smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 why the **** do the dumpers get away so easy - why the **** do they get to get away with getting on with their lives like nothing ever happened yet we go through the most excruciating, harrowing experiences of our lives??? what did we ever do to ****ing deserve this....??? I am sorry that I fell in love with you, I am sorry that I wanted nothing more that to give up the air I breathe for you, I am sorry that all I wanted was to spend the rest of my life and eternity with you... You know what punish me for that - break my ****ing heart, tear it apart, crush me to pieces and move on with your life like nothing happened....
AlwaysConflicted Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I feel your pain. We didn't do anything wrong. Some times things don't work out. I miss my ex too. She dumped me and I have no control over her actions. You didn't do anything wrong. Remember that.
Author smk Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) I feel your pain. We didn't do anything wrong. Some times things don't work out. I miss my ex too. She dumped me and I have no control over her actions. You didn't do anything wrong. Remember that. it still feels like I did do something to deserve this - I was doing fine and then bang all of a sudden it feels like I could have done more to not make her leave... she hasnt stopped living her life, she seems to be doing all the things she does, yet here I am, cant eat, cant ****ing sleep, cant ****ing do anything through out the day without thinking of her, I try and keep a brave face, prove to the world that it doesnt affect me that the one person I truly trusted not to hurt me broke my heart, the one person who I always thought would be there for me, is no longer there through the hardest thing I have ever had to face, yet it blatant in my face that she is getting on with her life and for every step I take forward I take another 2 back.... and the worst part is I spend my time here telling everyone to be strong that it gets better and here I am a complete wreck... WTF - It feels like I am losing the ****ing plot... Edited July 28, 2010 by smk
agonizingoverthis Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 In my case, my ex is doing great because she developed a whole network of support, including someone to date, before she dumped. Meanwhile stupid me, had both feet in the relationship and was trying to make it work. In a matter of days, she's off with someone else and I'm going through the worst hell I've experienced in my life. It feels like a betrayal, I didn't know she was make a contingency plan to leave. That's not ****ing fair!
fresco Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I feel your pain bro we're all in the same boat =/. But thinking about ways you could have prevented this happening gets you nowhere. What you need to do is realize that if that person is willing to give you up so easily she really isn't worth all of your time. I'm starting to realize the same thing myself as bitter sweet as it may be. It sucks when you give somebody so much of yourself just to be cast aside as if it doesn't matter. Just realize that the person who throws you away without a second thought doesn't deserve a second thought from you.
skydiveaddict Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 why the **** do the dumpers get away so easy - why the **** do they get to get away with getting on with their lives like nothing ever happened yet we go through the most excruciating, harrowing experiences of our lives??? what did we ever do to ****ing deserve this....??? I am sorry that I fell in love with you, I am sorry that I wanted nothing more that to give up the air I breathe for you, I am sorry that all I wanted was to spend the rest of my life and eternity with you... You know what punish me for that - break my ****ing heart, tear it apart, crush me to pieces and move on with your life like nothing happened.... Dumpers get away easy because they have no more feelings for you. That is why you got dumped.
bonpaw2008 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 {{{Big Hug}}} This all just sucks so bad. I know that you are angry but just remember, Karma is a bitch and she will reign down on these losers and they will get theirs. Unfortunately I have been on the "dumper" side too, and there I don't think that either side is very easy. But of course I am a compassionate person and HAVE A SOUL, so maybe it was just hard on me
Author smk Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 i was doing quite well until this evening and then all of a sudden its like something just switched and i got angry - for the best part of the last 24 hrs I was actually here on LS telling ppl to be strong... i hate this friggin roller coaster
cookie2 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Yeah I've been on a huge downer tonight too fella. Most of the day was relatively good but I got a text and a voicemail tonight asking for a meet over coffee tomorrow... yeah like thats gonna happen! Unfortunately we do have things to iron out, and she has loads of s*** to pick up, so I can't just NC her azz. Went to see Inception with friends, which is a pretty cool movie but I didn't really enjoy it cos my head is all mesed up. I've said I'm busy til Monday (though I'm really not!)... mostly to get the control back in my half. It does have to be done sometime, but I want it to be on my timetable, not hers. I also want time to put her stuff into boxes so it's as quick as possible. And I need the address she's staying at so I can send her tax disc, since the car is in my name, I'm the one who'll get in trouble if it's not taxed. Argh my head just wants to explode. Can't wait to start NC again.
