bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 OMG please help me! I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to start all this **** again, but I am so gd weak! We never officially broke-up and I am sure that I have to do that someday but I am just not strong enough. We got in a huge fight with him blind-siding me about stuff that happened months ago just so he could tell me that he was having personal struggles, never wanted this relationship, etc. Before when this happened I always went crawling back and begged him to reconsider, even though none of it was ever my fault. I need to be strong, I need to tell him to **** off and get his ****ing **** together before he even talks to me again! Why can't I? What makes me so gd weak??
Username37 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Ignore him. Or tell him not to talk to you anymore for you're trying to recover.
smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Ignore him. Bonpaw - USERNAME has just been through this... you dont want to break NC.... ignore it completely... leave your phone at home, put it away for 30 mins, go for a walk, phone another friend, text another friend, post here, do whatever you need to, my advice is dont break NC....
Username37 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Bonpaw - USERNAME has just been through this... you dont want to break NC.... ignore it completely... leave your phone at home, put it away for 30 mins, go for a walk, phone another friend, text another friend, post here, do whatever you need to, my advice is dont break NC.... It's true. On my thread, I was flipping a bitch about this text. I was thinking about it like crazy "What did she mean?" "Does she want me back?" "Should I break NC" Hell today, I was CLOSE to breaking it. Please don't. What good will come from it? Be strong!
Author bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 I know I posted on your thread telling you not to do it! How do I get closure if I don't talk to him though? How do I ever get to tell him what a manipulative ****ing quitter he is??? I am just so ****ing furious with the "HI" I could just pull him through the phone and beat the living **** out of him!!!! I am more furious with myself that I want to talk to him. I am sure that it is driving him crazy, I am always the one that breaks NC and comes crawling back....things are never going to change, it is going to be this ****ty nightmare of on-again off-again if I don't stop it NOW!
smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I know I posted on your thread telling you not to do it! How do I get closure if I don't talk to him though? How do I ever get to tell him what a manipulative ****ing quitter he is??? I am just so ****ing furious with the "HI" I could just pull him through the phone and beat the living **** out of him!!!! I am more furious with myself that I want to talk to him. I am sure that it is driving him crazy, I am always the one that breaks NC and comes crawling back....things are never going to change, it is going to be this ****ty nightmare of on-again off-again if I don't stop it NOW! We get closure within ourselves, closure is a frame of our minds, and we dont need to talk to them about it... I never got that one final conversation with my ex and say all the things I wanted to, and trust me I have replayed every conversation in my mind, and you know what no matter what we say its not going to change the outcome or the past. You wont gain anything by telling him what he is, all it will do is give you temporary relief and then you may still not have closure... As I said in USER's thread "let sleeping dogs lay" - he wants a reaction and he has got it out of you - by replying and getting angry at him all you will do is showing him how much it bothers you, and i know it does, but why give him the satisfaction of it... By ignoring it, you are taking control of the situation and showing him that you dont need him in your life, it may not be as simple as that but hey he doesnt need to know does he??? we all want to talk to our exes when they text or call, but what do you say, is it going to change anything?? no it wont - there is no point - he just wants to see how much control he has over you and by replying you will give him the reins to control you... BTW this is my opinion and as I said to USER do what your heart and mind tells you...
Treasa Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Texting you "hi" doesn't mean squat. For all you know, it could have been a text meant for someone else. Don't text or call or write him back. If he has something important to say, he'll find a way to say it. "Hi" should be a tiny blip on the radar and not elicit any response from you. I know, easier said than done, but I don't think that responding will make you feel any better. What exact closure do you want? Whatever it is, he isn't the one to give it to you. You are.
smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Texting you "hi" doesn't mean squat. For all you know, it could have been a text meant for someone else. Don't text or call or write him back. If he has something important to say, he'll find a way to say it. "Hi" should be a tiny blip on the radar and not elicit any response from you. I know, easier said than done, but I don't think that responding will make you feel any better. What exact closure do you want? Whatever it is, he isn't the one to give it to you. You are. Harsh but true - I wanted to break NC and Treasa's & TM's words gave the boot up the arse that i needed....
