LK30 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Hi all. I post on here so often so I apologise for stealing message space, but I suppose it's better than contacting my ex gf. 6 months no contact and don't think a day has gone by without thinking about her. I am just sick of it, and now I have lost a family member and I feel soooo guilty as I feel more gutted still about her than I do about my grandad. I wish he was here to give me some advice! I feel better when you guys on here say something positive and reassure me NC is good and things will get better, but I just feel like i'm taking 3 steps forward and 2 back every day. I really miss her, I was hoping she would get in touch as she knows I'm going through bereavement, but she hasn't and I don't expect her too. I really just can't shake her off and I'm getting worried guys :-(
northstar1 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Don't get discouraged. It took me a good 8/9 months to get over my prior ex, and that was only a year long relationship. I did what most do for the first few months, kept LC and all it did was smash my heart back to pulp when she would either take days to get back to me, or would write a cheesy 'group update' type of over the top happy email. She wasn't purposely trying to play games or be mean, she'd just moved on. It took me a while to grasp and accept that. Once I did, I realized that she could no longer impact my life, my happiness and whether I got my moping a** up in the morning or not. So I embraced NC and it did get easier The thing is LK, is that the healing process is slow, and it's like watching a pot boil water - seems to take forever. So you question if you are actually healing at all. But you are.....and one day you'll realize you're thinking of her a little less, maybe every few hours instead of minutes. And you'll feel good. A little while longer and you'll actually go a day or two without having that awful empty feeling in your gut. And one day, you'll look back, realize you actually no longer feel terrible and life is pretty good and those painful memories of your ex become gilded with some actual nostalgia. You'll think about it, but it won't result it in you wanting to cry. And finally, you'll be fully healed and just not care what they are doing at all, because your life is bloody fantastic without them.
Author LK30 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 Thanks Northstar. You have replied to plenty of my e-mails so you know my story and no doubt fed up of me moaning!!! Hopefully I am healing, and the funny thing is I like going to work as it's the only time it takes my mind off the ex gf!! I still see plenty of cars that look like hers, so I'm always wondering if it's her and it's a constant reminder. People say do NC, and if they want to be with you they will come back, but if she's been advised the same thing as me then no reconciliation would ever happen! Everywhere I go I hear of people in relationships, and at the moment I seem to be having no luck in love. The truth is I probably won't truly get over her until I meet someone new as I really want to feel special to someone and valued. To think I was only with her a year! I do still wonder if she misses me or thinks about me as she was the one who told me if I proposed to her she would say yes!!
bonpaw2008 Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I do still wonder if she misses me or thinks about me as she was the one who told me if I proposed to her she would say yes!! LK when did she say that? NC should also be called "no false hope". If she wanted you she would have contacted you, especially when you had someone die in your family! I am sorry for being so harsh, but this girl has moved on. I just want you to get past this, you need to really believe that this relationship is over, that is the only way that you are going to get past this.....
Author LK30 Posted July 29, 2010 Author Posted July 29, 2010 Cheers - you're probably right. I just didn't want to accept it, and kinda miss feeling wanted and having someone to hug and feel affection from right now. That's one thing she did give, and it's a feeling you can't get from a family member, friend or colleague. I just want 2010 to be over :-(
smk Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Cheers - you're probably right. I just didn't want to accept it, and kinda miss feeling wanted and having someone to hug and feel affection from right now. That's one thing she did give, and it's a feeling you can't get from a family member, friend or colleague. I just want 2010 to be over :-( LK sorry about your family loss - I can only imagine what that must feel like... I cant relate to what you are saying about the guilty feeling though, my best friends sister passed away a few weeks ago and he feels its his fault (long story that I wont go into) and instead of me being there for him in his time of need, I have been a selfish prick and been going on non-stop to him about my ex leaving me, and after reading your post it opened up my eyes, and yet I still cant stop thinking of her. Like you, I miss the affection and companionship that I got from her, she was my best friend and we talked about everything... I thought that 2010 was going to be my year, it started so well, we had just started dating, moved in together, I was going to propose and we had already decided we were going to get engaged this year, and then bang everything ended... Again I am sorry for your loss, and hopefully over time we will get better...
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