smk Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 It just been a really s**t*y night and day so far... couldnt sleep (again), couldnt stop thinking about her, mood swings are all over the place, am irritable, cant stop thinking of her, everywhere I look i keep on getting reminders of her, then I think I am fine one second, and then bang I am back to darkness... I just want the roller coaster to end, I just want to get on with my life, why cant it just stop.... (sorry peeps - just needed to let it out...
This Hurts Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I'm on the same boat as you in a way, dude. I started NC again a few days ago and usually I'm fine with it. For some reason NC isn't hard for me; I think it's cause I actually WANT to move on so badly. However, since I started NC again, I've been dreaming about her every night and it f*cks with me terribly. Because now I wake up and for sure, she's the first thing on my mind, since I just dreamed about her, and of course it doesn't bring good feelings. I'm f*cking tired of waking up EVERY MORNING to a terrible thought of her. I hate her so much for all of this sh*t, it's ridiculous. Yeah, the dreams make me want to break NC (for some odd reason, 'cause they're not even good dreams), but most of all I just hate her for making me go through this in the first place. I don't deserve to go through this sh*t, and I DEFINITELY didn't deserve everything she f*cking did to me. I feel like killing someone /Rant over
bonpaw2008 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Harsh post ahead.....YOU have to stop it. Dude she quit you and you are still giving her all this power over you! If she was that great and the one you guys would still be together! She is not great, she isn't pining for you, putting you up on a pedestal, thinking about you all the time. It's time to pull up the big girl panties and start the moving on process. You need to find something else to take up your brain matter and time. She will creep back in now and then, think about her, but don't dwell. Everytime you think about something, say "that was a great time, but I know it will be better with someone that loves me back". Hate to see you reeling like this, we all are, but I know you can get out of this hole, you just have to do it yourself.
Author smk Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I'm on the same boat as you in a way, dude. I started NC again a few days ago and usually I'm fine with it. For some reason NC isn't hard for me; I think it's cause I actually WANT to move on so badly. However, since I started NC again, I've been dreaming about her every night and it f*cks with me terribly. Because now I wake up and for sure, she's the first thing on my mind, since I just dreamed about her, and of course it doesn't bring good feelings. I'm f*cking tired of waking up EVERY MORNING to a terrible thought of her. I hate her so much for all of this sh*t, it's ridiculous. Yeah, the dreams make me want to break NC (for some odd reason, 'cause they're not even good dreams), but most of all I just hate her for making me go through this in the first place. I don't deserve to go through this sh*t, and I DEFINITELY didn't deserve everything she f*cking did to me. I feel like killing someone /Rant over I am on day 18 of NC and TBH i think the main reason I am sticking to it is because I dont even know what I would say to her if I phoned her.... Yesterday I was doing really well all day, and then all of a sudden it was like I crashed.... I have dreams, and with or without them she is generally the last thing on my mind, some days its good things other days bad things, and even that I can get on with, like even now i just cant explain why i feel so gloomy, i know its someway related to the break (or at least I think) but i just cannot seem to get out of it... And to make matters worse the not being able to sleep or getting 2/3 hours a night is really not making things any easier. Its just a complete emptiness, and hollowness, like I am here but not here if it makes sense.... I literally feel like i am hollow inside, like a dark empty void and i really dont want to be here...
Author smk Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Harsh post ahead.....YOU have to stop it. Dude she quit you and you are still giving her all this power over you! If she was that great and the one you guys would still be together! She is not great, she isn't pining for you, putting you up on a pedestal, thinking about you all the time. It's time to pull up the big girl panties and start the moving on process. You need to find something else to take up your brain matter and time. She will creep back in now and then, think about her, but don't dwell. Everytime you think about something, say "that was a great time, but I know it will be better with someone that loves me back". Hate to see you reeling like this, we all are, but I know you can get out of this hole, you just have to do it yourself. I know - I was here yesterday telling everyone the same thing... I really want to get out of this hole, and today I seem to have hit a new low - one I have not felt before... I am hoping that it just passes - I am at this point where as I said NC doesnt bother me - yes I do have some moments where I cant to call her, but I stick to my guns and dont.... Yet today I just cant explain what I am feeling..
