bluz73 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Its been 10 months and I lost all intrest in my ex, I see pics of him and her on FB and it dont make me cry, it makes me laugh that he has gained weight and she looks 14. I look at him as a stranger. I just feel relieved. I have made it, I think, without a rebound or sex with another man. I am now focusing on me. Moving to a new town, getting new job, and enjoying the new city. Im excited about life for once. So does this mean I am over him??????? Please let these feelings stay, I have never felt this good in a looong time!
Author bluz73 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Guess no one on here is over their ex so no one has any comments to let me know if this is real...ive had 3 relationships and totally forget what it feels like, I hope I am not fooling myself.
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Nope, you're over him, no problem. many people have asked the same question, more or less.... More in a "When will I be over him/her???" kind of way. And I always reply: 'When you see them in the arms of another person and obviously in love, and you feel nothing but indifference, yet you're content for them that they have found someone else, because you're in a happy place, yourself right now....' Looks like you fit the bill.
Author bluz73 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Nope, you're over him, no problem. many people have asked the same question, more or less.... More in a "When will I be over him/her???" kind of way. And I always reply: 'When you see them in the arms of another person and obviously in love, and you feel nothing but indifference, yet you're content for them that they have found someone else, because you're in a happy place, yourself right now....' Looks like you fit the bill. thank you Tara, I been forcing myself for months to hear and see them, at first it peed me off, now i just dont give a crap, although I dont wish him happiness, i wish him pain for what he made me endure, I just dont want him to come around and ruin this for me WAIT I WONT LET HIM HAHAHAHA
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Ah. Well, if you wish him pain, then you are NOT over him. "If we harbour negative, hostile and resentful feelings towards someone/thing, then we hold it as close to our heart, as if we loved and adored it." You have to not only get over someone, you have to let go all feelings, whatever they may be. Or you just bind yourself to them, in a different way. What you're aiming for is just complete shoulder-shrugging, 'don't really give a damn' indifference. Wishing someone pain, isn't it. Too bad, huh? Keep working on it. And yourself....
jsa100100 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Its been 10 months and I lost all intrest in my ex, I see pics of him and her on FB and it dont make me cry, it makes me laugh that he has gained weight and she looks 14. I look at him as a stranger. I just feel relieved. I have made it, I think, without a rebound or sex with another man. I am now focusing on me. Moving to a new town, getting new job, and enjoying the new city. Im excited about life for once. So does this mean I am over him??????? Please let these feelings stay, I have never felt this good in a looong time! I'm so glad there are women like you, bluz, who is strong enough to get over a man without another man...all power to you. Gives me hope that you girls exist. I just wish i could find one. sigh
Author bluz73 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I'm so glad there are women like you, bluz, who is strong enough to get over a man without another man...all power to you. Gives me hope that you girls exist. I just wish i could find one. sigh well thanks jsa..I just am not the jumping in bed kinda woman, there has to be real feelings there. There are women like me, she hasnt found YOU yet, so when you least expect it she will...good luck to you.. And i do feel I am over the not having him part anymore and he is with a teenager instead of a grown woman, but I still have bitterness towards him, not cause I love him, cause of the person he became and any grown man that would chase a teenager I would feel the same for, hope you all get what I am saying
HeavenOrHell Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Yes, I'm over my ex, split a year ago after 18 years, he's with an ex friend of mine now, that stings slightly as there's history there and it taints the past a bit for me. I am friends with my ex again now, I went NC for a while which stopped me wanting him back, helped me let go and move on, I haven't loved him or wanted him back for 5 months now, I love him as just a friend now, we meet once a week, I look at him like a brother now. I am with someone new now, in an LDR, which still gives me space to continue to rebuild my life after our split, my ex left as I was so independent the last few years he felt I didn't love or need him anymore, I neglected him. Not sure I would want a more local relationship yet, not that I deliberately looked for an LDR, it just turned out that way, and I am more than happy living alone right now. Even though my ex is with an ex fiend of mine who was self centred and selfish towards me I don't wish my ex to be unhappy, for his sake I hope he is happy even though for me she is the worse person he could have ended up with, I don't want him to be hurt as I love and care about him as a friend.
kickintheaz Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I realised i was over her when a mutual friend gave me an insight as to how her life is now (according to her fb page)... my initial reaction was 'good for her'... and then I went over to the bar and kissed my new girlie (at the time) on the cheek... I realised I was over her when I drove past her house and was many miles down the road when I realised I had driven past her house... (normally upto that point the tightening in my chest was a reminder she lived there) I realised I was over her when I saw her not too long ago out walking her dog and thought 'she looks like ex'... and kept driving, no inclination to even toot my horn at her.. (she gave up the right to hear my horn tooted!) I realised I was over her when I could come on LS and read my old posts and think..... poor guy, he must have been in a bad way... (I was!) I realised I was over her when the aforementioned new girlie txt me one day to say she needed to pull back as she wasn't sure she was ready for anything.. and my heart kinda stopped for a second and I got a tightening in my chest and I thought "uh oh"..... but am working on that.. (oh look, I'm looking for a 2nd chance with my 2nd chance! but my god am I doing it differently this time!) @bluz.... you do make sense in that you over wanting him, but you still harbour some emotion towards him, as TaraM says.. its negative.. you have to get to a point where you let go of that too.. in saying that... you're way down the road now compared to day 1 which is never a bad thing!.. keep working on it.... @HOH.... well, well done m'dear... haven't you moved on in life for the better.. am delighted to read that post! bravo !!! @TaraM.. still a fountain of wisdom, truth, insightfulness and straight talking.. delighted to see it!
