worlybear Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 After a lengthy wait my son (26) will be in court tomorrow, facing charges of D.U.I and dangerous driving. In January this year, he caused a horrendous accident and his passenger nearly died. He fully deserves to face the judge and pay for the consequences of his actions and my hope is that he will get professional help to manage his alcoholism and mental health problems- because as parents we have so spectacularly failed him. I have a very vivid memory of his birth and remember how proud and excited we both were as new parents. I'm glad we had no idea what the future held.
anne1707 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 ((((Hugs))) for tomorrow Worly There is nothing any of us can say that will make you feel better tonight. You show strength in the acceptance that he needs help - try to remember this is not your fault. You did not make him drive the car,
seren Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 After a lengthy wait my son (26) will be in court tomorrow, facing charges of D.U.I and dangerous driving. In January this year, he caused a horrendous accident and his passenger nearly died. He fully deserves to face the judge and pay for the consequences of his actions and my hope is that he will get professional help to manage his alcoholism and mental health problems- because as parents we have so spectacularly failed him. I have a very vivid memory of his birth and remember how proud and excited we both were as new parents. I'm glad we had no idea what the future held. I very much doubt you have failed your son. You can hate what he has done, but he is still your son and I am sure you will be there for him. Sometimes we can only watch while they self destruct and be there when they reach out. I so hope you and your family keep safe.
Author worlybear Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Well its over. Son sentenced to 14 months.Ex H didn't even bother to reply to my text asking him to let me no the verdict. I phoned the court to find out. Can't decide how to feel- my emotions are all over the place. I guess the overwhelming feeling is disappointment, at my son for what he's done, at my ex for failing to even share minimal basic info with me, at the ow for destroying our family and at myself for still expecting such a low life as my ex to even bother to do anything that didn't suit or benefit himself. I find myself in a very dark place and I really hope that someday the tables are turned.
2sure Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Dont worry so much about the tables turning - because they do and with no help from us. Your son is going through hell and it must be frustrating to know that his own actions led to these consequences. But you know, he is only 26. I think back to who I was at 26, the stupid terrible things I did...and it so far removed from who I am now...it seems so young. A lot changes in a year , two years in the course of a life - 10 years and your someone else. Hang in there with him. Dont lose your faith or hope. He is way to young to not change.
Ronni_W Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Big hugs, worlybear. I can imagine how it is all sitting with you. No great words of comfort or inspiration to offer you...but I do hope that it will feel easier over time. In the meantime, try not to beat-up on yourself. These are the consequences of your son's own adult, free will choices. Much as we (humans) don't like coming face-to-face with our own powerlessness and vulnerability due to things we have no control over but that nevertheless scar us deeply and permanently, it still is that there was/is very little that you, your ex or the OW might have done, did do, or can do in the future that could have stopped or will stop your son from making his own (foolish and wise) free will choices for the rest of his life. <whew> Loonnngg sentence! Hope it makes at least a bit of sense. Hang in there.
GorillaTheater Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I understand a little of how you feel. As my kids get older, I'm finding that one of the hardest things is not to take their actions as a personal reflection on me as a parent. It's not. We've (and I include you) did the best we could. It's about them, not us. And despite my ability to type this out I still struggle mightily. He'll always be your son. All you can do is love him.
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