tattoomytoe Posted February 10, 2004 Posted February 10, 2004 remember i smoke, he used to and is totally against it now. i have cut back a lot, only a couple times a week, as opposed to 3 times a day. so sunday he goes to work for a few hours, so i smoke at home. he comes back, and was like did you smoke? i said yes. he gets all mad and we go through the whole argument again....why do i do it?...that he doesn't like it....etc.... so i am sitting while he is all pissed off down stairs cooking. then i hear him banging really hard. he comes in the room and throws this bag at me. it was the bag that i had put a bong that was given to me. i do not even use the bong. anyway, the sound was him taking a hammer to it a smashing it. so then i leave the house for a few hours. come back, he is calmer, and explains to me that he knows it was wrong for him to break the bong, but that he felt that his words were not getting through, so his actions may. then we discussed why he thinks it(pot) is soo terrible. the smokers he says he knows are all lazy good for nothings, that would rather smoke than work, or do anything. But he says that i DO work my ass off. But as a whole he cannot see any positives for smoking. then i told him all the little snyde comments he makes to me about anything remotely related to pot and smoking, really hurt my feeling and pissed me off and i would moke just cause he was being a dick. so he said he could see how that would back fire. Anyways i told him he was way more important to me, and that i would quit smoking.
supermom Posted February 10, 2004 Posted February 10, 2004 Personally, I don't think that it is okay to tell you what you can and cannot do with your life. I personally smoke, and am a hard working wife and mother of one, but I do not smoke around my child, nor before work. I feel that I would rather smoke to "chill out" then to drink everynight. I feel as long as you don't do it around him then it should be okay. And how about when he smoked? Is he now God because he doesn't? I don't want to sound harsh but if my husband asked me not to and I didn't, I wouldn't. I hope I havent offended you because it's your man, but I feel very strongly about men telling women what to do, or vise versa, but I feel that Men try to control way too much. I don't think you should quit unless YOU want to.
Author tattoomytoe Posted February 10, 2004 Author Posted February 10, 2004 that is what i am feeling too..he shouldn't tell me what to do, and he says he is not, but i am pretty sure he wil not be hanging around if i continue. and i will smoke socially, but he just does not want it in the house or around him, and being that it is illegal, i do not really blame him. but i do love him, so this sacrafice is okay for me.
supermom Posted February 10, 2004 Posted February 10, 2004 Maybe you/him could compromise. If not, and he's sticking to his guns, and you care for him, then quit because YOU want to. If you do quit and it's because you want to it will be easier and not as stressful. Good luck!
zoezeroseven Posted February 11, 2004 Posted February 11, 2004 It's easy to say that it is just this one thing that he wants you to change, but it could just be a sign of things to come. Compromise, but don't just give in. I urge you not to set the precident that you will change while he doesn't even have to compromise. Build a good egalitarian relationship by compromising. Never change something just to keep someone or they may keep asking you to make other little changes until they shape you into exactly what they want you to be.
dyermaker Posted February 11, 2004 Posted February 11, 2004 I tend to think changing for another person is always a bad thing in a relationship, but this is a good change, and I would expect the same change from my partner.
Thinkalot Posted February 11, 2004 Posted February 11, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker I tend to think changing for another person is always a bad thing in a relationship, but this is a good change, and I would expect the same change from my partner. I think many times change is a good thing, especially if it is helping both people out, and if the change is a choice. I can see both sides in this instance, but quitting while at home might actually be a good thing.
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