bonpaw2008 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I'm f*cking tired of waking up EVERY MORNING to a terrible thought of her. I hate her so much for all of this sh*t, it's ridiculous. Yeah, the dreams make me want to break NC (for some odd reason, 'cause they're not even good dreams), but most of all I just hate her for making me go through this in the first place. I don't deserve to go through this sh*t, and I DEFINITELY didn't deserve everything she f*cking did to me. I feel like killing someone /Rant over Exactly where I am at, I ****ing hate him for doing this to me, lying to me, if he ever loved me he wouldn't have quit me. I didn't deserve any of this BS. I was never anything but good to him. **** them, **** all of them!!!
cookie2 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 It's time to pull up the big girl panties Ooh yeah. The mojo's back :D:D
Author smk Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Ooh yeah. The mojo's back :D:D LOL - you lucky S.O.B. mine on the other hand seems to have vanished into a black hole (no pun intended) and is lost in the universe somewhere.,.
Username37 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 It just been a really s**t*y night and day so far... couldnt sleep (again), couldnt stop thinking about her, mood swings are all over the place, am irritable, cant stop thinking of her, everywhere I look i keep on getting reminders of her, then I think I am fine one second, and then bang I am back to darkness... I just want the roller coaster to end, I just want to get on with my life, why cant it just stop.... (sorry peeps - just needed to let it out... It's alright smk, let everything out man. We're all ears....actually we're all eyes (bad joke of the day) haha Then get on with your life. It's up to you man. It's your life and your decision to get up and do something. You don't have to date or jump into anything. Find a hobby or go on a REAL roller coaster! When your down. Come to the Loveshack. We got your back
cookie2 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 LOL - you lucky S.O.B. mine on the other hand seems to have vanished into a black hole (no pun intended) and is lost in the universe somewhere.,. Have you tried the sexual & reproductive health and practices forum? Just 3 below "Coping"
bonpaw2008 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Have you tried the sexual & reproductive health and practices forum? Just 3 below "Coping" LMAO made me look
This Hurts Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I am on day 18 of NC and TBH i think the main reason I am sticking to it is because I dont even know what I would say to her if I phoned her.... Yesterday I was doing really well all day, and then all of a sudden it was like I crashed.... I have dreams, and with or without them she is generally the last thing on my mind, some days its good things other days bad things, and even that I can get on with, like even now i just cant explain why i feel so gloomy, i know its someway related to the break (or at least I think) but i just cannot seem to get out of it... And to make matters worse the not being able to sleep or getting 2/3 hours a night is really not making things any easier. Its just a complete emptiness, and hollowness, like I am here but not here if it makes sense.... I literally feel like i am hollow inside, like a dark empty void and i really dont want to be here... I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with your story. It says your join date is June, so I guess it's been a month for you? It gets so much better after the first month, trust me. The first month was absolute hell for me; I cringe just thinking about it. I could not function AT ALL, I was in complete and total turmoil. I didn't understand what was going on, my grades dropped terribly, I couldn't get enough of weed, alcohol, pretty much anything I could get my hands on, I broke NC every few days and she would just tell me things to hurt me whenever I did. I told the world a secret I had kept for over a decade, which I guess ultimately is a good thing, but that just goes to show how much desperation I was in. I needed help. I didn't know from who, for what, I just needed something. It was honestly the worst month of my life. You seem to be doing so much better than how I was my first month. Things get a lot better, just keep going and before you know it, it'll be 3 months, then 6, and so on. Exactly where I am at, I ****ing hate him for doing this to me, lying to me, if he ever loved me he wouldn't have quit me. I didn't deserve any of this BS. I was never anything but good to him. **** them, **** all of them!!! Right?! I feel an underlying pain from it all, like I'm just sincerely hurt by what she's done and the situation in general, but above that is miles of raging anger. I hate her so much, it's maniacal. I wish I could lock her up in a building and blow her up... but I don't want to break NC :lmao:
