spellcatcher Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 I have always been wondering, since the first relationship that has gone south, why do breakups seem to be so easy for men while they are so devastating for women? This is a broad generalization, of course, but having many male friends, and having seen and heard it several times, I can't help but wonder... is it really so easy for a man to walk away from us? Why is it that whether we break up with him or he with us, we cry and miss him, want to curl in a ball and sleep until it's all over, jump at every email and phone call hoping that it's him saying he is sorry... fight the urge to call him instead, then miss him and cry some more. Is this a purely female affliction? I'm sure many men know that if you only say sorry, 90% of the time we will probably forgive you (unless you did something extremely awful)... so why is it so easy for them not to? Are relationships really so replaceable? Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 when my gf broke up w/me I was devastated. It wasn't easy for me at all. It still hurts Link to post Share on other sites
monochrome Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 It hurts us just as much. Perhaps it seems different because guys are encouraged not to show emotions (or 'weakness' as we are led to believe through years of conditioning). Link to post Share on other sites
Username37 Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 Break ups are easier on men? Geez I guess I'm a boy then Link to post Share on other sites
agonizingoverthis Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 Same here. I am devastated, barely functioning. My ex-gf is out having a grand time with new love interests. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spellcatcher Posted July 29, 2010 Author Share Posted July 29, 2010 Sorry, I meant no disrespect by the question... it just seems so much easier to move on for guys... (then again in my breakups, I'm usually the first one initiating contact... and every trying to patch things up =( ) Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 Are relationships really so replaceable? unfortunately men don't get as attached in relationships as women do....it also has a lot to do with who does the breaking up Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 Sorry, I meant no disrespect by the question... it just seems so much easier to move on for guys... (then again in my breakups, I'm usually the first one initiating contact... and every trying to patch things up =( ) If you look through past threads on the break up section, you'll notice much of them are started by men. In a way, you can say men " cope" better with break ups because they deal with it straight out and compartmentalize their priorities. It doesn't mean they don't suffer, they just prefer to wallow in pain silently. Link to post Share on other sites
boosh Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 Spellcatcher, Honestly from my experience it really depends on the person. I know personally I've been devastated by my last two break ups (2 years ago, and currently), and haven't really cared on a few others. I have friends who seemingly don't care either, and friends who absolutely lose it and are an emotional wreck. It really just depends on the person I think. You also need to realize, that men in general are more apt to "hide" their emotions while in the presence of others. Does it come off as rude and not caring? It can, but it definitely does not mean they don't. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 I don't think it is easier for men, I just think they're usually raised to not talk about feelings, so keep it in and pretend they're ok, cos men aren't allowed to cry, maybe that's why men get into fights more than women If you read the posts on LS you'll see there are as many men as women who are devastated after their break up. I have always been wondering, since the first relationship that has gone south, why do breakups seem to be so easy for men while they are so devastating for women? This is a broad generalization, of course, but having many male friends, and having seen and heard it several times, I can't help but wonder... is it really so easy for a man to walk away from us? Why is it that whether we break up with him or he with us, we cry and miss him, want to curl in a ball and sleep until it's all over, jump at every email and phone call hoping that it's him saying he is sorry... fight the urge to call him instead, then miss him and cry some more. Is this a purely female affliction? I'm sure many men know that if you only say sorry, 90% of the time we will probably forgive you (unless you did something extremely awful)... so why is it so easy for them not to? Are relationships really so replaceable? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 Crap. As many men as women get attached in relationships, my ex did for 18 years and my current partner is too for example. unfortunately men don't get as attached in relationships as women do....it also has a lot to do with who does the breaking up Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 When I was broken up with 8 months ago... it burned so deep... a writhing pain I may never forget. I do not miss her, but the wound cut so deep still lingers... but I've learned to manage and cope. Oh wow...seriously...? Yea, it depends on who ends the relationship. I did NOT have an easy time getting over it...I'm still working on it... Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Perhaps it seems different because guys are encouraged not to show emotions (or 'weakness' as we are led to believe through years of conditioning). good point right here. Also I think it is easier regardless on the person who initiates the dumping. The ex and I split on mutual terms and she accused me of not being as sad about as her. I was sad but I have a good grip on my emotions.....for the most part. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 good point right here. Also I think it is easier regardless on the person who initiates the dumping. The ex and I split on mutual terms and she accused me of not being as sad about as her. I was sad but I have a good grip on my emotions.....for the most part. that's cause you had your eye on CE Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Breakups devestate many men but in general a woman that doesn't love you is not worth crying about. Any woman worth crying over will not make you cry in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 I suppose I understand what you mean, I consistently feel like the "woman" in the break-up coz I've been moping around, and coming onto this site, and am frequently unable to get my act together whereas my ex, as a few of my friends have informed me, began dating again just over a WEEK after we split up. I'm crushed like hell and its four months in. It's not just the women who suffer, far from it. I think it depends on the person. Saying its the women who suffer more seems a bit of a generalisation. Just because there's a stereotype about men being more emotionally restricted, or just emotionally stronger even, doesn't mean there aren't those of us out there who tend to sit and listen to sad music with a few glasses of wine each night :| Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 that's cause you had your eye on CE actually no...not at the time. We split back in May of last year and at that point I hadn't even been on LS since January of that year, so she wasn't a factor into our split. Five months later (October) was when CE came into the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 good thread, I always wondered about this too. I too think men go through break ups much easier. My ex's found other women RIGHT away after a break up. They could not be too broken up, cause when I was hurting, another man would not have helped, but made it worse. For men, being with another women helps. My current BF of 5 yrs (we are older) acted all cool the times we broke up. Link to post Share on other sites
DSM2709 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 I would like to throw my two cents into the ring here...btw, excellant topic. Anyways, I just went through my breakup, and I posted it out here , it's called "Back to square one...will I ever learn?" My ex broke up with me back in June, and I am still realing from it. I think about her and miss her all the time and wonder what she's doing and if she's with anyone. I don't think she is, because she is very indepedent and doesn't have time for a relationship,,,I think. However, she was very critical, controlling, and senitive towards me during the relationship. I moved in with her after only 6 months together, so I know that was a huge mistake on my part. I also suffer from niceguyitis, so I think that was a mistake too, I tried to stand my ground but she would tell me how I always talked down to her and she wasn't having any of that. She says we didn't have anything in common and that we were on 2 different pages, and towards the end we argued alot which in turn resulted in the breakup. I guess to answer the question, I know for me, it's not easy to deal with the breakup. I know life will go on, and I will meet someone else and I can live with myself knowing I did the best I could. I guess I have to learn to live by myself for awhile and figure out what I want in life instead of always relying on a woman to satisfy my needs, at least for now. Good topic and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 I believe most of this disparity is social conditioning. Women are still conditioned to some degree that their worth is dependent upon having a man. When she loses her man it`s more traumatic than it has to be. Men are conditioned from birth not to show emotion especially emotion our culture associates with women(Sadness,heartbreak, emotional confusion). Man will go to great lengths to hold back that first tear that will bring the whole emotional train wreck pouring out of his body. As far as moving on to a new lover quickly it has nothing to do with gender. Both genders do it and both know that nothing gets you over an ex lover faster than a new lover. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I have always been wondering, since the first relationship that has gone south, why do breakups seem to be so easy for men while they are so devastating for women? This is a broad generalization, of course, but having many male friends, and having seen and heard it several times, I can't help but wonder... is it really so easy for a man to walk away from us? Why is it that whether we break up with him or he with us, we cry and miss him, want to curl in a ball and sleep until it's all over, jump at every email and phone call hoping that it's him saying he is sorry... fight the urge to call him instead, then miss him and cry some more. Is this a purely female affliction? I'm sure many men know that if you only say sorry, 90% of the time we will probably forgive you (unless you did something extremely awful)... so why is it so easy for them not to? Are relationships really so replaceable? I always assumed the same thing until I started reading this website. I was shocked at how many men are on here pouring out their hearts. It was actually quite refreshing to see. Link to post Share on other sites
crawkz Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Male here. No, actually. I didnt even lose her yet and the only thing I was doing for the past 48 hours was thinking about her, and what I am supposed to do. I slept for a total of 6 hours in the last two days Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 OP, IMO, people are *individuals*. Men may *appear* to handle breakups like they're nothing, but read this forum for evidence to the contrary regarding how it *actually* affects them. I've yet to meet a woman who gave even the slightest appearance of 'devastation' when dismissing myself into the void. Even stbx, someone with whom I had been openly emotional with for a decade, calmly and succinctly ended our M, took all the stuff I gave her and went forward in her life, having two boyfriends before we are even divorced. What does this tell me? Emphatically, that I'm a poor picker of people. TBF said that clearly many months ago. So, perhaps, like myself, you need to hone your people picker to choose a different sort of man, one more compatible with your emotional style. It's a thought Link to post Share on other sites
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