Engadget Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Long story distilled because I'm not in the mood to type a lot, you may not want to read a lot. Friend's brother who I hang out with from time to time has an on again, off again relationship with this girl. Met her, and since my LTR breakup she's been the only girl I've thought about more than once in a great while. She flirted with me, I flirted back (Half serious because we joke around in the group, and other girlfriends do it and it means nothing) and things went south. So, I've spoken to her once in a while but despite the fact that I still think about her, nothing can happen. It's the bro code and all that jazz. Recently saw her and she kept giving me a look, which was a cross between being upset and feeling uncomfortable. She later told me she's pissed at the guy she's seeing, but then I didn't talk to her after that mention. Don't you hate when you feel something for someone, but it shouldn't happen, or cannot happen? I don't know, probably just infatuated but out of every girl I've met she's the only one I come back to in my mind. She's beautiful and when we have spoken, it flows very naturally and there's chemistry. Ah, oh well. C'est la vie.
carhill Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Another perspective is most women can tell when a man finds them attractive and, if the woman's personality is constructed in such a way, enjoy playing with/testing him. It's a challenge to get him to 'give it up', even more so if he's married. BTDT. Nice curve she threw with the 'revelation'.... she's probably pretty practiced at this. You're not really coveting your neighbor's GF; she's playing with you. Enjoy
Author Engadget Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) Another perspective is most women can tell when a man finds them attractive and, if the woman's personality is constructed in such a way, enjoy playing with/testing him. It's a challenge to get him to 'give it up', even more so if he's married. BTDT. Nice curve she threw with the 'revelation'.... she's probably pretty practiced at this. You're not really coveting your neighbor's GF; she's playing with you. Enjoy Well it's me who wants her so I am, and she's too young to play me She's the only girl I've remotely clicked with like I said, and it sucks nothing can ever happen. Edited July 28, 2010 by Engadget
carhill Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I would opine she is only 'too young' if she's a virgin. Any woman past the age of loss of virginity knows how to use her sexuality to manipulate people. Even young girls do. If nothing else, having little other life experience or skills, they know the look of 'I want sex' and use the same tools they learned to wrap daddy around their finger. It just gets more 'complex' as they get older. I know what you're saying and have done plenty of what I *thought* was coveting myself. Things aren't always as they seem to be. Regardless, since you're apparently aware of and inhibited by her relationship status, it follows no action will result, even in the face of any 'signals' from her. Right?
Dexter Morgan Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 of course she is going to say she is pissed at this other guy after something sort of happened between you two. and if you hook up with her, you'll be the guy she is pissed at when someone else attracts her eye.
Author Engadget Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Well she's dating him or she isn't, no one that knows them has any idea. He even cracks jokes about bringing her around so I can get with her because he's still pissed she flirted with me. He cheats on her constantly too, so she isn't all that smart and he accuses her of cheating and it's a mess. It just sucks that she's the only girl I've met since I've been single that I think about ever, and nothing can happen. Le sigh.
carhill Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Le sigh at the unhealthiness of it all..... what I came only recently to grasp was those kinds of people are who they are and won't suddenly morph into a loving and healthy partner just because I happen to be in the room. They'll continue doing what they do. It works for them. It's what they know. It might seem flirty and fun but it's just more incompatibility, presuming you're looking for a LTR...... honestly, I wish I had better news.
EasyHeart Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 If you're looking for a healthy, LT partner, this girl is not it. But if you're just looking for a little fun, I say go for it. I used to buy into that "bro code" BS when I was younger, until I realized that 20 guys were hitting on my girlfriends as soon as my back was turned. If they're not married, they're fair game.
Jilly Bean Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Any woman past the age of loss of virginity knows how to use her sexuality to manipulate people. Even young girls do. If nothing else, having little other life experience or skills, they know the look of 'I want sex' and use the same tools they learned to wrap daddy around their finger. It just gets more 'complex' as they get older. Damn you, Carhill! You not only cracked the mystery of women, but you also advertised it! Seriously, you are SPOT ON. The most desired commodity on the planet isn't money, or oil, or gold. It's PUSSY. And if you have one, and know how to use it, your life can, and will be, quite charmed. Even if that means at the expense of the unsuspecting and innocent. Listen to Carhill, Engadget. She's not interested, but she does get off on playing you a bit. She uses you to make her BF jealous (it works), so you're really just a pawn in their sick dynamic. When a woman casually mentions to an acquaintance (you) that she's "pissed at her BF", she's telling you so you can fawn a bit with concern, have her BF see it, and she'll get the mileage out of it for the ego stroke you give her, and also for making her BF upset. I'd vote stay away from her. Girls like this are BAD NEWS.