Author smk Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 USERNAME - Today for some reason I just cannot pick myself up – its seriously a whole new low… Been focusing on the running, training hard, working out, gave up smoking, basically I figured I would really just make sure I have things to do, and I had actually been doing quite well, I could feel that with each day I was making progress. Given some days I went back a little bit, but that would last for a while and then I would keep going forward again, but today I just cannot seem to do it. The emptiness and hollowness just seems to grow. And the worst part of it is that I am not so much thinking about her but my life as a whole. I am not in the state of mind that because I am alone I am down, its just one of those weird days. I am just trying not to lose focus and basically pouring out all my thoughts here on LS in the hope that if I get them out then the feeling will go… I honestly don’t even want to contemplate where I would be without LS today…. This Hurts – My story in a nutshell – never believed in Love, relationships, etc… met my ex – started dating, fell head over heels in love, she asked me to move in, I did, we talked marriage, kids, growing old, first house, really strong connection, everything was going perfect. Now we are both of a different race (me south Asian – her Mediterranean) – before I move in her dad is supposedly cool with me – has no qualms, and is happy she has met someone she wants to settle down with, after I move in things change – he starts giving her grief, and basically one day flips out and says to her she needs to pick between her family and me – if she chooses me then he will disown her and never speak to her again – she has always sought his approval and once before she went through the same situation and he did stop speaking to her but they broke up and he started speaking to her after. Anyways she made the choice and we broke up – she wouldn’t give me a chance to at least speak to him and voice my feelings, (he had never met me), she basically said she knew no matter what he would not accept me and she then turned stone cold from there. I basically then moved right back out, and that was 6 weeks ago – have been NC for 16 maybe 17 days now, and had been making slow progress. But today as I said to USER is the worst low I have felt…the first few weeks were terrible for me, the break made me realise that I had a lot of issues deep down from my childhood too, and I started seeing a therapist. But the first month I hit the bottle pretty much every night, stopped looking after myself, still having lots of trouble sleeping – am trying not to take pills, still drinking heavily on the weekends going to try not too at the weekend. Have basically cried more in the last 6 weeks then my entire life till date… and the kicker is that she works for a company in which I am a shareholder (but I never go there)… Cookie – LOL – I don’t think I am quite ready to visit that forum yet… Bon – thanks for the boot up the backside - did make me feel a little better…
bonpaw2008 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I wish I could lock her up in a building and blow her up... but I don't want to break NC :lmao: Maybe you can have a friend kidnap her so you don't break it, but you can push the plunger ....get a really big building so we can put them all in there
Treasa Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Are you journaling every day? I don't mean the stuff you post here, I mean the stuff you write just for yourself. How many miles have you run so far today? Have you called a friend or loved one lately to talk?
Author smk Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Are you journaling every day? I don't mean the stuff you post here, I mean the stuff you write just for yourself. How many miles have you run so far today? Have you called a friend or loved one lately to talk? I havent journalled in a couple of weeks - I need to get back on it.... I have been really bad today, I normally run in the evening after work, but today I went out with a few of guys from work for a couple of drinks before coming home... I tried phoning a couple of friends today, no one answered their phones I didnt want to leave a voicemail..
IsItMeOrHer Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Hiya SMK, Bonpaw, etc... I'm on the same page. To simply ignore the feelings... to try to convince yourself that they don't exist, or don't matter... That S/He does not matter... because "you're focused on you." And~~ feeling miserable. And then to slip into the realization that perhaps it's you who doesn't matter. Anymore. -- To the self-absorbed, curiously, maddeningly @#^%@#% unrepentent Her/Him. Wow! Yeah! That sucks. I'm actually going on a trip in the next few days to try to get away. I'd given up my initially-planned summer vacation to accommodate a close friend's wedding... consoling myself with a planned trip to see HER family this autumn... and now that THAT won't be happening... I'm trying to get outta Dodge for a week on my own. The sh***y part is: while I've done a LOT of traveling on my own, I don't know if I'm feelin' the Solo Adventure right now. Some days I think: "Yeah! Can't wait to run around on vacation!!" Other days (like today... having just attended a friend's wedding): "I can't handle it. I'm lonely and depressed now. I'm going to be lonely and depressed on vacation. -- Almost in exile!" And I almost want to contact her to say how sh***y I think her behavior was. I have to deal with her at work, at least occasionally (works for another organization I deal with ... less, these days). This was Day 9 for NC-regarding-relationship-stuff... else I've been completely professional in her presence, at work, and not initiated any communication whatever. (FWIW, I may cut this up and put a bit of it in the NC-post-here thread.)
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