Broken

[itwasforher]

Hey everybody.....first I'd like to say how great this site is. I've lurked for quite a while and have seen some great threads and advice given to us in the struggle.

 

To put a extremely complicated situation in a nutshell, I lost the girl who made me believe in love to pressure from her family and religion. I was told from the woman I loved she would be disowned by her family if she did not be with someone who they chose for her.

 

I loved her, and still do to this day, and believed the fact that we loved each other that it would break all barriers. This story sounds like it came out of a cheesy hollywood movie, complete with b-list actors. Except there was no happy ending, and I'm left alone while she continues to play the role of the exceptional daughter to her family.

 

She was everything I ever wanted in a partner. I also believe though I was great for her. Together we were perfect in my opinion. I don't know how to feel over the fact it wasn't either her or my doing that ended our relationship, but outside interference.

 

I don't know how to feel honestly. She meant well, and I know did not mean to hurt me. But I'm still hurt, deeply. A little help would be greatly appreciated.

 

I really don't know where to go from here......

[fresco]

Hey everybody.....first I'd like to say how great this site is. I've lurked for quite a while and have seen some great threads and advice given to us in the struggle.

 

To put a extremely complicated situation in a nutshell, I lost the girl who made me believe in love to pressure from her family and religion. I was told from the woman I loved she would be disowned by her family if she did not be with someone who they chose for her.

 

I loved her, and still do to this day, and believed the fact that we loved each other that it would break all barriers. This story sounds like it came out of a cheesy hollywood movie, complete with b-list actors. Except there was no happy ending, and I'm left alone while she continues to play the role of the exceptional daughter to her family.

 

She was everything I ever wanted in a partner. I also believe though I was great for her. Together we were perfect in my opinion. I don't know how to feel over the fact it wasn't either her or my doing that ended our relationship, but outside interference.

 

I don't know how to feel honestly. She meant well, and I know did not mean to hurt me. But I'm still hurt, deeply. A little help would be greatly appreciated.

 

I really don't know where to go from here......

 

 

 

I got the same thing. All because my girl was 17 and i was 21 she thought her parents wouldn't accept me or something. I think its bull though because she turns 18 in september anyway. If she thinks you aren't worth diminishing her appearance in her parents eyes its better that you just walk away honestly

[smk]

Hey everybody.....first I'd like to say how great this site is. I've lurked for quite a while and have seen some great threads and advice given to us in the struggle.

 

To put a extremely complicated situation in a nutshell, I lost the girl who made me believe in love to pressure from her family and religion. I was told from the woman I loved she would be disowned by her family if she did not be with someone who they chose for her.

 

I loved her, and still do to this day, and believed the fact that we loved each other that it would break all barriers. This story sounds like it came out of a cheesy hollywood movie, complete with b-list actors. Except there was no happy ending, and I'm left alone while she continues to play the role of the exceptional daughter to her family.

 

She was everything I ever wanted in a partner. I also believe though I was great for her. Together we were perfect in my opinion. I don't know how to feel over the fact it wasn't either her or my doing that ended our relationship, but outside interference.

 

I don't know how to feel honestly. She meant well, and I know did not mean to hurt me. But I'm still hurt, deeply. A little help would be greatly appreciated.

 

I really don't know where to go from here......

 

Bro I feel your pain...

 

Same situation for me except for me it was race and skin colour...

 

TBH - there is nothing we can do if they are not willing to fight for their love and for us... The only advice I can give you is to move on - its not an easy journey, you will have your ups and you will have your downs, but the only way is to move forward.

 

I did everything I could to try and convince her to fight for me, but if they arent ready to put up the fight then it is a worthless cause. As much as it pains me to say it, as much as my love for her still grows day by day, I am trying to move on with my life each day and leave things to destiny. If it was meant to be then it will, and if not then c'est la vie..

 

Be strong buddy, we are all here for you, and will try and support you in any way we can...

 

PM if you ever need to talk...

[itwasforher]

fresco, smk.....appreciate the words of wisdom. It's comforting to know that my issue wasn't completely unique, so we can help each other get through this somehow.....

 

The thing is is that, because our situations are similar yet unique, how are we supposed to really get closure? It wasn't our actions or the actions of our partners that cause the break-up, but from outside interference (in our cases, family, race, religion).

 

It's depressing in my opinion. To know no matter how good you are to them, factors completely outside our control or their (our exes) are making it impossible (in their eyes) for it to work. In my eyes were just right for each other, compatible in every way, and that's why I don't know how to react.

[fresco]

fresco, smk.....appreciate the words of wisdom. It's comforting to know that my issue wasn't completely unique, so we can help each other get through this somehow.....

 

The thing is is that, because our situations are similar yet unique, how are we supposed to really get closure? It wasn't our actions or the actions of our partners that cause the break-up, but from outside interference (in our cases, family, race, religion).

 

It's depressing in my opinion. To know no matter how good you are to them, factors completely outside our control or their (our exes) are making it impossible (in their eyes) for it to work. In my eyes were just right for each other, compatible in every way, and that's why I don't know how to react.

 

 

Your situation does seem similar to mine thats why i posted on here. But honestly dude, as with my situation her reasoning sounds like a cop out. If they really loved us as much as they claimed to, what their parents thought about it would have no effect on their decision.

