Author TigerCub Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Do you consider yourself emotionally available? I mean I dated but I was in no way ready for anything for almost a year after all the drama. So it's nice to keep busy and things...but if you're not ready your doing a disservice to the guy..... That's a really good question. I plan on taking things slow and see where it goes. In the past, before this whole experience, if I didn't really feel it with a guy, I wouldn't lead them on or waste their time, and I would always end it after a few dates (I give a person a chance) but if I dont feel it, then I do end it so that they dont waste their time. I will definitely do the same in this case. I plan on taking it slow and just see where it goes. If I feel that I'm not in a place where I don't really have it in me to give, then I definitely wont drag it out.
Author TigerCub Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 oh sure, a cheater can change in the sense that they can take a vow to never actually cheat again. but I don't believe for one second that a cheater ever loses the desire to mess around with other people and would really be tempted if the perfect opportunity arose where they think they'll never get caught. That's definitely something I do consider. I only know of one success story..I had a friend in university that cheated on every single girl he dated, until he met some girl that just worked for him, they clicked and everything worked out well, and they got engaged and as far as I know they were together for 6 years and he never cheated on her. Its very rare, but I can't help but think of that story, and it kinda gives me hope, but at the same time, I dont know about the guy I've fallen for. Most cheaters though fall into the description u described, I believe. Thanks
Dexter Morgan Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 That's definitely something I do consider. I only know of one success story..I had a friend in university that cheated on every single girl he dated, until he met some girl that just worked for him, they clicked and everything worked out well, and they got engaged and as far as I know they were together for 6 years and he never cheated on her. Its very rare, but I can't help but think of that story, and it kinda gives me hope, but at the same time, I dont know about the guy I've fallen for. Most cheaters though fall into the description u described, I believe. Thanks even if I believed a cheater truly can change, the one phrase that comes to mind is "anything is possible" ya.....winning the lottery is possible.....but I'll go broke taking a chance when the odds aren't anywhere near my favor. best not to spend my money on it.......just like best not to waste my time on someone that has cheated.
Mombot Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 oh sure, a cheater can change in the sense that they can take a vow to never actually cheat again. but I don't believe for one second that a cheater ever loses the desire to mess around with other people and would really be tempted if the perfect opportunity arose where they think they'll never get caught. Very cynical.
Fieldsofgold Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 A serial cheater (like your married boyfriend), NO, they cannot change unless they have some sort of deep spiritual intervention. A person who did it once, made a HUGE "oops" and confessed, then yes, they can change You do realize IF he left his wife for you, he would cheat on you, right? You have to ask yourself if you're cool with that. Excellent! All the others, too. I have experience with a xbf/mm. I have good reason to believe that, while I was "the woman he was always looking for, but never thougt he would meet," if I did actually marry him, the hum-drum daily routine would set in, and soon "I" would be the one who didn't pay him enough attention, I would be the one with whom his feelings would grow cold, and he would be saying about me the same that he now says about his current W and OW! He had both!)
Fieldsofgold Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 First off, alot of what he SAYS sets off red flags. He is likely lying about several to many things to you. Don't watch what he says, watch what he DOES. Now on to your actual question: can cheaters change? Yes, they can. But they have to address their issues before they will. They have to recognize it as a fault, take responsibility for their actions (not blaming anyone else for their actions), feeling remorse and make amends or peace with it. They have to resolve the issue and then work on themselves and their coping skills. He cannot be doing this while actively cheating. He must end one relationship. I really don't see why you would stay with him if you see it as a dead end relationship. You don't want him to leave because he has a child, yet you are closing yourself off to a whole world where you would have what you want with an available man. Put yourself first. That's what he's doing. GEL Great advice from a savvy woman!
Author TigerCub Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 if I did actually marry him, the hum-drum daily routine would set in, and soon "I" would be the one who didn't pay him enough attention, I would be the one with whom his feelings would grow cold, and he would be saying about me the same that he now says about his current W and OW! He had both!) But isnt that the risk with ANY Relationship? In my mind, that's my fear about relationships & that's why I dont rush into things or make huge commitments unless I'm sure, because from I can tell (from other people's experiences) - that's pretty much marriage, everyone gets comfortable after a while & the spark dwindles ESPECIALLY After Kids. Thanks for the input
Dexter Morgan Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Very cynical. nope, very practical. but really, this comment coming from you? a woman who emailed a wife to rub her nose in crap and expects your MM to place you first before his children? my gawd:rolleyes:
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