jen_r Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 So, I sent a small email to my ex yesterday morning asking him to just consider taking a serious break from each other and calming down from all the bull***** and meeting up in a few weeks for dinner and talk for real. He didn't respond, so later that night I sent another email "The feeling of rejection from someone I care so deeply about feel greats, lemme tell ya." He responded with "Jen Im sorry but you havent been able to not contact me for one day, you need to back off! Like I said, if its meant to be let it go and it will come back, if not - it wasnt meant to be." I haven't tried to contact him at all today (although it is only 2pm lol). But I did write out an email that I want to send. So the question is, do I just send it now? I mean screw it right - what have I got to lose? Or do I wait a few days and send it? The email basically says that "this is the last time I'm going to ask you for a second chance otherwise I'm just going to turn my back on you and disappear from your life." But I go on to say that ..."by turning my back on you I am in no way going to fall out of love with you." And that I guess he hasn't truly loved someone in the way I love him - in that I look past things that urk me about him because he is so dear to my heart that it doesn't matter. So, now or later? Don't say never cause that bitch is getting sent! haha. I just want to know...if giving him some space will really make him sit down and REALLY read this.
GorillaTheater Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Without reading your back story and going by this post alone, I've got to say that, if I was your ex, I'd be a little crazy and annoyed. First, you want to take a "serious break" from each other. The SAME DAY, you let him have it for your "feeling rejected". Then, he gets this email saying that he has to give you a second chance NOW. Honestly, I'd be scratching my head wondering if you're worth the drama. Since you're determined to send this "last" email in any event, wait at least a month. Let the guy breathe a little.
wrencn Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 You are pushing him away. Leave him be and let him miss you. So send it later, much much later. By then you won't care anymore.
Author jen_r Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Without reading your back story and going by this post alone, I've got to say that, if I was your ex, I'd be a little crazy and annoyed. First, you want to take a "serious break" from each other. The SAME DAY, you let him have it for your "feeling rejected". Then, he gets this email saying that he has to give you a second chance NOW. Honestly, I'd be scratching my head wondering if you're worth the drama. Since you're determined to send this "last" email in any event, wait at least a month. Let the guy breathe a little. Im worth it lol. Not but really, I keep putting my heart out there to him only to get ignored. Thats why I sent the "rejection" email. I'd never ignore him, ever, even if the roles were reversed. You are pushing him away. Leave him be and let him miss you. So send it later, much much later. By then you won't care anymore. I'll never stop caring. But, I will wait a few days to send it - as hard as it will be.
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Just leave him alone. You can't go one day without begging him? You "lol" about it so you obviously don't understand what he thinks every time he gets a message from you. You're the "crazy" ex-girlfriend! Why do you want someone who clearly does not want you?
Author jen_r Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Just leave him alone. You can't go one day without begging him? You "lol" about it so you obviously don't understand what he thinks every time he gets a message from you. You're the "crazy" ex-girlfriend! Why do you want someone who clearly does not want you? He has driven me into this state of "crazy" ex gf. I'm not begging him everyday, I'm asking simple questions that are goign unanswered and I deserve answers. You don't know the things that have gone down between us. The LEAST I want from him is to sit down and have him talk in a mature manure and tell me wtf went wrong and why he has chosen to treat me in the manner he has when I had done nothing wrong. The most I want - for him to reconsider his decision because his decision was made through the threat of his family - it isn't something he necessarily wanted to do.
collegemommy Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I would be the person to say don't send it, ever. I was the "crazy" ex-girlfriend and I sent message after message, text after text... while we eventually worked things out, at the time I was doing all this, it was driving him insane and he wasn't interested in listening to me anymore. He began just deleting anything with my name on it. Finally, I wrote a really long, heartfelt email. I sent it to a friend instead of sending it to him. For a week, I stopped carrying on to him and would only send things to the friend. He started contacting me when the tons of correspondence stopped. My advice is to sit on the email for at least 30 days. In 30 days, if you have kept your distance from him but still feel the need to send it then by all means do so. Chances are, in 30 days, sending that email won't be that important... The 30 days gives you the opportunity to really evaluate what you are saying without the emotions you're feeling now. I know it hurts to feel rejected and you're so full of emotion that you feel the need to lash out at him, but please refrain from doing so. If you truly want a second chance with this guy, demanding that he give you a second chance isn't going to go well at all...
GorillaTheater Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 He has driven me into this state of "crazy" ex gf. I'm not begging him everyday, I'm asking simple questions that are goign unanswered and I deserve answers. You don't know the things that have gone down between us. The LEAST I want from him is to sit down and have him talk in a mature manure and tell me wtf went wrong and why he has chosen to treat me in the manner he has when I had done nothing wrong. The most I want - for him to reconsider his decision because his decision was made through the threat of his family - it isn't something he necessarily wanted to do. No, you've made yourself the crazy ex. I see that he broke up with you in December, yet you are still pursuing with a vengeance. He treats you shabbily, yet you still demand a second chance. You talk about wanting to take a break from each other, when in his view you both did that seven months ago. You demand an explanation for what happened, arguing that you have a right to know when in fact no such right exists since he has no obligation to give you an explanation. This IS crazy, and for your own well-being you have to stop. You have to let him go and get busy living your own life. You've given this guy way too much space in your head for way too long. Just stop.