Author smk Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Yeah I've been on a huge downer tonight too fella. Most of the day was relatively good but I got a text and a voicemail tonight asking for a meet over coffee tomorrow... yeah like thats gonna happen! Unfortunately we do have things to iron out, and she has loads of s*** to pick up, so I can't just NC her azz. Went to see Inception with friends, which is a pretty cool movie but I didn't really enjoy it cos my head is all mesed up. I've said I'm busy til Monday (though I'm really not!)... mostly to get the control back in my half. It does have to be done sometime, but I want it to be on my timetable, not hers. I also want time to put her stuff into boxes so it's as quick as possible. And I need the address she's staying at so I can send her tax disc, since the car is in my name, I'm the one who'll get in trouble if it's not taxed. Argh my head just wants to explode. Can't wait to start NC again. completely off topic here but it makes me feel a little normal seeing as I am not the only UK person here at this hour...LOL... I have no idea how I switched - I had been doing really well since last night, then all of a sudden and bang things just flipped aorund.... I seem to be getting back to the way I was but still I hate the way emotions just pop up and **** everything up.... Well you are almost on complete NC - as much as I have my moments of weakness I realise that even if i did break NC I dont know what I would say and I think thats whats keeping me from breaking it.... Well soon enough you will be able to go NC... Good luck bro... and thank you to everyone - if it werent for LS i would be a complete wreck...
cookie2 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Oh yeah I ain't sleeping yet. Got back from the cinema at 12 knowing I had to say *something* otherwise she'd be on my doorstep tomorrow. I'd love to follow the advice in the other thread and just chuck her stuff out onto the front garden, but I need to tread carefully. If things turn hostile she could make a play for half of my house. It's killing me to act nice to her but I have to do it!!
spriggig Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Dumpers, especially women it seems, PLAN their exit. My STBXW claims she felt terrible for years before and by the time it all came out she "had no more tears left to cry" (too bad she never showed that distress to me, I would have helped). They don't get over it easier, they get over it first and then dump you. Of course the whole time they're doing this, they continue to say ILY and hide their destruction of the relationship, fueled by anger at you, the same way they hid the pain that drove them to destroy the relationship. This is how you got blindsided and why they seem to get over it so easily.
lullaby Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Dumpers, especially women it seems, PLAN their exit. My STBXW claims she felt terrible for years before and by the time it all came out she "had no more tears left to cry" (too bad she never showed that distress to me, I woud have helped). They don't get over it easier, they get over it first and then dump you. Of course the whole time they're doing this, they continue to say ILY and hide their destruction of the relationship, fueled by anger at you, the same way they hid the pain that drove them to destroy the relationship. This is how you got blindsided and why they seem to get over it so easily. It's true that women usually plan their exit ahead of time, although they are not all the same. I'm a woman and was a dumper in the past, it lasted 5 years, and I told him many times that I wanted the relationship to change, we tried to fix things and didn't work, by the time I left him he was no near surprised. It was terribly painful for me even as the dumper because there's always that question of 'am I doing the right thing?' The thing is that we as the dumpee tend to think they get away easily and they don't, it's just that the dumper has already been dueling over it longer, and of course we're gonna be hurt, they take something away from us and tear us apart... I know this hurts Smk, be strong and hang in there, OK?
Thorgs Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Well you already know how mind ****ed I am right now so I will spare everyone. You are doing better than I am my friend!
jen_r Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 you know, I keep trying to put myself in HIS shoes. The boyfriends I had dumped in the past, I didn't think twice about it, I didn't want to hear a word they said - I moved on with my life fine. What if I am that person to my ex, what if he sees me as disposable garbage, ya know? I had never been hurt before him, but he had been hurt badly before me - so i would think he knows how it feels to be on the receiving end. But really, how are you supposed to end a relationship? We can't force these people to be with us... (this may be the booze talking, but I understand where my prick of an ex may be coming from...)
hurt and devastated Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 All I know is, I regret stirring up all those anthills when I was little. Metaphorically speaking, that's what it feels like at first when it all goes down. She claims she still hurts and feels bad but has also has an ad on Adult Friend Finder for almost a month so whatever...