alphamale Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 So does this mean I am over him??????? basically?? yes
WintersNightTraveler Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 If you're looking at pictures of him on FB you're probably not over him. Over him is one day, out of the blue, you think "oh wow I haven't thought about so and so in a really long time". And you really haven't, and so you feel pleasantly surprised, and then very soon thereafter just slip right back into not thinking about the person again and forget all about the pleasant surprise as well.
Author bluz73 Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 If you're looking at pictures of him on FB you're probably not over him. Over him is one day, out of the blue, you think "oh wow I haven't thought about so and so in a really long time". And you really haven't, and so you feel pleasantly surprised, and then very soon thereafter just slip right back into not thinking about the person again and forget all about the pleasant surprise as well. I dont look at pictures of him to reminise or want him, It has helped me see I am not missing anything, He isnt even all that afterall, I mean I am not saying this cause he mistreated me, its just my love blinders are off and I can see the flaws in his appearance as well as his character, and I dont like him at all. I can hear sad songs and they dont relate to him anymore, so yeah I confirmed on my own, I have let go and Im over him. I just dont like any grown man who preys on teenagers for sex and he is one of them
Shakz Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 I don't think we ever truly get over our past loves, in the sense that we forget them completely and move on. We will always have our regrets, and maybe even a little guilt, but if we channel that positively into our next relationship, we have the opportunity to really achieve happiness. Something about this person made you fall in love with him. Something else about him made you fall out of love. Figure out what that was, and see that you don't repeat the same mistake. When you can look at a picture of him with his new love embracing, and be genuinely happy for him, then you will have truly moved on. Not before.
VeveCakes Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Sadly, a lot of people think they are over someone when they can freely bash the hell out of their ex, or no longer cry and feel depressed....however, the fact you are even posting this topic, and looking on their facebook etc shows you are definitly not over them. When you are truly over someone, you wish them the best, but mainly thoughts about them seem few and far between compared to what they were once.
silic0ntoad Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 You are over them when they are nothing more then a fleeting thought, when you can look to them with apathy, when their actions no longer affect you in even the slightest way. Honestly, I don't think anyone is ever truly 100% over an ex they loved. Little pieces remain with you and them until we lay as dust.
Beeotch Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 (edited) Its been 10 months and I lost all intrest in my ex, I see pics of him and her on FB and it dont make me cry, it makes me laugh that he has gained weight and she looks 14. I look at him as a stranger. I just feel relieved. I have made it, I think, without a rebound or sex with another man. I am now focusing on me. Moving to a new town, getting new job, and enjoying the new city. Im excited about life for once. So does this mean I am over him??????? Please let these feelings stay, I have never felt this good in a looong time! That's great! Most likely there is no going back after this...things can only get better and the memory of your ex will grow more and more dim and he will seem less and less familiar and you will care less and less, especially with all the wonderful new things you have to focus on. I am "over" my ex, a year later, in that....I realize that our paths are completely divergent at this point in life, the things he chooses to do are not the things I want to do, I feel his life is a complete mess that he needs to sort through on his own, I can see clearly all the reasons we shouldn't be and I feel completely excited and fine with the idea of a future with someone else, he is not the first and last thing I think about in the days, I can imagine him being with someone else and feel fine, I no longer feel like our relationship is "irreplaceable" and the list goes on. However, the choices he makes for himself still hurt/upset me for him because I will always love him and care. But yea...at this point, while I am not completely indifferent towards his existence and might feel some twinge of something if I were to hear certain things it is NOTHIIIIING like last year or even earlier this year and with each day I become more detached. Any "twinges" literally dissipate in 3 seconds vs. initially when it sent me into full fledged nausea, panic, rabid thoughts lol. Most of my "feelings" now are in response to his destructive behavior and my care and concern as I would for any friend and not in the selfish, I want you back way, which is a MAJOR difference. Soo yea....I doubt there is any going back once you truthfully hit a certain point. Even if you are not 100% there, once you reach the "home stretch" it is almost impossible to revert & you will continue until you don't even have to ask anymore if you're over it. Esp if you didn't run off with rebounds and all this avoidance of the pain. When you deal with it truthfully from day one...you being over it is more likely to be lasting than someone who just got rebounds and kind of paused the pain momentarily. Edited July 31, 2010 by Beeotch
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