Irishguy1125 Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Is it possible to take a break for about a month, just for space and other stuff, and get back together or pick things back up with an end time to the break? I ask because my gf and i decided to take a break about a week and a half ago and we are both separated all summer due to work for both us, lack of communication started to hurt our relationship, we decided to take a break or be "single" for the rest of the summer so neither of us would feel too invested because of circumstances. We go back to school on august 11th and we are in the same social circle and campus activities so we WILL be with each other on a daily basis. Is it best to restart that old relationship or think of it as a whole new one, i mean start off just flirting and being playful and let things progress naturally as though we never dated or have a talk with her when we get back about where we stand. Any ideas?
USMCHokie Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Taking a break = breaking up. Find someone new who isn't willing to throw you aside or give up on you. Commitment is part of being in a relationship. If both of you don't want to feel too "invested" in the relationship, then don't be in the relationship. This is just a sign that she'll jump ship any time circumstances in life make the relationship the slightest bit difficult. LAUNCH.
Thorgs Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Most on here will say that taking a break is the same as a breakup...just an easy way for the dumper to let down the one they are dumping.
Author Irishguy1125 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 well yeah i know it was a break up, that's what i said, we are technically single, so i was just asking if you think it is possible to go from a break or a breakup in my circumstances and attract her back into a relationship by either having a "talk" or just being natural about it and letting it grow organically.
USMCHokie Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 well yeah i know it was a break up, that's what i said, we are technically single, so i was just asking if you think it is possible to go from a break or a breakup in my circumstances and attract her back into a relationship by either having a "talk" or just being natural about it and letting it grow organically. Move on. She isn't worth your time.
Ilovecake Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 It depends on so many different circumstances. Most people go into it with the intention of a temporary separation but what takes place in that time of separation has a lasting impact on the rest of your relationship. I would imagine if one of you used the time to date other people there would be hurt feelings and reconciliation would be difficult. Also I would assume that if your relationship is hindering you from accomplishing something in your life and you feel you need to separate in order to do that then you need to consider the fact that there are already pretty serious issues with your relationship to make you feel that stifled.
Author Irishguy1125 Posted July 27, 2010 Author Posted July 27, 2010 yeah it's definitely not a black/white issue for me. the circumstances are so complicated because being long distance for the whole summer caused a rift in our relationship like most summers do for college kids but once school comes around, things return as they are. I am not too worried because i have no reason to just give up on her and say, oh it's over. we aren't on bad terms, we aren't dating anyone else, pretty much all we do is work and hang out with our own friends and if taking this break is for the better in the long run then that's what happens, i mean i see her in about 2 weeks, i am looking forward to seeing her again. If she fell for me once, she can fall for me again, all we lost this summer was our bond and the romance that signified our relationship, without that, it makes sense why it was hard to keep it going.
USMCHokie Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 yeah it's definitely not a black/white issue for me. the circumstances are so complicated because being long distance for the whole summer caused a rift in our relationship like most summers do for college kids but once school comes around, things return as they are. I am not too worried because i have no reason to just give up on her and say, oh it's over. we aren't on bad terms, we aren't dating anyone else, pretty much all we do is work and hang out with our own friends and if taking this break is for the better in the long run then that's what happens, i mean i see her in about 2 weeks, i am looking forward to seeing her again. If she fell for me once, she can fall for me again, all we lost this summer was our bond and the romance that signified our relationship, without that, it makes sense why it was hard to keep it going. Read the above statement. Now ask me why you need "break" if things are ok...? If you aren't dating anyone else, then why even break up? Why not stay committed to each other and tough it out for a few months? I have a feeling she has or has had another guy waiting for her to ditch you so she can have a summer fling. This is her way of "innocently" dropping you so she can have fun with someone else. Mature people don't take "breaks" when a little bit of distance separates them. Imagine if a military man deployed and the girl asked for a "break" while he was overseas...yea...hahah...please... You're getting played. But do what you will.
USMCHokie Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 yeah it's definitely not a black/white issue for me. Oh, and one more thing...this little gem... Of course it's never a black/white issue for the person in the relationship (namely, you), because of that little thing called emotional attachment...your judgment is completely clouded by your emotions, which often create irrational thoughts and ideas in your head... However, as a neutral third party, I can see plain as day that it is a black/white issue.
Author Irishguy1125 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 well I definitely thank you all for all your information, having different outlooks definitely helps me out. Yes I do know that there is a potential of us NOT getting back together which is a risk I took when her and I decided on taking this break, we both said "we will try to pick things back up when we get back to school" so who the hell knows if it will happen but I am feeling positive about it. I agree with starting anew with her, that's what i figured was what would be best, to start off just trying to flirt with her and see how she feels about me. Be the man she fell for, not the one she took a break with. I have a lot to offer in terms of a relationship and i am sure she will see that again once we are physically together as most of our relationship was very romantic and didn't have enough time to be build a strong bond for long distance, if she doesn't see me as that catch, that's what happens. I am hoping for the best though! Thanks for all your help and advice!
K'aycie Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Is it possible to take a break for about a month, just for space and other stuff, and get back together or pick things back up with an end time to the break? I ask because my gf and i decided to take a break about a week and a half ago and we are both separated all summer due to work for both us, lack of communication started to hurt our relationship, we decided to take a break or be "single" for the rest of the summer so neither of us would feel too invested because of circumstances. We go back to school on august 11th and we are in the same social circle and campus activities so we WILL be with each other on a daily basis. Is it best to restart that old relationship or think of it as a whole new one, i mean start off just flirting and being playful and let things progress naturally as though we never dated or have a talk with her when we get back about where we stand. Any ideas? Anything is possible. But, I do agree with what some of the other posts are saying. It really does depend on the underlying reason that caused the break to occur in the first place. Sometimes circumstances and timing interfere with a relationship from developing, or will hinder it. An example would be, that some couples get so excited when they enter a relationship, that everything moves so fast, which can get stressful, pressuring and scary. Taking time apart can help a relationship build a better bond because you will both replenish yourselves during the break and will then be able to give the relationship the efforts and attention needed to keep it healthy. People also need to remember that the feeling of "being in love" never lasts. This is a proven scientific fact. All of the hormones, forgetfulness, and constant thoughts of each other lasts roughly the first two years of being "in love". After that, reality sets in and people begin to see each other without the rose colored blinders – faults and all. But if someone wants a break because they want to date other people, well, that isn't a good or acceptable reason.
oldfashiongirlie Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 I personally don't believe in "breaks", either you love and are commited to the person, or you're not. I mean, we all need our space sometimes, but that is not an acceptable reason to be on a break, it's just a lot easier to put things on hold, than to fight to cross the bump on the road. That is my personal opinion, but hey if it works for you, then that's great,I wish you good luck!
Author Irishguy1125 Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Yes timing was definitely an issue, we both rushed to become "official" before the summer began eventhough we probably weren't ready to be that. I told her the last time we talked, the "break" talk. "I felt like a little kid and I got so excited that I was ready to be with you" which was probably right, I hope that the timing problem doesn't come back to haunt me. I am definitely going to take things even slower this time if I can rekindle things. I am not in love with her, haven't even thought about the L word just yet, just really like her, think she is special, all that cheesy stuff...I think am just going to let our relationship grow organically as though I have never dated her
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