Author jen_r Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 No, you've made yourself the crazy ex. I see that he broke up with you in December, yet you are still pursuing with a vengeance. He treats you shabbily, yet you still demand a second chance. You talk about wanting to take a break from each other, when in his view you both did that seven months ago. You demand an explanation for what happened, arguing that you have a right to know when in fact no such right exists since he has no obligation to give you an explanation. This IS crazy, and for your own well-being you have to stop. You have to let him go and get busy living your own life. You've given this guy way too much space in your head for way too long. Just stop. We got back together in february after I moved out. Things between US are great, IMO - it is when his family butts in and make threats to him that stirs up ***** between us and he pulls away from me. I am going to scroll back on contacting him, but I am not going to give up on trying to make things work.
Author jen_r Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I would be the person to say don't send it, ever. I was the "crazy" ex-girlfriend and I sent message after message, text after text... while we eventually worked things out, at the time I was doing all this, it was driving him insane and he wasn't interested in listening to me anymore. He began just deleting anything with my name on it. Finally, I wrote a really long, heartfelt email. I sent it to a friend instead of sending it to him. For a week, I stopped carrying on to him and would only send things to the friend. He started contacting me when the tons of correspondence stopped. My advice is to sit on the email for at least 30 days. In 30 days, if you have kept your distance from him but still feel the need to send it then by all means do so. Chances are, in 30 days, sending that email won't be that important... The 30 days gives you the opportunity to really evaluate what you are saying without the emotions you're feeling now. I know it hurts to feel rejected and you're so full of emotion that you feel the need to lash out at him, but please refrain from doing so. If you truly want a second chance with this guy, demanding that he give you a second chance isn't going to go well at all... How did you two end up reconciling? He contacted you looking for a second chance? Or he just contacted you to see what you were up to because you were being distant?
GorillaTheater Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 We got back together in february after I moved out. Things between US are great, IMO - it is when his family butts in and make threats to him that stirs up ***** between us and he pulls away from me. I am going to scroll back on contacting him, but I am not going to give up on trying to make things work. You may want to rethink the bolded part, but in any event my advice stands. But good luck, whatever you choose to do.
collegemommy Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 We got back together in february after I moved out. Things between US are great, IMO - it is when his family butts in and make threats to him that stirs up ***** between us and he pulls away from me. I am going to scroll back on contacting him, but I am not going to give up on trying to make things work. I can tell you're angry and hurt over all of this... I'm sorry you're having a rough time! I really do hope that things work out between the two of you. Please, please, please, stop contacting him. It's not helping the situation and it's only ruining your chances of working out the relationship. I know you don't think that right now but it's true... Take time to live your life and stop focusing on his. You may even find that being with him isn't what you really want anyway...
Author jen_r Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 You may want to rethink the bolded part, but in any event my advice stands. But good luck, whatever you choose to do. No, they are. When there are no outside forces breathing down his neck we get along great. I think he is just trying to fully end things and make me hate him so that I will move on because he feels he ultimately has no choice - because its me or his family.
collegemommy Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 How did you two end up reconciling? He contacted you looking for a second chance? Or he just contacted you to see what you were up to because you were being distant? Umm.. He had wanted a second chance but I told him no and then we started hanging out as friends again and gave it another go. Just keep in mind that we do have a daughter together so we had to stay in contact for her sake. Check out some of my threads...it pretty much explains everything and shows how crazy I was.
Author jen_r Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Umm.. He had wanted a second chance but I told him no and then we started hanging out as friends again and gave it another go. Just keep in mind that we do have a daughter together so we had to stay in contact for her sake. Check out some of my threads...it pretty much explains everything and shows how crazy I was. I will read some of your threads...maybe they will help. Thanks.
OutOnALimb Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Don't send it. You appear strong one minute, but you're showing your weakness the next. If he's asked you to back off, do exactly that. Also, his comment about "if we're meant to be, we will be..." I believe that. But I think it's a way to buy some time away from you when he says it. Back off completely! If he cares he'll notice and do what ever he has to to keep you in his life.
Author jen_r Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Don't send it. You appear strong one minute, but you're showing your weakness the next. If he's asked you to back off, do exactly that. Also, his comment about "if we're meant to be, we will be..." I believe that. But I think it's a way to buy some time away from you when he says it. Back off completely! If he cares he'll notice and do what ever he has to to keep you in his life. When and where have I appeared strong? haha. I have been a mess and haven't even attempted to act like I am okay during this time. But I agree with that "if it was meant to be" thing, I think he only is saying that so that I will back off - his mind seems already made up that it's not meant to be - His family has drilled that into his head one too many times, i would start to believe it too at some point.
boosh Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I haven't read your original posts about your situation so I don't know the details, but I'm going through a situation right now that I want to contact my ex everyday, seemingly everytime I get on the computer, especially since I decided to go NC after we had a string of about 5 back and forth emails that started off friendly and apologetic on my terms and ended up somewhat nasty from her and me pleading, AKA not good. It's so extremely hard to not talk to the person you love and want to hash things out with when you're mind is telling you to do so otherwise, but it does get easier after a few days on NC. Represent our great city of Boston, and hang tough.
RedDevil66 Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Well I can tell you this, you're doing EVERYTHING right..........if you want to lose him for good. This is not about him, but about your lack of control, or impulse control. You are telling him you want a break and that this will be the last time only to get a reaction out of him. Men love nothing more than a needy woman. If you want him to love you again, gain some dignity and leave him alone. You are pushing him away and not towards.
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