smrlvin Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 husband and i have been married 2.5 years. going great, have had our ups and downs but i'm definitely happy right now! : ) we are in a wedding coming up in JANUARY and the groom is having his bachelor party THIS weekend. WTF?! anyway, hubby will be going to the beach for 3 nights and 4 days. i know everyone that will be there, they will be golfing and hanging out and i've heard going out one night. no strip club (thank god hehe) but going to bars at the beach, where tons of people are, including hot girls. lol i cant' believe i'm typing about this but i'm dreading being home alone thinking about him going out, looking at other girls, girls looking at him and me not being tehre. ifind him very attractive, and i do trust him but not other girls and their actions. not that he would act on them, just the thought of other girls flirting or hitting on him or even being around him just sinks my stomach. i have always been this way. i know to trust him but i also don't like the unknown. will the single guys bring girls home? i hate to even think this way but i can't help it. how do you gals cope with hubby going to bachelor parties? i feel like we are past bachelor parties but i guess not. h'es 31 and i'm 31. any thoughts???
cookie2 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 If you think that your husband will be tempted to cheat just because he goes to the beach and sees "hot girls", then you don't truly trust him. If you do trust him then you know that he will say NO, no matter how hot they are or what they say or what his mates think or how much he has had to drink. It's reciprocation that is the problem... you are the only one to whom he returns attention, flirting and hitting on, right? You need to realize this is what matters, not the actions of others. He is the one who made a promise to you. The other girls didn't and they owe you nothing. It is 100% his responsibility to tell them to get lost if they try anything. If you truly trust him to do that, then you have nothing to worry about.
oldfashiongirlie Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Oh I know how you feel, I used to feel the same way around my ex. It seems like guys tend to forget about emotions and just go physical. Has he ever done anything to set your alarm on?. I.e being flirty in front of you with some other girl.. If I were you I'd go to that beach and show up randomly, maybe I'm crazy but do something about it, cause thinking about how much fun he's having can be a torture!. I guess keep yourself occupied instead of preoccupied.. Good luck and hang in there!!
Author smrlvin Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 i do trust he will say no...i just hate the thoughts my mind makes up. i don't know why i do it. the different scenarios. i've put on about 15 lbs since i've known him (5 years) and i guess i'm also a bit insecure in myself and he'll see other women who are much more fit than i and oooh i don't know. i just needed to talk this out and i'm glad i did. so stupid to even post. ugh. i wish i was going to the beach...lol
cookie2 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 No not stupid to post, that's what this forum is for If he wanted to find someone "more fit" then he would. He doesn't need a bachelor party or a beach for that. But he doesn't, he has you and he loves you and he only wants you. So just know that these scenarios are only in your head. Imagine the scenario you fear and imagine how he would really react in that situation. If you know he would show her his ring and say "sorry love" then that's all the information you need. Don't follow him to the beach, you will embarrass him and he will resent your lack of trust.
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 The feelings you are having are relatively normal and natural. The stronger your relationship is, the more you trust him, and the higher your confidence is the less you will concern yourself in this way. I'm 38 years old, attended many weddings, and never once attended a single bachelor party... Why? I see zero purpose in celebrating the end of bachelorhood... Well I stand corrected, I see no purpose in celebrating involving antics with other women. Celebrate all you want, in a respectable manner. Anyways, you might consider working on your while he's gone. Grab a girlfriend and get a 7 day pass to a local gym, and feel good super about yourself when he returns...
spriggig Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 He's not going to cheat, but you know that already. If he understood how you are feeling, he would (should) take pains to reassure you and let you know how beautiful you are to him and that you are and always will be number one in his life. I'm betting that 1)You haven't told him exactly and completely how you feel so that he understands and 2) That he doesn't have a clue what he needs to do to reassure you.
Author smrlvin Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 now that i have even talked about my feelings i feel much better. i do trust him, i dont' understand the celebration of the end of bachelorhood BUT i know it's another excuse to get all the guys together, no wives or gfs to pester them lol. i'm also looking forward to a weekend to myself. driving to the mtns to visit a gf for one day and the other 3...hmmm...maybe hiking and relaxing! : ) doesn't sound so bad now...: )
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Hey, smrlovin, I clicked on your screenname to look at your previous posts and stubled upon this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t220737/ Re-read that thread. I realize it was months ago. Give us an update please... To be honest many of the things you describe I have seen in my own marriage of 17 years (insecurities on her side, impatience on mine). I am curious how much your sweeping under the rug, and how much is really changing? Please do be honest, this is an anonymous forum where we can all help one another...
Author smrlvin Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 in response to my post months ago, things are great. i don't even know now how it changed but i don't nag about doing mundane things like i did, and everything has worked out, things get done without asking, no more yelling. it's awesome!! i can honestly say that. we had the 2 year marriage spat for about a month and we needed that. the 2 year mark does something to people, at least i think so. anyways, the women aren't going because the bride is actually out of hte country and the women to the men going don't ever speak or hang out or see one another. lol and i'm thankful for that!! lol
cookie2 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Bachelor weekends (or even weeks) are pretty common these days. As are hen weekends/weeks. Are you going to have a long hen weekend? You definitely have the right to, if he is having 3/4 days. It certainly doesn't mean he is up to no good, but he should allow you equal rights.
make me believe Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 A bachelor party is an evening out. 3/4 days/nights is not a bachelor party, it's a vacation. Why are the women not allowed to go too? Agreed. I question the appropriateness of a married man attending a 4 day long "bachelor party." If the OP is fine with it then ok.... but I don't think it's right. I don't think it's right for the soon-to-be groom to be having an entire 4 day vacation without his fiancee either, though. Seems like a strange way to begin a life together. (I wouldn't even WANT to go on a 4 day vacation without my SO!)
Author smrlvin Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 WOW Canada...i don't see what you are saying about the women not being invited. it's a bachelors weekend...they do guy stuff. anyways i'm glad the women weren't invited. i don't even like half of them anyways! lol and he is staying at the groom's house (i said his bride was out of the country right now). i'm looking forward to having the house to MYSELF!!! a vaca for me and in the comfort of my own home, is how i'm sorta looking at it LOL
spriggig Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 A bachelor party is an evening out. 3/4 days/nights is not a bachelor party, it's a vacation. Why are the women not allowed to go too? People with money tend to drag these things out because they can. Dunno if that's the case here.
sunshinegirl Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 So? If your h is going away to the beach for 3/4 days/nights, he'll need a hotel room, right? Why can't you go along with for a mini-vacation? He can go golf or whatever with his buddies and you can relax on the beach, go shopping, whatever. It sounds like the women weren't even invited. Frankly I think it's completely absurd and that the guys are probably up to no good. A bachelor party is one thing; 3/4 days in that enviroment without spouses along is just asking for trouble. This is alarmist. "3/4 days in that environment" - what "environment" do you mean, exactly? Do you envision them hanging out in bars all night every night for 4 days? The OP said ONE night of going out, the rest golfing & hanging out with the guys. I fail to see what's so dangerous about that. Then again, I suppose it depends on the character of the men in question, and also whether the OP and her husband are on the same page about what behavior "crosses the line".
D-Lish Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I don't think it's anything to worry about. IMO opinion, as much as the notion of a bachelor/bachelorette party is an antiquated ritual- I see nothing wrong with guys or girls having a get away and sharing time together. When I was married, I sometimes went away for weekends with my gf's- even took a week long vacation to Mexico with my best friend. He had no issue with me doing things like that- and he was free to do the same when the mood struck him. It's natural to have some reservations, but I am sure he'll appreciate it immensely if you let him go with your blessing.
Recommended Posts