2sunny Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Texting you "hi" doesn't mean squat. For all you know, it could have been a text meant for someone else. Don't text or call or write him back. If he has something important to say, he'll find a way to say it. "Hi" should be a tiny blip on the radar and not elicit any response from you. I know, easier said than done, but I don't think that responding will make you feel any better. What exact closure do you want? Whatever it is, he isn't the one to give it to you. You are. he made no effort to apologize or own the behavior that ended the relationship. there is nothing to say unless he comes knocking on your door - face to face - apologizes and states exactly what change you can expect that will give you a firm idea that you never step back into the same situation that drove you apart. he hasn't said a thing. why would a Hi send you into such a tizzy? it means NOTHING! he's made NO effort to reassure your peace of mind - so there is no need to respond at all.
Treasa Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Had to go back and retrieve something: "Dear M - I hate obsessing about you. I hate the feeling that I did something wrong, that I did something to make you to treat me this way. I have never been anything but good to you. These are your issues, your problems, they have nothing to do with me. I need to be strong enough to stay away from you. I need to break this cycle. The cycle of absolute bliss of being together and spending time doing what I love with the man I love, to absolute devastation when you ignore me, break the pattern, tell me that I never give you space when you don't ever ask for it until you are running away. I am so tired of the games. I know that you will come running back to me apologizing as soon as I go away. Why can't you just stay in love with me? Why do I have to sit here absolutely crushed every single month when this happens? Why should I have to pretend that I don't care about you to get you to give a s--- about me??? I know that I need to leave and never look back. But you are so ingrained in my life, you are part of everything I do, I don't know how to leave you without leaving everything I know, everything I have.... Please leave me alone. Can anyone help me get over this???" Honey, abuse is a cycle. Only one person can break the cycle. Are you that person? Because he sure as hell isn't.
Author bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 I agree that HI doesn't mean anything. He is manipulating me and making me crazy, because he is crazy that I haven't contacted him. He wants to know that he still has a hold on me, which of course he does, but I can't let him know that. So many ways that a weak mind interprets a HI....I just know that if I answer the next thing he is going to say is how much he loves me and misses me and made the biggest mistake of his life...I don't know that, I am just hoping against all reason that would be the case....
Author bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Had to go back and retrieve something: "Dear M - I hate obsessing about you. I hate the feeling that I did something wrong, that I did something to make you to treat me this way. I have never been anything but good to you. These are your issues, your problems, they have nothing to do with me. I need to be strong enough to stay away from you. I need to break this cycle. The cycle of absolute bliss of being together and spending time doing what I love with the man I love, to absolute devastation when you ignore me, break the pattern, tell me that I never give you space when you don't ever ask for it until you are running away. I am so tired of the games. I know that you will come running back to me apologizing as soon as I go away. Why can't you just stay in love with me? Why do I have to sit here absolutely crushed every single month when this happens? Why should I have to pretend that I don't care about you to get you to give a s--- about me??? I know that I need to leave and never look back. But you are so ingrained in my life, you are part of everything I do, I don't know how to leave you without leaving everything I know, everything I have.... Please leave me alone. Can anyone help me get over this???" Honey, abuse is a cycle. Only one person can break the cycle. Are you that person? Because he sure as hell isn't. You are the best Treasa!! Thanks
Treasa Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 So either the hi means nothing, in which case you don't need to contact him, or the hi means he wants you back so he can abuse you more, in which case you definitely SHOULD NOT contact him. Your ex sounds like my ex. I didn't think I could live without mine. It's been two and a half months, a little more than one month NC, and I'm doing pretty damn well! No more feeling like I'm walking on eggshells, no more wondering if he's going to be nice to me today, no more wondering if he's going to dump me AGAIN today, no more rearranging my life to make him happy. You have everything you need....WITHOUT him. Go look in a mirror.
