qinboxmail Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 So here is the story. I met this girl few years ago but haven't talked to her for awhile. I started to talk to her and well started to like her since last week. I told her that I like her and would like to be her boyfriend. She told me that another guy likes her since March. She says she wants to have time to get to know me better. The other guy lives an hour away from her and he visits her once a while (weekends). He is 10 years older than her. He talks to her a lot on the phone and online. So she wants to know me and the other guy better. How do I win her heart over the other guy? Please give me some tips. Thanks
zengirl Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Honestly, I've never heard of a situation like that working out. It seems odd to me to actually come out and tell you that you have specific competition. Maybe it was her way of saying she's just seeing you to fill in the time, but she's really hung up on him? I don't think there's ever really a way to "win" a person and I think those who look at dating as some kind of competition (Am I "better" than the other contestants?) is missing the point or engaging in people who have unhealthy relationships that will most likely blow up eventually. Relationships are about two people who are right for each other (compatibility/attraction), ready for each other, want the same things, and are ready to do the work. The only part of that equation you can control is knowing/being honest about who you are, getting yourself ready for the relationship you want, and doing the work. But I have kind of weird thoughts sometimes.
Author qinboxmail Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Honestly, I've never heard of a situation like that working out. It seems odd to me to actually come out and tell you that you have specific competition. Maybe it was her way of saying she's just seeing you to fill in the time, but she's really hung up on him? I don't think there's ever really a way to "win" a person and I think those who look at dating as some kind of competition (Am I "better" than the other contestants?) is missing the point or engaging in people who have unhealthy relationships that will most likely blow up eventually. Relationships are about two people who are right for each other (compatibility/attraction), ready for each other, want the same things, and are ready to do the work. The only part of that equation you can control is knowing/being honest about who you are, getting yourself ready for the relationship you want, and doing the work. But I have kind of weird thoughts sometimes. They're not bf and gf.
phineas Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Yeah, find someone else. She's most likely sleeping with this guy on the weekends. So she's looking for someone to keep her from being bored during the week when the other guy isn't around.
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Are you her age? how much older is he, than you? (I have reasons for asking.......)
carhill Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Date other women. 'Get to know better' is code for 'orbiter'.
brainygirl Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 So . . . she's in a non-official but definitely real realationship with a guy who lives far away, but visits her every weekend. She likes him well enough to host him every weekend, but doesn't call him her boyfriend and wants you to hang out with her during hte week. And you want to know how to "win her over"? Dude, she's either two timing him with you or planning on it. Find another girl. Do you really want a relationship with a girl who would lead a guy on waiting for a better offer to come along?
Author qinboxmail Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 So . . . she's in a non-official but definitely real realationship with a guy who lives far away, but visits her every weekend. She likes him well enough to host him every weekend, but doesn't call him her boyfriend and wants you to hang out with her during hte week. And you want to know how to "win her over"? Dude, she's either two timing him with you or planning on it. Find another girl. Do you really want a relationship with a girl who would lead a guy on waiting for a better offer to come along? It's not that she's leading the other guy. She dated other guys before and they move too quickly into a relationship. She wants to get to know him better by giving herself more time before getting into a relationship.
Author qinboxmail Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Are you her age? how much older is he, than you? (I have reasons for asking.......) She's 22. I'm 25. He's 32.
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Ok, well, he has maturity and experience, and she's obviously taken by him. You may well be a little too close to her age for her liking, because women mature faster when it comes to relationships. A woman's relationship value to a man is highest when she is younger because much of it stems from her physical beauty. A man's relationship value to women (assuming he takes care of himself) tends to increase as he gets older and achieves some things in life. Hence, men aren't in the same stage of their lives that women are. She values maturity and he's probably, comparatively, got more than you. This is all just my penn'orth, but it might be accurate....
Gallaxia Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 What does another guy liking her have to do with you? Why is she already putting up roadblocks?
Author qinboxmail Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Ok, well, he has maturity and experience, and she's obviously taken by him. You may well be a little too close to her age for her liking, because women mature faster when it comes to relationships. A woman's relationship value to a man is highest when she is younger because much of it stems from her physical beauty. A man's relationship value to women (assuming he takes care of himself) tends to increase as he gets older and achieves some things in life. Hence, men aren't in the same stage of their lives that women are. She values maturity and he's probably, comparatively, got more than you. This is all just my penn'orth, but it might be accurate.... He has more than me. I don't think I have a chance huh ?
