Summergirl81 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I have recently separated from my husband and we're planning on getting a divorce in the future. Recently, I have reconnected with an old friend (?) from another province through emails & chatting. I have been attracted to this man for as long as I've known him, which is almost 8 years now, but the timing just never seemed to work out between us. I'm either in a relationship or he is. Well now after all these years he wants to meet for the first time to spend a weekend together camping. He & I will meet at a halfway point between our home towns & go camping for the weekend. The problem I have is I don't know how to tell him that I've contracted genital herpes from a previous relationship. I feel ashamed about this disease, and I don't know how to tell him about it. I'm lucky because it's not a major issue for me, last time I got it was a year ago, and I rarely ever have to deal with. But I don't know if I should wait to tell him in person, or tell him online?? I feel like it's such a personal matter and I'd rather say it in person. But I don't want him to drive 15hrs expecting to have a great weekend then find out about it & just be disappointed. If someone could shed light on this situation it'd be greatly appreciated. Has someone been in similar situation before? thanks.
2sure Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Yes, about 1/4 of the population over 35 has had this problem as you know. Sadly, most of them never have these conversations at all. The conversation is the worst and most uncomfortable part of the disease. So, a lot of people dont tell anyone first or contract it and never know it until they have passed it on to someone else. For all you know, he HAS it too. But the conversation has to be had. Before sex. So - you have to decide when that is going to be. You might consider that since you have not been in a relationship with this old friend , that you are not obligated yet to have sex OR the conversation. Enjoy yourselves as old friends, enjoy the trip, and tell him then. Of course - if you are positive he is expecting sex through any of your own words or actions ...you have to tell him before the trip.
Guitarjeff Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Agree, if you think he is expecting sex, then don't make him drive all that way with that intense expectation only to have such a heavy thing heaped upon him after he's already there. Just tell him up front and send him to a couple web sites so that he can be informed about it exactly so he knows what he is getting in to. You wouldn't want to start off on the wrong foot with this man, would you? Honesty is the best policy!! That's an old saying for a reason, because it's TRUE!! He can still use protection can't he? There you go. You definitely don't want to start this off by keeping something so important from him, and think how good you will feel if he understands and is willing to work around it and face it together, think of the relief you will feel?
Author Summergirl81 Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 thanks alot you guys. I think I will tell him before we meet, at least that way, he would've had time to digest the news & make proper decision about what to do (if any). It would hurt if he rejects me, but it will be a huge relief too if he still agrees to meet after I tell him the truth. I'm just worried about losing a great guy before things even begun but I guess I'll also really know what type of person he is right?? I don't want to be with someone anyways who shrinks away at the first sign of complication. I want a man who will stand by me no matter what, because that's what I'm offering them. Wish me luck guys.
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