (Plus, exercise itself boosts my happiness.) So NOT letting yourself off the hook might do more to boost your happiness. At the end of a bad day, you can say, "Well, at least I went to the gym/finished that horrible report/took my dog to the dog park."

3. Retreating to your sofa. Studies show that extroverts and introverts alike get a mood boost from connecting with other people. Although it can be tempting to isolate yourself when you're feeling blue, you're better off making plans with friends or family.

4. Expressing your negative emotions. Many people believe in the "catharsis hypothesis" and think that expressing anger by yelling, throwing things, punching pillows, slamming doors, cursing, etc. is healthy minded and relieves their feelings. Not so. Studies show that aggressively expressing anger only aggravates it; as Plutarch observed, "Anger, while in its beginning, often can be ended by silence, or neglect." I've certainly found this to be true; once I start yelling, I can whip myself into a fury. There are situations, of course, when my anger is a sign of a real problem that needs attention; I find that making sure that I express myself calmly means that I feel less riled up -- and, added bonus, that approach also elicits a better response from others.

5. Staying in your pajamas all day. One of the most helpful things I've learned in my happiness research is that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. As improbable as this sounds, it really works. Sometimes it can be fun to hang out in your sweats all day, but if you're feeling lethargic, powerless or directionless, not getting dressed may make you feel worse. Put on your clothes so you feel prepared for whatever the day might offer. While you're at it, make your bed.

 

 

* Today, I got out of my pajamas and away from my sofa to meet the writer Alice Bradley, of the famous Finslippy blog. She is as funny in person as on her blog! Which is high praise.

* It's Word-of-Mouth Day, when I gently encourage (or, you might think, pester) you to spread the word about the Happiness Project. You might:

-- Link to a post on Twitter (follow me @gretchenrubin)

-- Sign up for my free monthly newsletter (about 46,000 people get it)

[This Hurts]

I am guilty of all of these, especially 5, but I'm confused about that one.

 

For example, today I didn't have any plans, so I got up, showered, and then changed into another pair of pajamas. I do it mostly because it's more comfortable. I do this every day I don't have plans. Does that count? It sounds terrible now that I'm typing it out...

[Ilovecake]

I think what they mean is that if you get dressed you're more likely to go out and live your life on the other hand if you just stay in your PJs you'll sit at home and wallow in your misery. Taking action to get out of the house will make you happier in the long run than spending all day in your PJs.

 

Actually #5 is my favorite because of this line: although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. This is so true and most people do not believe it.

Edited July 30, 2010 by Ilovecake

[quankanne]

I think what the author meant was that if you're in a mental slump, hiding behind food, bad behavior and dragging around in jammies all day just reinforces that slump.

 

TH, what you're describing is something that you do out of the norm. My thing to do on weekends is to run around in pajama bottoms and a T-shirt – even if I'm cleaning house or cooking or sewing or even reading, because it's rather decadent treat after having to dress up for work all week. Okay ... it also aids and abets my inner slob, but I'm sticking to the first story :laugh:

 

I believe the smartest thing a person can do to get out of a mental rut is to seriously consider what blessings they've experienced – even those that are seemingly insignificant – because it forces him/her to look past the pain or misery or hurt they're stuck in. You know: Circumvent the stinkin' thinkin'.

[Shakz]

These are actually Cardinal Sins.

[Phateless]

Can you link to the article?