Ultimo12 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) Hello fellow users, I am new to this forum. After alot of prayers and talk with my own familly, I turn myself to this forums for support. Here is my story. I am a 25 years old caucasian man and I met a 26 year old chinese girl 4 months ago on an online dating site. She lives in Toronto and I live in Ottawa (about 5 hours drive), which makes it for the moment a long distance relationship. My main goal in life is to find a loving wife, marry and have a familly. I can describe myself as a man for who his loved one counts more than anything. Everything between us is going great, she has a very huge hearth, we share alot of things. The problem is the following. Before she met me, this girl was in a relationship with a white man for 4 years. Her familly accepted him, she saw herself getting engaged and married to him and have children, but it never came. In the end, that man discovered he was not happy with her and needed more adventure in his life, so he broke up with her. She was very hurt and begged him to stay with her, but it didnt work in the end. Her parents are currently in another country running a store to support themselves and their 4 children. They have made alot of sacrifices and her mom refuses our relationship on the basis that im not chinese. I have started taking mandarin classes in order to show my good intentions, and even wrote a letter to her mom saying that what happened with that other guy in the past was unfortunate, that i realize she wants whats best for her children, and that It would be an honor for me to meet her. But my girlfriend refused reading it to her yet as she thinks her mother needs time and is too stressed. Now, two weeks ago, I proposed to my girlfriend to get engaged and she accepted. She is very enthusiastic about it. The issue is, her familly pressures makes her worry alot. I listen to her about it and try to tell her that no matter what her mother says, she will always be her daugther and that eventually they will come around accepting us. My fiancee garantees me she will not abandon the relationship, but the degree to which she is affected worries me. I am anxious by nature, so this doesn't help. Right now, since her parents are in another country, she has to stay in Toronto to take care of her younger brother (16 years old). She wants to come live with me as soon as possible in Ottawa but she is waiting a bit to try to ease it on her parents and also so that her little brother gets his driving license. Every weekend, one of us takes the bus to see the other. She says that at the latest, she will come live with my in january next year. What mindset should I adopt about this? She is everything to me, I do not want to lose her, I can barely do my days at work. Any suggestions? Edited July 28, 2010 by Ultimo12
norajane Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 There really is nothing you can do to ease her anxiety or her parents' except give it time. Really, a proposal of marriage after a 4 month long distance relationship is not something that brings comfort to a parent's mind - it's way too soon to be proposing marriage to someone you only see long distance! Her parents need time, and she needs time. Be yourself, be consistent, and that's all you can do. If she backs out of this, then she wasn't the right girl for you.
lordWilhelm Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I agree with the previous poster; things have already moved pretty quickly, so just take your time now, and they'll probably accept you after some time has passed once they get used to you and they see that you're the kind that sticks around. Good luck!
Author Ultimo12 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 I want to thank you both for your kind words of encouragement. I guess I need to learn to be patient and to trust life. I am trying to work on my insecurities and my constant worrying.
BlackLovely Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 I want to thank you both for your kind words of encouragement. I guess I need to learn to be patient and to trust life. I am trying to work on my insecurities and my constant worrying. I would recommend that you deal with these issues before you get married. You are the only one who can make yourself happy. I think that your insecurity is driving you to commit to someone you barely know. Everybody is different, but I don't give a rat's ass what my parents think about my choices. Most women have been taught to please others at their own expense. Your girlfriend sounds like she is still a child emotionally; She still has to get Mommy and Daddy's permission. If she lives for their approval, your marriage will never be about the two of you.
2sure Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 If her parents accepted their daughter's former caucasion boyfriend of 4 Years ...and it ended badly - their current feelings probably stem from feeling they want to protect her. Also, you say that this previous relationship of 4 years was just before you....how much time was there between that relationship ending badly and you coming along? Getting engaged after a 4 month long distance relationship would not seem like a good idea to anyone's parents.
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