Author qinboxmail Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 What does another guy liking her have to do with you? Why is she already putting up roadblocks? I also like her that's why I asked if I could win her heart.
GorillaTheater Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 He has more than me. I don't think I have a chance huh ? I think that the choice between the two of you is completely her choice and pretty much beyond your control. Ask yourself how much you're worth, and whether your value is higher than being merely an option.
Author qinboxmail Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I think that the choice between the two of you is completely her choice and pretty much beyond your control. Ask yourself how much you're worth, and whether your value is higher than being merely an option. I do like her a lot and that's all I know. Other things the other guy can give her more. And what do you mean by how much am worth ?
Gallaxia Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I also like her that's why I asked if I could win her heart. No silly goose, I mean- what's the significance of her telling you someone else likes her?
Cracker Jack Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 If you believe (Since you keep on saying it) the guy has more to offer her, and is better than you, it already means you're admitting defeat to an extent. No amount of advice will help if you already believe the other guy is better than you. This situation is silly, anyway.
GorillaTheater Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 And what do you mean by how much am worth ? I ask because, at least in my opinion, if you value yourself (or at least value your time), you're not going to allow yourself to be part of this game. Another question you might want to consider is what the end game is here. Is it "winning" her, or "beating" the other guy? There are probably no obvious answers to either questions. Just something to mull over as you consider why you're in a situation where this girl wants to explore a relationship with some other guy and whether that situation works for you.
Author qinboxmail Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I ask because, at least in my opinion, if you value yourself (or at least value your time), you're not going to allow yourself to be part of this game. Another question you might want to consider is what the end game is here. Is it "winning" her, or "beating" the other guy? There are probably no obvious answers to either questions. Just something to mull over as you consider why you're in a situation where this girl wants to explore a relationship with some other guy and whether that situation works for you. I wouldn't be in situation if I knew someone else likes her. Well a week before I asked her if she were single and she said yes. She didn't mention any guy likes her. Then later I started to like her and I asked her to hang out with me. Then she tells me that another guy likes her. She also wants to know more about me before going into a relationship. She doesn't know the other guy well either. He met her in March. He works so sometimes he's busy weekend and couldn't see her. They do talk online and over the phone. Yes, I like her so I told her how I felt.
O'Malley Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Does any of this 'wanting to know more about you' actually involve you going on dates? Or is it just providing her with attention to via phones calls and texts? She's aware of what you want and hovering around her won't change her perception of you. It's time to completely pull back, stop contacting her and focus on meeting other women. Not because she'll magically appear on your doorstep, but because this appears to be a utter waste of your time.
Author qinboxmail Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Does any of this 'wanting to know more about you' actually involve you going on dates? Or is it just providing her with attention to via phones calls and texts? She's aware of what you want and hovering around her won't change her perception of you. It's time to completely pull back, stop contacting her and focus on meeting other women. Not because she'll magically appear on your doorstep, but because this appears to be a utter waste of your time. She does want to go with me over weekends. We do talk online and over the phone.
carhill Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 She does want to go with me over weekends. Excellent. Tomorrow is Friday. Ask her out on a date tomorrow night. Be physically affectionate like any man is with his lady. Do what *you* do. If she waffles or appears less than enthusiastic, never contact her again. Don't feed Hoovers.
dispatch3d Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 (edited) So here is the story. I met this girl few years ago but haven't talked to her for awhile. I started to talk to her and well started to like her since last week. I told her that I like her and would like to be her boyfriend. She told me that another guy likes her since March. She says she wants to have time to get to know me better. The other guy lives an hour away from her and he visits her once a while (weekends). He is 10 years older than her. He talks to her a lot on the phone and online. So she wants to know me and the other guy better. How do I win her heart over the other guy? Please give me some tips. Thanks generally if you go direct, go for the crash or burn. Either you escalate things right now, or the friendship is over. Generally this is done physically/emotionally by getting her in the mood and seeing if she wants to go there. You also have to change the nature of the relationship from being like friends, to being like a relationship. If you wanted to go indirect you definitely wouldn't have told her you like her. You would want to keep her wondering how you feel about her, while peaking her interest/attraction/making her work for your attention. If I were you I just wouldn't straight out tell her you like her, unless you are planning on kissing her in under 30 seconds after that statement. edit: Right now it's going to come down to whether you are just good looking enough/have enough value for her to date you. It's definitely BAD she told you about another guy. Also the girls always are the chosers. Edited July 29, 2010 by dispatch3d
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