Author bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 So either the hi means nothing, in which case you don't need to contact him, or the hi means he wants you back so he can abuse you more, in which case you definitely SHOULD NOT contact him. Your ex sounds like my ex. I didn't think I could live without mine. It's been two and a half months, a little more than one month NC, and I'm doing pretty damn well! No more feeling like I'm walking on eggshells, no more wondering if he's going to be nice to me today, no more wondering if he's going to dump me AGAIN today, no more rearranging my life to make him happy. You have everything you need....WITHOUT him. Go look in a mirror. Found another twin here ) Thanks again, I do/did all of those things and more just to make him stay and not freak out, and lost myself, self-respect, self-esteem in the process. I am getting stronger every day, and I am not going to respond....EVERYTHING would have to change in order for him to get me back, and he is not willing to change at all, so it will never happen. I am ok with that, I just need the strength and resolve to keep away.
smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I agree that HI doesn't mean anything. He is manipulating me and making me crazy, because he is crazy that I haven't contacted him. He wants to know that he still has a hold on me, which of course he does, but I can't let him know that. you have said it all here... So many ways that a weak mind interprets a HI....I just know that if I answer the next thing he is going to say is how much he loves me and misses me and made the biggest mistake of his life...I don't know that, I am just hoping against all reason that would be the case.... We love them, unfortunately this plays with our emotions, and at the end of the day we as human beings want/need that companionship and hence we do irrational things, we have moments, where all logic goes straight out the window, and we generally tend to focus on happy memories as opposed to uhappy ones simply because thats what we have been brought up to do. In this unfortunate scenario we must look at both the good times and the bad times, as good as the good times were, the bad times were just as bad, they left us for whatever reason they had, and since they ,made the choice to leave us, even though right now we maybe suffering in the long run its going to be them going through the what if's... We miss them, we love them, every little thing reminds us of them, I cant even go into a starbucks, but you know what I am now trying to make my mind realise that she left me, she didnt think I was worth the fight, so in the end its her loss... I still cry, I still wake up each morning and think about her, and try to fall asleep thinking about her, my days are still filled with her thoughts, but the truth of the matter is that she left me, she didnt think I was worth the fight, and you know what I am now beggining to realise that right now I may feel as though its my loss because she brought me such happiness and joy, ultimately I wont have the what ifs in my mind because I did everything I could, I tried everything I could to sva what was left, but she had made her decision and unfortunately I couldnt change that, and now what I have is the memories.. Anyways I think that turned into a little bit of a rant, but you know what "hi" means nothing, he knows where to find you, and if he really wants something then he will find you....
Treasa Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I think that every person who can't stop thinking about their ex needs to come up with a list of 10 goals they want to achieve, and then get started on the first one. Here's my partial list: 1. Get my black belt in my martial art (working on it!) 2. Take motorcycle riding lessons 3. Take horseback riding lessons 4. Take swimming lessons (yeah, I'm not the greatest swimmer after years of not utilizing that skill) 5. Learn to fly a plane There are many others, but these are the things I want to do in the next five years.
smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I think that every person who can't stop thinking about their ex needs to come up with a list of 10 goals they want to achieve, and then get started on the first one. Here's my partial list: 1. Get my black belt in my martial art (working on it!) 2. Take motorcycle riding lessons 3. Take horseback riding lessons 4. Take swimming lessons (yeah, I'm not the greatest swimmer after years of not utilizing that skill) 5. Learn to fly a plane There are many others, but these are the things I want to do in the next five years. Heres my list: 1) Get my mojo back (I know TMI) 2) Train for my half marathon in October and complete in 2 hrs and train for London Marathon in April 3) get 6 pack by xmas 4) Start Swimming 5) Start Playing Squash Again 6) Become a volunteer 7) Get my driving license 8) Learn a new language (either portuguese or spanish) 9) Take up martial arts 10) Live life to the fullest....
