Perhaps Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) And I was pretty casual about it. I picked up cause I felt bad for her... Honestly, I don't have a vengeance bone in my body -- I'm all love. I feel bad because she is going through some serious family problems and I thought... What the heck... So what if I bow down a bit to pick up the phone... Atleast it makes her feel better... She said it feels good to talk to me and asked me if I'd call her in a few days... I asked why.... She said cause it makes her think I don't hate her. Truth is, I can't hate her... But I know that if I become her emotional pillar, I'll get tossed out the window if or when she finds a boyfriend. She stopped the drugs a month after I went nc. I told her that it would be completely different if she'd just listened to me. I wanted to let her know why I can't be friends... Because I was treated like ***** and I have no way of knowing that she won't turn into that person again if I give her my trust... But I figured she's going through so much... the last thing she needs is her emotional pillar giving her more *****. It's clear she called me for support buri don know what to do. I could be there and keep my wall up and feel good about myself as a compassionate human being or I could tell her off and feel guilty about leaving another in pain-- I know what it's like to be alone in bad times and I'd never wish that on anyone. She also mentioned that I'm lucky I'm not with her... I told her that she is no one to decide what is or isn't good for me... when my happiness mattered, I was never given a proper chance and it's too late to explain. She just needs support and feels guilt. She wants me to talk so she knows that I don't hate her but even though I've forgiven her, I haven't forgotten what I went through. All I has to do is listen to a Linkin Park or Three Days Grace song and I remember how I used to walk to school listening to those songs hating my life. I'm not where I want to be so I should avoid her but I just can't see her like this. What should I do? EDIT: the call ended on me asking her Why she wants me to call other than to know that I don't hate her... She just said "forget it, goodnight". Edited July 28, 2010 by Perhaps
DenverBachelor Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 And I was pretty casual about it. I picked up cause I felt bad for her... Honestly, I don't have a vengeance bone in my body -- I'm all love. I feel bad because she is going through some serious family problems and I thought... What the heck... So what if I bow down a bit to pick up the phone... That's fine, but it sounds like she was also looking for an ego-stroke to find out if you still cared about her and it sounds like you didn't really give her what she was expecting. I'm proud of you for being strong. You keep on doing what you're doing. Keep on truckin' !
Hop_prophet Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I could be there and keep my wall up and feel good about myself as a compassionate human being or I could tell her off and feel guilty about leaving another in pain Or you could leave her to deal with her own problems after she so callously threw you away. She is just using you to make herself feel better and nothing you described above sounds like she has any remorse or intentions beyond an ego boost. Do you honestly feel you are 100% over her and could "be there" for her with no expectations of anything else? You know it will only set you back. Stay stong and keep working on yourself. You don't have to insult her, just tell her you don't hate her and there are no hard feelings and then go back to NC and find someone better.
Author Perhaps Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 There no doubting the fact that she's looking for an ego boost, but I don't know if I should pick up the next time she calls... But all I know is that if I'm ever confused about choosing, I would pick the honorable thing. In this case, though I'm not 100% over her, I think I'll keep LC. However, do you guys think it'd be a good idea to directly tell her that I need a few questions answered before I can be her friend... Questions like... Why did you do all the things that you knew would hurt me? And how do I know I won't end up like that if I trust you?
cookie2 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 No, don't ask those questions. There are no possible answers that would make you happier. It will always end badly for you.
Author Perhaps Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 No, don't ask those questions. There are no possible answers that would make you happier. It will always end badly for you. Argh, I don't know what to do... Seems like she just wants to ease her guilt and have someone to cheer her up. She is genuinely sad but I'd be a real idiot to set myself up for another disaster but I can't not be nice.
cookie2 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Argh, I don't know what to do... Seems like she just wants to ease her guilt and have someone to cheer her up. She is genuinely sad but I'd be a real idiot to set myself up for another disaster but I can't not be nice. Yes you can not be nice. It might not be easy but it's not your problem any more. Not being nice is not the same as being not nice. By doing nothing, you do no harm. I'm exactly the same btw, I am expecting STBXW to come crawling whenever the smallest thing goes wrong for her, and it will be hard for me to ignore her. But do it I will. And so will you.
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