leon2020 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Hello my names leon in 20 years old and looking for some advice. heres the story im not the best at explaiing things but here goes. ok my gf has recently broke up with me after 11 months together. Our relationship was near perfect only the odd lil arguements over things that really meant nothing. apart from that we were really loved up together always spending time together with her daughter (who is not mine ) i was always kissing and cuddling her telling her how much she meant to me and how much i loved her and she was doing the same to me. now the reason she says we need to break up is that she has problems going on in her head and she needs time to sort them out before she can have a relationship. She also says that i deserve better and all she would do is mess with my head which she would not and has not done! she has told me that i am the most kind and caring person she has ever met and that she does love me which is why shes letting me go. i just cant live my life without her i feel so depressed i keep rembering all our good times together. And it just feels like she doesnt care almost as if shes happy now that we have broke up i really need advice on what steps i should take next to get her back do i keep pestering her or leave her for a while? also she has gpt back with me on previous occasions its just this time it doesnt seem like she will! please help me im so lost an confused
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I'm afraid it's time to take a step back, go NC and let things pass as they will. if she maintains she's broken up with you because she's messed up her head - but it seems to you that she's happier now you're apart, AND it feels different to to other times - then I think you should take it as read, that she means it. You say you're depressed...I get it.... But (and I know this may hurt...) the fact that she seems happier now you're split - could it be that maybe you were contributing to her messed-up head more than you think? You've put this split on her shoulders.... But what do you think you might have contributed to this happening? it takes 2 to tango.... I'll tell you why I ask.... We had someone come on here who had been dumped by their SO... and we got one side of the story which made the SO sound pretty messed up, callous, cruel and unfeeling. Then, this SO somehow found the thread, came in and put their side. And what a different picture we all got! So I'm aware, more and more, how we only ever get one side of the story... If your ex- were to come in now - what do you feel she might say about this?
Author leon2020 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 no honestly i have not done anything towards her this just came out of the blue! she said due to a bad experience in a previous relationship shes scared it will happen again! im just so confused i would do anything for her and never do anything to mess her head up
Jemay Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 no honestly i have not done anything towards her this just came out of the blue! she said due to a bad experience in a previous relationship shes scared it will happen again! im just so confused i would do anything for her and never do anything to mess her head up What does she say will happen? There could be so many reasons why she broke up with you and I'm not sure she gave you the honest reason. Best to move on even if it is hard..... when you get into a situation of trying to get her back, her resisting, but maybe even coming back, etc, etc..... a situation like that will normally not turn out well. Best to move on and deal with the heart break instead of extending the emotional pain.
Author leon2020 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 its just so hard im only a young guy and this was my first major relationship and its hit me really hard. shes contacted me a few times but only to ask how family and stuff is.
Jemay Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I'm sure it won't be the last time either you have to work through a bit of heart ache. It's no fun but when you move on and deal with a break-up in a mature way, you start feeling better soon. Don't drag it out, it'll just be harder on you. In a few weeks (if you move on) things will look a lot brighter and you'll meet someone else! We all go through this at some point in our lifes, you'll be fine xx
Author leon2020 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 but say there was a chance she would get back with me what steps do i need to take now do i not contact her?
DustySaltus Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I'm sorry but i'm almost 99% sure she probably went back to the child's father. The best thing for you to do is to listen to Tara's advice and stay in NC.
Jemay Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 but say there was a chance she would get back with me what steps do i need to take now do i not contact her? When a girl breaks up with someone, they usually mean it, Leon. If she cared for you as much as you seem to care she would not have broken things off.... if you had done something to upset her, I'd say buy flowers, write a note to her, say sorry, etc. but in this case leaving her be and moving on is probably best. If she does for some reason wants to get back together then let her make the first move. You're young, you'll get over this quickly!
cleverpartner Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 First things first, You need to calm down, and know that what you think now is NOT rational. If she is telling you that she is letting you go because she loves you, there IS a problem, that you might not be aware of, and so it seems from your explanation. You sound like you care for her quite a bit and have an emotional attachment, which is normal, however, you are only hurting yourself if you continue down this path. By this I mean, on and off relationships are like a broken record, one day it wont play anymore. She has a problem that she thinks will affect you negatively, so she made a choice to take the problem in her own hands and let you have a better life (her choice, not yours). Even if you do get her to come back in your life, whatever she did not want you to get involved with, is still there, unless she comes out and tell you straight up what it was and how she dealt with it, you might want to heed her warning and let her go. I have seen similar situations where a friend thought his girlfriend was just over reacting, and she wasn't, some things are just better left alone and move on. Take your time, get your grief out, and take a month or two to only think about the future you want to have, outside of your depressed state. Think of how many women out there, that are looking for the attention you have to give and the support you have to offer. Its not the end of the road, it is a new beginning, just take some time out to know yourself and remember that you are the only one living your life, and you alone, and you only got one chance. Hope this helps.
spriggig Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 (edited) ...Our relationship was near perfect only the odd lil arguements over things that really meant nothing. Correction, they meant nothing to you. You may not know what they meant to her--she may not have told you the half of how important those things were. Just because the nagging stops, doesn't mean the problem is resolved. She also says that i deserve better and all she would do is mess with my head which she would not and has not done! This MIGHT mean that she's done something she feels guilty about but hasn't told you. My wife was cheating, before I found out she said this same thing to me--and my response was the same as yours. I'm not saying yours was cheating, just that she might feel guilty about something. All of this is water under the bridge. Reflect, try to recognize whatever mistakes you made and learn from them. Then move on. Edited July 30, 2010 by spriggig
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