[smk]

fresco, smk.....appreciate the words of wisdom. It's comforting to know that my issue wasn't completely unique, so we can help each other get through this somehow.....

 

The thing is is that, because our situations are similar yet unique, how are we supposed to really get closure? It wasn't our actions or the actions of our partners that cause the break-up, but from outside interference (in our cases, family, race, religion).

 

It's depressing in my opinion. To know no matter how good you are to them, factors completely outside our control or their (our exes) are making it impossible (in their eyes) for it to work. She was perfect to me, still is, and that's why I don't know how to react.

 

Unfortunately we will never get closure on this - we had no fault or choice in this - and I like you thought that my ex didnt have a choice in this either - but I hate to break it to you she did have a choice and it was in her control - she made the choice and I know how hard a choice it was because I have a similar situation in my family where someone had to make the same choice and they chose love and you know whateventually family came around. I have been there and defended my ex in my mind and to other people but she did have a choice in the matter, and as much as this may hurt to hear (and believe me bro I had to hear it too and at first I refused to accept it) she did have a choice and it may been out of your control but not hers. Right now this will sound very harsh and cruel - and buddy I tell you again i was in your place 6 weeks ago - she had a choice and she chose to let go of love and unforunately as much as we want to fight if the other person has given up there is nothing that you can do.... I am telling you from experience, I virtually begged and pleaded with her to not give up, but always remember one thing "blood is always thicker than water" and unfortunately we are the water in this situation.

 

I wont lie to you, its not going to be easy, you will have a royal head **** because we didnt get closure, its not like she cheated or anything, but sooner or later your mind will get tired of dealign withh things and slowly you will start healing. I have just begun the process after 6 weeks, and I still fell today, I was doing well then all of a sudden I went back downhill, but I am picking up again.

 

Deal with each moment as it comes, and dont tyri to fight the emotions because it wont work, I have cried, I have hurt and am still hurting, but now I think I am beggining the treacherous journey of accepting and starting to pick up the pieces of my life... I did the alcohol, I did the partying, I did the "rockstar" life, and I have done everything in between, and you know what nothing works until you are ready to move...

 

Just remember we are all here for you, and if you need to talk just PM me... I spend alot of time on here at the moment, and have received some great advice..

[itwasforher]

hey fresco you make a really valid point. I wish it were that simple. I know she loved me though, but in her eyes that wasn't enough for it to work out. And after reading your thread i find we share a pretty similar story.

 

When you have relationship with someone, especially once you're married, you're not just married to your partner, but also to their family. I wish that wasn't the case, cause if it wasn't I'd have a happily-ever-after moment and wouldn't be where I'm at.

 

I feel like we have all the answers here guys, but honestly can't take our own advice. Emotions are overriding our logic.

 

Emotions are a bitch......

[fresco]

hey fresco you make a really valid point. I wish it were that simple. I know she loved me though, but in her eyes that wasn't enough for it to work out. And after reading your thread i find we share a pretty similar story.

 

When you have relationship with someone, especially once you're married, you're not just married to your partner, but also to their family. I wish that wasn't the case, cause if it wasn't I'd have a happily-ever-after moment and wouldn't be where I'm at.

 

I feel like we have all the answers here guys, but honestly can't take our own advice. Emotions are overriding our logic.

 

Emotions are a bitch......

 

I agree completely emotions are a bitch. But emotions are also what make life...life

[smk]

hey fresco you make a really valid point. I wish it were that simple. I know she loved me though, but in her eyes that wasn't enough for it to work out. And after reading your thread i find we share a pretty similar story.

 

When you have relationship with someone, especially once you're married, you're not just married to your partner, but also to their family. I wish that wasn't the case, cause if it wasn't I'd have a happily-ever-after moment and wouldn't be where I'm at.

 

I feel like we have all the answers here guys, but honestly can't take our own advice. Emotions are overriding our logic.

 

Emotions are a bitch......

 

I do believe that my ex truly loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, except she didnt love me enough to stand up and fight for me....

 

We do have the answers within ourselves, the only problem with human nature is that until someone validates those answers we have difficulty accepting them and putting them to use...

 

Emotions are a bitch

[itwasforher]

hey smk.....i think you're point is extremely valid. I think though honestly it was extremely hard for our exes to choose one over the other. their logic of choosing the security of family over volatility of relationship that may or may not end well was best for them, and we receive the pain of rejection. Maybe our closure however is knowing that we did right to them, and that it wasn't our actions that cause them to leave, but the influence of others. I think our closure may possibly be we did good and were the best partners we could be for them.

[smk]

hey smk.....i think you're point is extremely valid. I think though honestly it was extremely hard for our exes to choose one over the other. their logic of choosing the security of family over volatility of relationship that may or may not end well was best for them, and we receive the pain of rejection. Maybe our closure however is knowing that we did right to them, and that it wasn't our actions that cause them to leave, but the influence of others. I think our closure may possibly be we did good and were the best partners we could be for them.

 

You have it spot on - the best and probably only form of closure we will get is knowing that we did everything we could to give our SO the courage, the love and the strength, and if unfortunately they still didnt believe then hey its out of our hands...

 

It was a tough choice for them and they made the choice, and sometimes previous experience dictates our actions...

 

We will go through anger, through resentment, through every conceivable emotion, but if you did love her, then eventually the only emotion left will be love, and you will move on with you life with or without her, and who knows what destiny has in store for us...