MRevolver Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) So the ex and I finally got together for dinner week before last. And this was literally the first time we'd hung out since our split 2 yrs ago. We had a really great time and agreed we should "do it again soon." So we wound up making plans to meet up on yesterday. He even asked me the night before if we were "still on" to which I said yes. Well yesterday rolls around and we wind up having the following conversation over text...literally 2 hrs before I was to drive up and meet him: Me: Hey we still on for tonight? Him (20 mins later): Sorry took me so long...works been crazy. What time you coming up? Me: Be there at 6. That still ok? Him (20 more mins later): You're not just coming into town to see me are you? Me: No. I had planned on coming up anyways to run a few errands. But seeing you was gonna be an added bonus. Why? Is it bad timing? Him: (No response) Me: (25 mins later) You still there?? Listen I know you've been busy recently with work, etc. so why don't we just reschedule for another time. Deal? Him: (5 mins later) Sorry was in the store...but yeah that sounds great And that was it. I of course didn't wanna cancel but felt I had no choice considering. He wound up texting me later that night to say "hey" but I didn't even respond . Mainly because when we split 2 yrs ago, I just remember he began canceling plans right before he decided "he just wanted to be friends." So how should I take this? I don't wanna jump to conclusions because things seemed to have been going good since we reconnected. But then again, I don't think last minute cancellations are a good sign of anything...any advice?? Edited July 28, 2010 by MRevolver
Yamaha Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I sense you want more than friends and so does he. Probably why he is backing away. If you don't want just friends then probably need to let it alone.
Jilly Bean Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 He doesn't sound interested in reuniting. Sorry.
lunita Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I don't know I think this is tricky. It's almost like he wanted to be the reason you were going there, because he didn't start to get weird until you said you were going to do a few other things. Like he didn't come right out and cancel and you kept sort of waiting him to confirm things when really you guys did make plans already. Am I the only one that sees that? Maybe he thought you didn't seem overly happy to see him and just wimped out?
spriggig Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) Him (20 more mins later): You're not just coming into town to see me are you? I don't know I think this is tricky. It's almost like he wanted to be the reason you were going there, because he didn't start to get weird until you said you were going to do a few other things. Like he didn't come right out and cancel and you kept sort of waiting him to confirm things when really you guys did make plans already. Am I the only one that sees that? Maybe he thought you didn't seem overly happy to see him and just wimped out? Guys don't do what you're saying, not in the way he asked, women do that. Guys are more direct--she interpreted his question correctly--he doesn't want to be the reason she's coming up because he doesn't want to let her down when he backs out. Also, if she WAS going up just to see him, she should have happily admitted it--that would have cornered him into admitting to her and himself exactly what his intentions were. WHEN you decide to (re)offer your heart to someone, do it boldly, confidently and completely--don't hold back in defense. Edited July 28, 2010 by spriggig
Author MRevolver Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) Thanks again for all the comments so far. This has really made me rethink any and everything that has happened between us since we reconnected. To be honest, I just assumed that the reason for the reconnect was to test the waters to see if there was a chance for us again because in my own defense, some of his actions prior to our convo could be taken as interest/flirtation (e.g. suggesting we only hang out when we can be alone, etc.). But on the flip side, many others (now that I'm looking back objectively) could be taken as him trying to draw that line between friendship and otherwise (i.e. mentioning an event, yet not inviting me to it, etc.). So honestly who knows with this one? There is an age difference. I'll be 30 in 2 months and he's 23, so maybe some of this is just immaturity on his part. But regardless, I think I'm gonna take the advice I've gotten so far, and look at everything he says/does from a strictly friendship perspective. If for no other reason than to retain my own sanity Edited July 28, 2010 by MRevolver
DustySaltus Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Me: Hey we still on for tonight? Are you having second thoughts? Him (20 mins later): Sorry took me so long...works been crazy. What time you coming up? Yes, let me plan my exit strategy (works been crazy). When are you getting here so I can come up with an excuse to fill that time. Me: Be there at 6. That still ok? I'm going to set a firm time that he needs to live up to. Him (20 more mins later): You're not just coming into town to see me are you? Uh oh, she's really serious about this. Let me make her feel like this is a burden on her, when it's really a burden on me. Me: No. I had planned on coming up anyways to run a few errands. But seeing you was gonna be an added bonus. Why? Is it bad timing? Yes, I want to see you. You better not be backing out. Him: (No response) **** Me: (25 mins later) You still there?? Listen I know you've been busy recently with work, etc. so why don't we just reschedule for another time. Deal? Hey, I'm ok with you breaking the plans. Would you like to do it again sometime? Him: (5 mins later) Sorry was in the store...but yeah that sounds great I'm off the hook.
Author MRevolver Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) Dusty: So according to what you said (which both made me completely crack up, in a tragic sort of way ) his reply of: (5 mins later) Sorry was in the store...but yeah that sounds great in regards to us getting together another time, could actually be translated... "meeting with you sounds good...but only right now. However give me a day or 2 and I'm gonna completely flake out again. It doesn't matter that I'm the one that initially contacted you and has continued to initiate it, because deep down I'm really just a young buck who wants to spread my oats across this nation sans you and your dreams of relationship! So please don't hate me for making up all these excuses. I really just wanna keep looking like the good guy! But you? I'm perfectly fine with making you out to be a crazy obsessive piece of flunkie meat." So is that about right?? Edited July 28, 2010 by MRevolver
DustySaltus Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Dusty: So according to what you said (which both made me completely crack up, in a tragic sort of way ) his reply of: in regards to us getting together another time, could actually be translated... "meeting with you sounds good...but only right now. However give me a day or 2 and I'm gonna completely flake out again. It doesn't matter that I'm the one that initially contacted you and has continued to initiate it, because deep down I'm really just a young buck who wants to spread my oats across this nation sans you and your dreams of relationship! So please don't hate me for making up all these excuses. I really just wanna keep looking like the good guy! But you? I'm perfectly fine with making you out to be a crazy obsessive piece of flunkie meat." So is that about right?? Unfortunately, yes. I was a jerk at 23 years old. Had no idea what I wanted and hurt some people. Only now (at 28) have I begun to realize what it takes to have a healthy, solid relationship. You're at two different phases of growth right now. Sure, there are always exceptions but he's not one of them.
Author MRevolver Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 BTW, clowns scare the crap out of me. lol everyone's always hatin' on my poor clown I have to be honest, I'm not a huge fan of them myself...but this one just kinda grew on me. lol As for my guy friend with the mixed signals, since Monday, I've taken everyone's advice and just began to look at & treat him strictly as a platonic friend with NO INTEREST. And low and behold, he's been contacting me like crazy!! He's invited me shopping (to which I declined and he got an 'attitude') and then on yesterday, he got upset because I wasn't immediately responding to his texts like I used to and actually went so far as to accuse me of being "too busy" to talk to him! So yes I think you were dead on when you said this guy just doesn't seem to know what he wants! One things for sure, he definitely doesn't like being ignored. But regardless, I'm happy with how I've been responding to him because at least now I feel like the powers back in my hands and I'm not expecting anything one way or the other.
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