boosh Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 My Ex broke up with me last weekend, and I did all the wrongs things in the two days following the breakup. Sending texts begging and pleading, responding to the texts she sent with a long email to which we talked back in forth for a few responses before she finally stopped responding, basically going into NC mode from what I'm assuming. I took the same approach after sending that last email, and I haven't talked to her since. Deleted her number from my phone so I wouldn't do anything stupid. She broke up with me because of the constant arguing because of how our personalities are. Let me say the arguing was really the only thing wrong with our relationship. We got along great when we didn't fight (which weren't an extremely common thing, maybe 1-2 big fights a month..), we had a deep emotional attachment, even though I had larger feelings for her than she did for me. Our sexual relationship was incredible, etc. In the end she just couldn't get past the fighting. We'd fight, then make up, but never really work on stopping the fights. Both of us did that. That's the key. I'd understand a lot more if it was more of a one sided thing. She just said she couldn't continue in the circle of fighting and nothing changing and ended it. She apologized, admitted it wasn;t all my fault, even though I feel like the bulk of the fights originated from me being a stubborn a-hole. I'm trying to be strong and deal with it, I really am, but I really want her back. She offers far too much in not only a relationship, but as a person, and as a person who helps to make me a better person as well. I can't just give up so easily. My dilemma is the following: She told me in the text that preceded my email that she's "going to miss me so much", but in the final email she sent me later that day, "If I make the decision to end things, I don't go back on it. I have never gotten back with someone and I won't. It would be unfair to both of us to say that things will be able to work out later, I really don't believe that." I want to give her time and space and realize it's a process. I've done some serious soul searching these past few days, and I know what I need to change. I know what I need to do to make stuff work, and it's actually helped me become motivated to change other aspects of my life as well. However, I fear I've lost out on that chance with her? I planned on giving it a month or so before calling her, but I fear it'd be a pointless call in the long run. I just want her back. I want another chance to prove to her that I can change. I miss her so much.
jsa100100 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I was in a similar situation as you, although we didn't fight as much (we broke up over what we kept fighting about) and I didn't do the whole begging/pleading thing since I broke it off. But....i know how you feel about the whole soul searching thing and feeling that you think you can change...but let me tell you a few things. Your soul searching is probably not real. It's probably engendered from the fact that you miss her terribly and realized your mistakes. People don't change that quickly...and even if they do it it doesn't last very long. And guess what? mistakes happen. in every relationship. And if you two were really meant for each other, you wouldn't be breaking up over them. Even if your soul searching WAS real, and you did change into a great guy, what about her? You think she's soul searching and wishing she could change? no way buddy. She's already moved on, long before this breakup happened. Relationships require compromise, and no matter what you do, you can't make her do it. And lastly, I think that THAT's why you can't try to be together with her. Because SHE won't change, and secondly, the relationship seems too damaged beyond repair. 1-2 big fights a month? too many. not to mention the little spats here and there. And it seems like the fights weren't supportive, but rather destructive...in that nobody really changed, but they just ended up hurting you two. As all the seasoned posters would say, cut your losses and move on. Be thankful that you learned a lot from her, and be better to your next gf. NEXT!
Author boosh Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 You know that's the exact response that some people have told me. I really should take it to heart, but you know how it is when you have your heart and mind wanting the samething, even when everyone else is telling you otherwise. I'm really jsut going to give it a go and see where time takes me in the next few weeks. I truly think what I realized I need to change is real. It's the same stuff that happened in my last relationship that was 3 years long, and ended because I just couldn't learn to compromise.
Author boosh Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 It's funny how life throws you curveballs. Because of this whole situation, and the fact that I needed an un-biased opinion from someone who knew me well, I reached out to my ex that I dated for 3 years. We've been on good terms for a bit, and she just absolutely put everything into perspective for me. I fear I've lost out on this one, as much as it pains me to say that. I don't want to believe it, but based on what my ex told me and what I know about why hings ended, there's no reason to believe otherwise. I need to wise up, and make sure everything that needs to change with me personally does, and is applied in my next relationship. Whether tha's with a new girl, or I some how am able to reconcile with this one remains to be seen.
Allisha Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 See, there's something in your OP that worries me and something you should avoid. "I want to show her I can change" Why? You owe nothing to her really. You have to find a girl that accepts you for who you are, without having to change for them. Sure, it's a good idea to improve yourself and learn from your mistakes. But, if you're not violent/aggressive/evil, then you have no reason to change who you are simply because it simply doesn't suit someone. Good luck!
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