carhill Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 OP, I'll add that someone I loved a lot, and for many years, did this to me and, while I still love her dearly, I lost a good deal of respect for her. From subsequent contact, I think she senses this. She knew I was in the middle of a divorce and vulnerable. She's married and my best friend's daughter. I hope someday we can talk it out and find some resolution. Right now her priority (and I told her this directly) is her marriage. All that said, as Jilly rightfully shared, the power of the p*ssy is strong. With power comes responsibility. How one discharges their responsibility says a lot about one's character. I'm no saint and such mistakes have cost and taught me plenty. Hope it works out
Mimolicious Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Damn you, Carhill! You not only cracked the mystery of women, but you also advertised it! Seriously, you are SPOT ON. The most desired commodity on the planet isn't money, or oil, or gold. It's PUSSY. And if you have one, and know how to use it, your life can, and will be, quite charmed. Even if that means at the expense of the unsuspecting and innocent. Listen to Carhill, Engadget. She's not interested, but she does get off on playing you a bit. She uses you to make her BF jealous (it works), so you're really just a pawn in their sick dynamic. When a woman casually mentions to an acquaintance (you) that she's "pissed at her BF", she's telling you so you can fawn a bit with concern, have her BF see it, and she'll get the mileage out of it for the ego stroke you give her, and also for making her BF upset. I'd vote stay away from her. Girls like this are BAD NEWS. Reeeally??? I thik this site has more than a thousand examples of how the above mentality doesn't get anyone too far in life. Whether you are a W thinking that your punani is the last one on earth or OW thinking that yours in the best stuff on earth. She can fool herself and make her BF "upset" by using Engaget but when her BF dumps for immature and player she'll be weeping herself to sleep. So who's really charmed? JB- I hope you don't live by what you just wrote.
carhill Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 What the boyfriend does or doesn't do matters little to a person with such a mindset. She likely has a small cavalry of orbiters (sorry OP) whom she switches between for differing aspects of what she needs. Generally, her primary will be a man driven by his libido, as it is easier to control a man who thinks with his d!ck. Sure, he'll get angry, or, as written, suggest that he 'bring her by' for the OP to enjoy. Regardless, he'll want to f*ck her and she knows this and exactly how to manipulate it to her advantage. I was once such an orbiter (different person than in my prior post) and saw how this worked from the inside. It's fascinating. I found acceptance (of the unhealthiness) to be the key to disconnecting emotionally from the dynamic. It's a different path; one which has value to those walking it. I don't think the OP has any emotional attachment here but appears to have a passing interest they thought worthwhile to perhaps pursue. Short term, casual, fun? Perhaps, without expectations. Relationship material? Doubtful...
GordonDarkfoot Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 The next time you are alone with this girl tell her the following: "I would really like to have wild monkey sex with you but in order to risk my friendship with your bf, you would really have to make it worth my while. Are you game, or not? Sh*t or get off the pot." Then laugh and say: "Hey I was just goofing on you." "Not." This way she'll be confused a little bit. If she takes you seriously you will have sex with her. If she tries to tell her boyfriend you can honestly say you were just goofing on her.
WintersNightTraveler Posted July 30, 2010 Posted July 30, 2010 Just don't get drunk with her. Or don't be surprised at what happens if you do!
Author Engadget Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 Just don't get drunk with her. Or don't be surprised at what happens if you do! The night we flirted we were drunk, when we got back to my friend's house she started to lean against me and rub her leg against mine. Despite the urge to act on it, I got up and left. Mind you it was also the childhood home of the guy she was seeing, and he was back at the bar raging over her flirting with me. That being said, this guy and I went out drinking tonight and he told me she met someone else. I kind of feel bad for him but I'm not surprised that the girl I've thought about is seeing someone. Guess I didn't really care about her, it doesn't affect me. It must have just been lust, oh well.
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