archivist Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 For my birthday in January my ex bought me concert tickets for my favorite band in September. I really want to see this band and I can't see why I should not be entitled to ask as she has kept all the gifts I gave her and more. I know I can ask a friend to ask for me but to me that sounds disrespectful and I know I shouldn't care about her feelings but it also doesn't sit right with me, it's not my style. Our breakup was not messy, I was totally blindsided by her when she wanted to break it off but I knew something was wrong. I just thought it was a bad phase in our relationship which would smooth out. The last time I spoke to her, I was angry and upset that she just wanted to end things and not keep on trying. We haven't spoken since that day 8 weeks back. I do not plan to reminisce about good times or ask for another chance, I just want to keep it short and simple. If she does want to talk about the past I may be drawn into it but I will have my guard up and I wont divulge too much. I know in my head how I should handle it but who knows what kind of emotions will get dragged up. I want to do this via text message. I'd appreciate anyone's thoughts or opinions on this. Thanks P.S If i get the tickets I don't plan to take her.
cookie2 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Do you always want to remember seeing that band with a ticket that she bought for you? I know I wouldn't. It would ruin the whole day. Buy a new ticket, and enjoy.
YellowShark Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 If you really feel the need to see the band and break NC then text: "I would like the concert tickets you gave me for my birthday, please leave them in the mailbox and I shall pick them up on Friday at 5pm. Thank you." Or "I would like the concert tickets you gave me for my birthday, please give them to our friend "Steve" and I shall pick them up from him. Thank you." Say nothing more.
Author archivist Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 The tickets are sold out, it doesn't bother me that she bought them for me. I still have many items of hers that I still use as does she (we had been together for 3.5 years). Of course I am annoyed and angry at her decision but I don't hold a deep resentment for her, I've kind of reached the point of acceptance after 8 weeks. She chose to leave and nothing I do or say is going to bring her back, if she really wanted to work things out she knows how to reach me. I like to think I'm a level headed person who can keep my emotions in check. I do however have another group of friends who are going but their tickets are not as good as mine. If I get my tickets I will ask a friend from work or something to join me. But if things don't work out that group is my back up plan and I will buy a spare ticket from them.
bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Yea if you really want to go get your own ticket. I am going through the same thing, but I am the holder of the tickets I have only been NC for 7 days and I know that we still have things to sort out. He is a dead beat that owes me money, and I have concert tickets that I bought for his bd. Do I do the nice thing and give him the tickets anyway?? I have been ****ing nice enough and I am pretty sure I am going to tell him to pound sand. He is too much of a coward to ask for them outright anyway. I have gone out of my way to be the giver in my relationship, and all I ever got was sucker-punched just about every month with "it's not you it's me". He can "personally struggle" to get his own ****ing tickets....but that is my OPO
Jilly Bean Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 If she bought you tickets 7 months ago, and you don't have them because she never gave them to you, then their not yours. I am more than certain she plans on going, and taking someone else. I think breaking NC to ask about them is pretty icky. "Hi, Martha? This is Henry. Yeah, listen, about those concert tickets you bought me for my birthday in January? I know we've been broken up for months and all, and that you never actually GAVE me the tickets heh heh, but I'd still like to go, and I plan take someone else, so do you mind dropping them by sometime?" Shoe on the other foot - how would YOU respond to this? The loss of tickets is a casualty of the breakup. Let it go...
mickleb Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 PLEASE buy a spare ticket from your mates and hold onto your dignity. Despite how you may protest, this really seems to be an excuse for breaking NC. If it appears this way to me if will definitely appear that way to her. I know you hold no resentments, that is by the by. You can do without the 'better' tickets. Unfortunately, if you didn't sort this out at the time, it's one of those things that you need to let go. Don't cheapen yourself for a slightly superior view. x
Author archivist Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 JB you do raise an interesting point, I didn't consider it from that perspective. I must admit that does make me have reservations about asking. Another idea is to ask a mutual friend to ask her what she intends to do with the tickets? Can I just say that the tickets were given to me in my birthday card but it was just an e-mail confirmation in an envelope. I just don't have the physical tickets they may even arrive by post at a later date I'm not really sure.
cookie2 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I have concert tickets that I bought for his bd. Do I do the nice thing and give him the tickets anyway?? I have been ****ing nice enough You know what... we should hold a LS swap shop! Everyone says what good things they've got of their ex's, and exchanges them for something they want.
bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 You know what... we should hold a LS swap shop! Everyone says what good things they've got of their ex's, and exchanges them for something they want. Fabulous idea!!! If anyone wants 4 tickets to see Emiem in Detroit in Sept, let me know
Author archivist Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 So the general consensus seems to be no. Which is interesting, everyone's opinion here is looking at it from a neutral point of view or maybe the perspective of the dumpee. My friends seems to think that I should ask since they were my birthday present but I understand are probably biased towards me. So right now I've asked my friend to hold onto a spare for me, If the ex offers I'll take them. I guess its stick to NC for now. P.S my friend just told me the tickets are up by £40 on eBay haha
Jilly Bean Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Well, if you have the email confirmation, you could always call ticketmaster or whomever, and ask them when the tickets will be mailed, and to where. But, beyond that, I would let it go. Whenever we end a relationship, we are always left with things we'd like to say, or items we've lost or are stuck with. It's really the unfortunate fallout of breakups - they're never entirely "done", so sometimes we have to force the closure and distance. 8 weeks is great healing time for you. I'd hate to see you go backwards just for a ticket, that ultimately, isnt enough, IMO, to sacrifice your own progress.
bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 So the general consensus seems to be no. Which is interesting, everyone's opinion here is looking at it from a neutral point of view or maybe the perspective of the dumpee. My friends seems to think that I should ask since they were my birthday present but I understand are probably biased towards me. So right now I've asked my friend to hold onto a spare for me, If the ex offers I'll take them. I guess its stick to NC for now. P.S my friend just told me the tickets are up by £40 on eBay haha I think our opinion is that asking for a BD present that you never had in your possession is not a reason to break NC. Friends might think that talking to her is easy, but we all know how absolutely hard it is. Don't slide back, be the bigger man. Not asking for them will make her have to think about it, and maybe she will offer them to you.
Author archivist Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 I'm sure she has the e-mail confirmation somewhere, since girls always have a bag on them and guys don't oh well
Author archivist Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 So my ex texted me today. A friendly message asking how I am and to remind me that the concert tickets will arrive soon and she really wants me to have them. Offered to drop them round sometime. I also have some letters for here here which she should pick up to. I haven't text back yet. Just going to sleep on it and see how to handle things in the morning.
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