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Not really considered cheating..but it still feels like it

bunnixkisses

By bunnixkisses
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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bunnixkisses Member

bunnixkisses

Posted
Posted

So.. I'm not sure how to react about this. Its one of those things where I KNOW I will blow up, and I should probably get someone else's imput first. I don't want to be to rash. Here's my story:

 

Me and my bf have been dating for almost a year now, and earlier in our relationship I found out he was on plentyoffish.com, even after we were dating. I confronted him about it, and initially he got defensive saying I was intruding on his privacy and what not. Which is completely understandable. But he did agree that it probably wasn't appropriate, and removed himself from the site. Well...MONTHS later (I'm talking like 6-8) I just got bored and wanted to check out to see if maybe he was on any other ones. (The thought hasn't even crossed my mind ONCE this entire time) and sure enough..he's on other dating sites, one of which was just added a few months ago using a picture I took of him! We don't have the best relationship, but we love each other. In my opinion, this is NOT the way to show it. Am I being rash about this? Should I be mad? He makes comments like "why are you worried, there's only fat girls on there." He's manipulative..and he's only trying to steer me away from being angry with him by joking around. Do guys just go on dating sites for kicks and giggles? Or for self esteem issues? Or is he seriously trying to find someone else? How do I react to this?

cookie2 Established Member

cookie2

Posted
Posted

You should absolutely be mad!

 

I would never even consider going onto a dating site while seeing someone seriously. Even if I did do it for a joke, I would definitely not put any of my real information or a real photo, it would all be made-up details.

 

Seems to me like he's preparing to move on, and making sure he has someone else lined up first. Or, he is already seeing someone else. Sorry :(

stace79 Established Member

stace79

Posted
Posted

He's a dou$!ebag, and you know this in your heart. You should end the relationship immediately. You say you love him but that the relationship is not good. It's not going to get any better.

truelovedoesnthurt Member

truelovedoesnthurt

Posted
Posted

i think with some men or women it is partly the fact they want to know theyre still attractive and wanted by someone else even if theyre happy in a relationship...i think the only way you'd know is if somehow you could access this account and see if there were messages from women etc...he might just be doing it for an ego boost...

 

however...dont be taken for a mug...you know more about whether this guy would really be serious about a dating site or not, we only know the story from the outside...

 

if you think he'd honestly be cheating on you then confront him.

meerkat stew Established Member

meerkat stew

Posted
Posted

Have learned from harsh experience that if you have been dating someone for a year, and they turn up on a dating site with recent pictures, it's time to break up and find someone new. No one who cares about your relationship enough would be out hunting like that, no real excuses or justification possible.

liveit Member

liveit

Posted
Posted

Do guys just go on dating sites for kicks and giggles? Or for self esteem issues?

 

Yes they do - for both.

 

Still he's not treating you fairly or honestly and you have every right to be angry. Make your needs known. Tell him if he doesn't stop you'll do the same thing to him that he's doing to you. That should get the message across and make him understand how much it hurts.

 

He's looking for validation of some sort which doesn't make him a bad guy, just immature and insecure. He needs to be honest with you about his insecurities so that you can both work through them together. Tell him about a few of your own as well. If he refuses to communicate and work with you then you may want to start working your way out of the relationship. Don't dismiss this as trivial because this will grow over time to something much bigger and by then there will be no trust to work with.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
How do I react to this?

 

With the vacuum that was formerly your presence impelling him into his electron void to assuage his ego while you move on to healthier, more compatible potentials. :)

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted

If you don't consider this cheating behaviour, you're wrong.

 

And to be clear, you wouldn't have checked for a profile if you didn't suspect he had one- leading me to believe you have no trust in him.

 

Develop the strength to dump him, because he's not life-partner material.

 

By your own admission, your relationship isn't wonderful and your SO is on a dating site even though he's in a "commited" relationship with you. What does that say to you?

 

If his profile was so easy to find, and he's advertising himself with a pic you took...come on... He's not trying to hide his intentions. Why would you put up with that?

 

You can hide your pic on POF- he could have done that and avoided your detection, but he didn't. I suspect it's because he knows he can talk you into believing anything he wants to spin.

Aedra Established Member

Aedra

Posted
Posted (edited)

Don't make any excuses for his behavior, this is a big slap in the face, even more so that he uses a picture that you took. I would dump his ass and cut off all contact with him, what an idiot. He doesn't love you as much as you think, no where near it. You deserve much better then him.

Edited by Aedra
VENUS1 Member

VENUS1

Posted
Posted

when they say . .its just for fun . . its a game . . DON'T BELIEVE IT!

carrie999 Established Member

carrie999

Posted
Posted
So.. I'm not sure how to react about this. Its one of those things where I KNOW I will blow up, and I should probably get someone else's imput first. I don't want to be to rash. Here's my story:

 

Me and my bf have been dating for almost a year now, and earlier in our relationship I found out he was on plentyoffish.com, even after we were dating. I confronted him about it, and initially he got defensive saying I was intruding on his privacy and what not. Which is completely understandable. But he did agree that it probably wasn't appropriate, and removed himself from the site. Well...MONTHS later (I'm talking like 6-8) I just got bored and wanted to check out to see if maybe he was on any other ones. (The thought hasn't even crossed my mind ONCE this entire time) and sure enough..he's on other dating sites, one of which was just added a few months ago using a picture I took of him! We don't have the best relationship, but we love each other. In my opinion, this is NOT the way to show it. Am I being rash about this? Should I be mad? He makes comments like "why are you worried, there's only fat girls on there." He's manipulative..and he's only trying to steer me away from being angry with him by joking around. Do guys just go on dating sites for kicks and giggles? Or for self esteem issues? Or is he seriously trying to find someone else? How do I react to this?

 

Ewww!!! Dump this guy. He's on dating sites, which proves he's still actively seeking something else...and his response is "why are you worried, there's only fat girls on there"???? Gross. He's a pig.

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