Ilovecake Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I know I posted on your thread telling you not to do it! How do I get closure if I don't talk to him though? How do I ever get to tell him what a manipulative ****ing quitter he is??? I am just so ****ing furious with the "HI" I could just pull him through the phone and beat the living **** out of him!!!! I am more furious with myself that I want to talk to him. I am sure that it is driving him crazy, I am always the one that breaks NC and comes crawling back....things are never going to change, it is going to be this ****ty nightmare of on-again off-again if I don't stop it NOW! Wow this takes me back some months. Whether you talk to him or not you will ever have satisfactory closure. There will always be something unanswered in the air. Let the text go, delete it off your phone so you're less tempted to keep going back and looking at it. Believe me you two are officially broken up, it no longer needs to be said. Telling him off will also not make you feel better. The only thing that can help you now is having willpower and self-respect; you do that by ignoring his crumbs via text message. He abandoned the relationship, from what you say not the first time either. How dare he come at you out of the blue with a simple Hi! He doesn’t deserve you answering him or even thinking about him.
Author bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Thank you all for your comments and advice, I have read every single word (more than once, sorry but now you all are officially my "stalkees") and feel stronger than ever. He quit me, I was never good enough to be "the one" he always had doubts, so now he will be forced to see what he lost because I WILL NOT BE THERE to SAY HI!!!! Thanks again, I am so lucky to have found LS and all of you...
2sunny Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I agree that HI doesn't mean anything. He is manipulating me and making me crazy, because he is crazy that I haven't contacted him. He wants to know that he still has a hold on me, which of course he does, but I can't let him know that. So many ways that a weak mind interprets a HI....I just know that if I answer the next thing he is going to say is how much he loves me and misses me and made the biggest mistake of his life...I don't know that, I am just hoping against all reason that would be the case.... IF he were available - his message would not have said hi... it would have screamed I AM OFFICIALLY DIVORCED - I WANT TO DATE YOU!!! but it didn't - did it? you have ll the info you need to know. he's just trying to lure you back into his evil web.
Author bonpaw2008 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I didn't respond, but now I am sitting around waiting to see if he will try again....thinking that I made a mistake and that if I would have answered he would have told me something I wanted to hear. I don't even want to hit submit on this one because I am so ****ing pathetic. I know that he doesn't give a **** about me. I know that if he did I wouldn't feel like such absolute horse **** all the gd time. How did this happen to me? I am such a self-assured confident person in real life, how did I get so ****ed up? I run an entire division of a multi billion dollar company, and I can't get over one stupid gd ****ing dick that doesn't give a **** about me???? GD IT! Why do I ****ing care so much??
Author bonpaw2008 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 OK better this morning. Did something that I needed to do for over a week, cleaned out my FB. Instead of doing it the right way I just haven't gone on in a week. I deleted him, deleted the ****ing 100s of pictures of me and him, and untagged myself from another 100 that we were tagged in together. We belong to the same active group in FB, and have 170 friends in common, what do I do about that? Do I make a public ****ing scene saying "sorry I have to step away for a while" or do I continue to get emails/PMs/wall messages that are related to him? If it is NC I know what I need to do, but gd it these are my friends too, F...U...C...K!!! I hate you so gd much you stupid selfish bastard! Thanks you guys hopefully I can end this thread soon
cookie2 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I don't get why people have so many FB friends, personally. The only friends I have are people who are actually my friends or relatives, and who would actually give a damn when my relationship status changed from "married" to "it's complicated". That's when you find out who really cares. Why would anyone want people they barely know to see their holiday snaps or daily updates of what they ate for dinner? I'd recommend major pruning, 170 friends in common, do you really speak to all of them?
Author bonpaw2008 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 We went to HS together 20 years ago so we do have many friends in common. We also belong to this group that has a bunch of members that are also friends. I do not talk to all of them, some of them I would be fine deleting, but there are some that I would be sad to lose....do I just let them notice that I am gone, not active, and wait for them to ask? Or do I tell everyone (I would like to tell everyone what a ****ing prick he is but I have more class than that)
cookie2 Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I regard FB as a method of communicating with people you are friends with. There are very few ppl on there that I am not friends with IRL. I only have 2 friends from school (20 years ago also) who were my closest friends, and we still keep in touch. Almost all of the others I see at least weekly or monthly. I see hundreds of people whose names I recognize on the "you may also know"... but if they're not my genuine friend - they don't get on. Anyone who is (or has become) a "facebook friend" - delete em. Thats just my philosophy though, I know some people like to be friends with every one they've ever met and their mums!
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