Author smk Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 well i think i was on that down of the roller coaster yesterday, havent yet started the up hill climb again, but at least am not still stuck in the dark abyss, am more on a straight line at the moment, not down not up... I think the booze stirred up some emotions yesterday... Anyways thanks everyone for reading my vent/rant...
106rob Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Yeah I've been on a huge downer tonight too fella. Most of the day was relatively good but I got a text and a voicemail tonight asking for a meet over coffee tomorrow... yeah like thats gonna happen! Unfortunately we do have things to iron out, and she has loads of s*** to pick up, so I can't just NC her azz. Went to see Inception with friends, which is a pretty cool movie but I didn't really enjoy it cos my head is all mesed up. I've said I'm busy til Monday (though I'm really not!)... mostly to get the control back in my half. It does have to be done sometime, but I want it to be on my timetable, not hers. I also want time to put her stuff into boxes so it's as quick as possible. And I need the address she's staying at so I can send her tax disc, since the car is in my name, I'm the one who'll get in trouble if it's not taxed. Argh my head just wants to explode. Can't wait to start NC again. i did the same thing,but we left an hour into it (as it was getting good lol) my head was too messued up to follow it properly,lookd quite good though and i know how you feel i saw my ex yesterday,bumped into her walking the dog i was with mine,didnt say anything she just waved at me from across the street but looked like she didnt have a care in the world........ went out with her brother yesterday and tried not to talk about her all the time (obv he is kinda caught up in the middle of it all as we were friends before hand,he got us together in the first place) but he said he doesent know whats going on in her head and he thinks shes a dick tbh.....all her prev boyfriends have walked all over her and treated her like ****e,the last one cheated on her and everything yet she still chased after him for months! he was lapping it up and she got depressed over it all......and now i treat her with respect and like a princess and get the boot! apparently i didnt give her enough"space" :S my guess is she likes the badboy image and iv no doubt she will end up again with someone who treats her like dirt!
cookie2 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Yeah I got the same thing dude. My STBXW lost a crapload of weight, complained about lack of space and suddenly decided she likes the whole bad boy thing. Could've done that before promising she'd spend the rest of her life with me, eh!! I too believe that anyone she gets with, especially if it's OM, will treat her really bad and discard her when they're bored of her. In fact that thought helps me sleep at night
silic0ntoad Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 @SMK- It's natural to feel these types of feelings. When someone takes love from you, bleeding, it hurts. It's the most painful thing one could imagine. The loss of a spouse through death is ranked number one as the most damaging things to people, even above the loss of children through death. Human beings are capable of amazing feats of emotion, and the lowest of dastardly cowardice. People who end relationships do so for a plethora of reasons; but none of them matter. What matters is the healing process, which includes grief, and anger. You will come through it. I've been the dumper and dumpee. I have looked back to this day at one girl in particular that I KNOW I made a mistake of dumping. She's married now, with Kids. We aren't friends, but you know what? It was my choice, and I am the one left now saying "What if?" when it comes to Becky. When it comes to T, I can say, bleeding, bent and broken, I fought to the end. That's what brings me solace.
Author smk Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I remember the day we broke up my ex telling me that she had stopped being my GF 2 weeks before that - i dont think she meant to say it and it just came out, and when I questioned it, she backtracked and said she was so stressed out by everything that she wasnt talking sense, now I know that she had obviously started detachoing herself for a while before we actualy broke up. The worst thing is if that is true, that means that in her mind she had broken up with me around the time I moved in with her (on her suggestion).... How stupid do I feel right now... Its amazing how when you love someone, your mind ignores all the negative bits and focuses on the good things only....
skydiveaddict Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Its amazing how when you love someone, your mind ignores all the negative bits and focuses on the good things only.... so true and that's when you get your heart smashed
Author smk Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 so true and that's when you get your heart smashed yeah tell me about it - we give someone the power to truly destroy us in the hope that they never will use that power and whether intentionally or unintentionally thats exactly what happens... I recall telling my ex that if there ever was one person in this world who could truly shatter my world it was her, and that she could simply do it with words... and here I am today.... The twists and turns that life throws our ways huh...
Thorgs Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Love - giving someone the power to break our hearts, but trusting them enough not to. That is what is all comes down to.
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