Melrapuo Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) There's a few things I've come to realize about my life in the past two years, since my ex and I broke up. Some of those things are good, and some of them are bad. I'll list them here. Good things: - I've become more confident in my ability to say what I feel to people. - I have a job (even though it doesn't pay well. Most of my friends don't have any jobs) and a car. - I have a lovely new girlfriend - I finished college, and I'm moving on to bigger and better things. Bad things: - I don't know if I'm happy with my position in life. - Most things aren't working out. - I have developed a very large sense of anxiety, which (for some reason) brings me back to thinking about how I felt when my ex dumped me. - I get very angry much more easily then I used to, and can find myself on the verge of tears when, in the past, I would've just shrugged things off. - Lack of confidence in myself, when I used to be very confident. Listing these things made me realize something else. I blame a lot of how I feel today about what happened two years ago. And I find myself dwelling on pain that was in the past, and finding it almost impossible to get rid of that feeling. I have no one to talk to about it because, well, no one close to me would want to hear it. I came to the realization that, on the inside, I still haven't forgiven my ex. And, in a way, I put too much weight on my ex's decision to dump me as a reason to blame myself for ending the relationship. I pray that she texts or calls me one day, to tell me that she made a mistake and that it wasn't all my fault. And I find this completely idiotic. I shouldn't base how I feel now on what someone did to me way back when. And yet I can't get past these thoughts. When it all happened, I begged and pleaded. When I realized nothing was working, I shut everything out. I told her we couldn't be friends or talk anymore, and haven't talked to her since. Getting rid of her meant not talking to anyone she associated with to avoid contact with her. In a way, I feel like a lost a whole lot more than just her, and I still haven't recovered. Plus, nothing is going right these days. Sometimes I feel like the world is closing in all around me. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal . I'm just trying to figure things out. Why do we feel like we need our exes to justify our feelings and existence? Why is it so hard to get over stupid things like stuff from that happened years ago? How did everyone else find ways to move past and forgive? And for the love of God, can someone show me how I can feel like I'm a good person without having my ex have to say it to me? Just ranting. Bad day today. Edited July 28, 2010 by Melrapuo Link to post Share on other sites
fresco Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 Hi there! I don't think its so much that we need our ex's. More so that having them in our life becomes such a routine after a while that life without them just doesn't feel right. The longer the relationship the more ingrained they become. When you have these moments of self doubt try to remember something. You were a great person before your ex was ever in your life or she wouldn't have saw anything in you to date you in the first place. Don't be so hard on yourself and remember that it really isn't you, its her. Besides you got a job, you just got out of college, and you got a new girl anyways. Life is good man, live it up! I'd love to be in your shoes right now bud Link to post Share on other sites
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