Zannifer Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 So my LDR boyfriend of 1 year and 2 months broke up with me 4 days ago. We had been having issues common to LDR - communication issues, insecurities - but we had spent the summer working on them. I can't speak for him, but I was just starting to feel like things were improving - I was learning to be more independent and giving him more space, and he was starting to open up to me more and was making time for us. But suddenly, he started cutting me out again. I began to panic, pressuring him to talk to me, tell me what was wrong, but it only pushed him further away. Finally we were able to meet face to face, and he ended it. He took me aside and said he just doesn't think he'll have time for me anymore because he just found out his dad has cancer. He feels that he'll need to spend as much time as possible concentrating on his family, and it wouldn't be fair to me. I am crushed. I feel as though I have fallen from the highest peak straight into the deepest abyss. How could he cut me out at a time like this? I want so badly to be there for him, to support him through this difficult period in his life. Right after he ended it, I wrote him an email explaining how I felt and telling him that if he ever needed anyone, I'd be there to listen. How can I do NC in a case like this? A day later, he messaged me, saying he didn't know what to do and that as much as he didn't want to let me go he didn't think it would work out. But then why would he contact me? I wish I knew how he really felt. I want a second chance so badly, because I still feel like we were just starting to make progress and I was more hopeful than ever that our relationship would grow, would blossom. What should I do now?
SoSilly Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 My dad died of cancer and I also had to take him to his chemo appointments, etc. Not exactly a caretaker, but the rollercoaster of emotions involved is so high... I'm thinking your BF is just under a lot of stress. Parents having cancer is devastating and anyone having it, has a VERY slim chance of not making it. This was your fault: "I began to panic, pressuring him to talk to me, tell me what was wrong, but it only pushed him further away. " He doesn't need this right now. He has enough on his plate. If you truly want to make things work, keep it simple. Don't pressure him. Just let him know you have never been through something like this before and panicked, but you'll be there for him. End of story. The longer the message, the worse reaction you'll get.
Art_Critic Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Zannifer.. I sorry you have had to feel the heartbreak.. Breakups suck but they do happen for a reason. There could be many reasons why he won't let you in but in the end he didn't see the future with you and basically cut you loose to go find the love of your life.. It sounds like he is feeling the pressure and pile that on top of his already building doubts he had for the relationship he put a nail in the coffin and called it quits. Sorry you are hurting..
Author Zannifer Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 If you truly want to make things work, keep it simple. Don't pressure him. Just let him know you have never been through something like this before and panicked, but you'll be there for him. Thanks for your reply. I know you are right about how I should not have pressured him. I feel so bad about it, but it is what it is and I did not know any better at the time. I already wrote him an email the day after it ended, telling him I'd be there for him if he needed me, and I haven't contacted him since. I figure if he really needs to talk, he'll come to me, and if he doesn't I should just respect his desire for space. But at the same time, I don't know if I should hold out any hope for reconciliation. I still love him, and right now it really hurts. In a selfish way, I feel like if I let go know it'll be easier for me in the long run, but I really want to hold on and pray that he'll change his mind. Should I go NC in this case? Or should I try to be his friend...talk to him and keep things as normal as possible? And what should I say to him if he talks to me? His birthday is also coming up...wondering if it would be stupid to wish him a happy birthday at a time like this...
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